Scenes from an Anniversary

Need a charity deduction?

If you can, please consider supporting me, and the Allen's Angels team, in the Out of the Darkness Walk for suicide prevention.

I've been thinking about it...

And I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you America.

This is a lot of things. But it's not my idea of "fat".

Tired of your sullen 13 year-old? Marry her off!

"At first we were worried that Janine was too young to get married, but then her new husband bought her a house and a car and jewelry and the money we got let us buy a house for ourselves. Getting out of the trailer park at our age was the best thing that ever happened to us, and it’s all thanks to Marry Our Daughter!"—Mr. Jack M.

“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!" —Mrs. James P.

And yes, I realize that it's a joke.

Before and After

The water damage repairs are finely done. Photos have been posted. Now if only the kitchen had flooded too...

stats

To the person who found my blog by searching for "what kind of pants should be worn with slouch boots"... The answer is NONE, because slouch boots should never be worn. Trust me on this.

To the people who are forever ending up at my blog due to their feverish Googling of "are danny and melinda from the real world austin still together?" Sorry, you've really come to the wrong place. I made one offhand comment about those two crazy kids after watching the reunion special. And I swear, I regret it now.

And to the person who found my blog by searching for "god wants your ass"? You have big problems my friend.

In Austin? Hate Genocide?

Did you ever wonder: "What can I do to help end the genocide in Darfur?" All you have to do is go out and enjoy a meal in an Austin restaurant participating in the Dining for Darfur dine-out on Monday, August 27 and you'll be providing aid for the people of Sudan and Chad currently suffering from the violence, destruction and displacement. At the restaurant that evening you may even learn more ways of to help us call an end to the genocide that is happening in this region.

Participating restaurants will donate 5% of their gross sales to the American Jewish World Service (AJWS). Donations will be used for AJWS's nonsectarian humanitarian relief efforts for the victims in Darfur.

Participating Restaurants:

Arturo's
Blue Star Cafeteria
Chez Zee
Curra's Grill (all 3 locations)
Frank & Angie's Pizzeria
Freddie's Place
H-E-B Kosher Store Grill
Hut's Hamburgers
It's Italian
Kenichi
Lambert's Downtown BBQ
Leaf
Louie's 106
Manny Hattan's New York Delicatessen
Mars
Ms. B's Authentic Creole Restaurant
Opal Divine's (all 3 locations—Order a "Velocirita" and Velocity Bank will match a $1 contribution for every drink sold that day!)
Pluckers Wing Bar (all 5 locations)
Restaurant Jezebel
San Antonio Street Cafe
Spicy Pickle
Suzi's China Grill (all 3 locations)
Taco Deli (both locations)
Taverna
Tom's Tabooley
Upper Crust Bakery
Waterloo Ice House (6th and Lamar location only)

I've said it before...

"Democrats resolutely refuse to tell the poor the secret to not being poor: Keep your knees together until marriage."

For real y'all. Bitch be crazy.

I don't see anything wrong with this picture.

Testing My Emmy Luck

The Emmys are on Sunday, September 16. So I'll see if I can repeat my Oscar success.

DRAMA

SERIES:
"Boston Legal" (ABC)
"Grey's Anatomy" (ABC)
"Heroes" (NBC)
"House" (Fox)
"The Sopranos" (HBO)

ACTOR:
James Spader, "Boston Legal"
Hugh Laurie, "House"
Denis Leary, "Rescue Me"
James Gandolfini, "The Sopranos"
Kiefer Sutherland, "24"

SUPPORTING ACTOR:
William Shatner, "Boston Legal"
T.R. Knight, "Grey's Anatomy"
Masi Oka, "Heroes"
Michael Emerson, "Lost"
Terry O'Quinn, "Lost"
Michael Imperioli, "The Sopranos"

ACTRESS:
Sally Field, "Brothers & Sisters"
Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"
Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
Patricia Arquette, "Medium"
Minnie Driver, "The Riches"
Edie Falco, "The Sopranos"

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Rachel Griffiths, "Brothers & Sisters"
Katherine Heigl, "Grey's Anatomy"
Chandra Wilson, "Grey's Anatomy"
Sandra Oh, "Grey's Anatomy"
Aida Turturro, "The Sopranos"
Lorraine Bracco, "The Sopranos"

COMEDY

SERIES:
"Entourage" (HBO)
"The Office" (NBC)
"30 Rock" (NBC)
"Two and a Half Men" (CBS)
"Ugly Betty" (ABC)

ACTOR:
Ricky Gervais, "Extras"
Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"
Steve Carell, "The Office"
Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
Charlie Sheen, "Two and a Half Men"

SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Kevin Dillon, "Entourage"
Jeremy Piven, "Entourage"
Neil Patrick Harris, "How I Met Your Mother"
Rainn Wilson, "The Office"
Jon Cryer, "Two and a Half Men"

ACTRESS:
Felicity Huffman, "Desperate Housewives"
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, "The New Adventures of Old Christine"
Tina Fey, "30 Rock"
America Ferrera, "Ugly Betty"
Mary-Louise Parker, "Weeds"

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Jaime Pressly, "My Name Is Earl"
Jenna Fischer, "The Office"
Holland Taylor, "Two and a Half Men"
Conchata Ferrell, "Two and a Half Men"
Vanessa Williams, "Ugly Betty"
Elizabeth Perkins, "Weeds"

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY PROGRAM

SERIES:
"The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central)
"The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (Comedy Central)
"Late Night With Conan O'Brien" (NBC)
"Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS)
"Real Time With Bill Maher" (HBO)

REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM:
"The Amazing Race" (CBS)
"American Idol" (Fox)
"Dancing With the Stars" (ABC)
"Project Runway" (Bravo)
"Top Chef" (Bravo)

Happy 32nd Birthday to the best daddy.

catching up on current events

JENNIFER: Oh, did you hear that Stephen Colbert fell and broke his wrist, running around onstage?

KANDIS: No, didn't hear that. That sounds like something clumsy I would do. Except for the running part.

As you can tell by the steam coming out of my ears, Emmy nominations are out.

Okay, does the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences even watch the shows they nominate? Seriously. Because I'm convinced that they don't. Or if they do, they have even worse taste than the people who keep "American Idol" and "Survivor" on the air.

Does "The Sopranos" really need even more accolades heaped on them? While "Deadwood" and "Studio 60" receive no critical nominations? I can't even fathom how that happened. There's never been a better show than "Deadwood".

Shameful.

I hope Ian McShane kicks all their asses. While Bradley Whitford mocks them savagely.

Edited to add: Oh yeah! And Lauren Graham, Kristin Bell and "Lost" too! Damned Emmy voters.

This is our house on drugs.

Last night around 9:30pm, a pipe burst in our downstairs bathroom. Water shot out of the wall for about 15-20 minutes while Rob and I ran around like chickens with our heads cut off, looking for the main water shut-off valve. Rob finally was able to turn off the water supply under the toilet (after first shutting off the hot water heater instead) and we found ourselves in the middle of about an inch of standing water. It was in the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, the master bedroom, master bath, my closet, three other closets, and the pantry. Basically the entire first floor of our house is hosed. We called a water damage service to come last night and they immediately began extracting the water and surveying the damage. We ended up checking into a hotel around midnight so that the technicians could continue cleaning up water, and spraying toxic anti-microbials. Cooper slept through the entire thing.

Today the technicians began ripping up our laminate flooring, our baseboards, our cabinet kickboards, what little carpeting we have, and even an area rug. I've lost track of how many commercial grade fans and dehumidifiers are criss-crossing our floors. Our furniture has been moved all over the place, and it's basically like running an obstacle course just to try to get a glass of water.

Oh! And the dozens of fans and dehumidifiers are putting off so much heat that I'm afraid our next electric bill will deplete Cooper's non-existant college fund.

We are now living in our upstairs guestroom. The insurance claims adjuster won't be able to make it out here until Thursday, and assuming they cover all the damages, who knows how long it will take for everything to get replaced?

So that's the fun in our life. How about you?

Oh, and we still don't know where that main water shut-off valve is.

some people can nap anywhere

Rob and Cooper enjoying a rest during our five hour delay at the Cincinatti airport. At two and half months old, Cooper has now been to Georgia, Ohio, and New York- courtesy of a trip to Cooperstown to see his grandparents, great-grandmothers, and various aunts, uncles, and cousins. Cooper turned out to be a better traveler than I am. Well, less of a whiner anyway.

Rob wrote more about our trip, and I'll be posting photos.

Sorry, I've been busy playing with my baby.

Don't you hate days like this?

It's official.

The CW Cancels "Veronica Mars"

Hey CW? You're dead to me now.

We've survived our first month!

So I've been a little busy lately.

I don't spend much time online anymore, have become a terrible correspondent, and have no idea what's going on in the world. However, I could probably tell you how many dirty diapers I've changed today, and what happened on "Guiding Light".

It's noon and I'm still wearing my pajamas and will consider myself lucky today if I get to eat lunch, pee, and shower and put on makeup. (Yes, makeup. I may wear tank tops and cut off sweatpants every day now, but that's no reason to totally fall apart.)

Cooper is doing great. He eats constantly, sleeps occasionally (though not in his bed, that's where we put him if we want to wake him up) and is growing like a weed. He's now over 9lbs and so strong that he's already rolled over. Now if we could just teach him to wash his own bottles, I may get some laundry done sometime this summer.

Look what I got!

Cooper Gregory Seaver, born April 17th at 9:22pm. 7lbs, 11oz, 18 1/2 inches.














We're healthy and thrilled. Thanks to all for your well wishes!

Baby Update: 40 Weeks

Apparently the baby does not care that today was supposed to be his birthday.

As you can see, he's still en route.

Super Kandis

Rob thinks I’m a hero.

Now of course I think I am. Hello? I’m wearing a cape. But how clever am I that I’ve successfully convinced him that I’m somehow amazing for managing to survive pregnancy? After all, it’s not like women all over the world have been doing this for thousands of years. (They have? Well for God’s sake, keep that to yourself! I could potentially score some jewelry out of this.)

Of course the reason Rob thinks I’m so heroic is because I’ve made sure that he knows all of the trials I’m going through while incubating our son. He lived through the ten weeks of miserable whining and nausea that was my first trimester. He gets to hear all about my daily aches and pains, and gets to see me limp around in the evenings like an 80 year-old crone. He’s forced to admire my puffy cankles and hobbit feet. And listen to the moaning and groaning every time I have to get in and out of the car or the bed. And I make sure he knows exactly how many times I had to get up to pee last night. (Six, if anyone is interested.)

Yet he’s managed to survive it all. He hasn’t once given up and snapped “Okay, I get it already! You’re uncomfortable!” He hasn’t once made fun of my freakishly huge belly and puffy ankles, and in fact always does his best to try and make me feel pretty. He makes dinner or goes and picks something up on the nights that I don’t think I can limp around another moment. He’s made many store runs for such essentials as: Dr. Pepper, Blue Bell, and Rolos. He’s assembled more nursery furniture than anyone should ever have to. (“This is the last thing we need, I swear!”) And he’s done all the lifting and carrying and cleaning that I deemed too much for my delicate condition. He took me away to a bed & breakfast in Fredericksburg for a lovely weekend of shopping and eating. And he’s accompanied me on several trips to what has to be a man's version of the seventh ring of hell: Babies R Us.

And I know that as long as he shows our baby boy as much patience as he’s shown me these last 39 weeks, he’s going to be a great dad.

Now, about those brownies I’m craving…

Have you seen Squishy?

Our friends Barrett and Heather have lost their beloved pug, Squishy.

They send out this message:

PLEASE HELP! We lost our pug Thursday night (March 15th) at the corner of 14th and Chestnut Ave. (East Austin). She's 5 years-old, fawn colored, fixed, does not have a microchip or a collar on. She responds to her name and also comes when clapping twice. She's very friendly, very sociable, extremely sweet so if you know of anyone who's taken in a stray pug please contact us. Any and all information will be appreciated, call anytime. Ph: (512) 784-0615.

We're asking anyone who is on MySpace to please check out our sites Infinity Recording Studios and Circle Line Designs and send a bulletin to everyone you know.(A bulletin on myspace is a message that is sent to every single one of your "myspace friends"). It's a great way to spread the word all across central Texas that we're looking for our pug Squishy. You can copy the information from our MySpace pages for the post or just copy this! The more people that we can reach the better our chances of getting her back home! Plus, it's something you can do from home or work that could have an immense effect! Please help us!

If you have any information you can reach us at 512-784-0615 anytime, day or night. Thanks to anyone and everyone who can take the time to try and help!

the lunch of champions

Today I ran up to 7-Eleven during my lunch break to get some gasoline and a snack.

The very nice Indian man at the counter handed me my receipt and said "Thank you and God bless the baby." Which I thought was really kind.

But then I realized that he may think the baby really needs the blessing since his mother is, by all appearances, subsisting on nothing but Slurpees, bbq Fritos, and Ding Dongs.

Beware the Ides of March

"When are you due again?"

"So, how much longer?"

"Wow, you haven't had that baby yet?"

"It seems like you've been pregnant forever."

Yeah, just going for the regular 40 weeks. But thanks. Really.


Edited to add: And this new one, courtesy of my hair stylist:

"Wow, how many babies are in there?"

Shoes You Can Use

My favorite flip flop manufacturer, who last year came out with the flip flops with the built in bottle opener, has debuted their newest innovative designs. The Reef Stash comes with a handy drawer for your credit card and key! Useful for those times you don’t want to carry a purse, or you know… pockets.



And the Reef Dram, with a built in flask. You heard me. They have a plastic canteen in the heel with a screw cap that can be opened by using a key that is included, a miniature funnel to insure a clean pour, and a measuring bar on the footbed that shows how much booze is left in your shoe.

Do they know the way to a spring breaker’s heart or what?

Please don't tell the milk nazis where I live.

So for a few months now, I’ve been struggling with a decision. If you’re of the male persuasion, this may be the part where you’ll want to avert your eyes. Because I’m talking about breastfeeding.

I guess I never gave it a whole lot of thought before I got pregnant. I’ve always known it’s the healthiest way to feed your baby. It was impossible to grow up with my mother (who nursed my sister and me for at least 18 months each) and not know the benefits of breastfeeding and the evils of formula. I always assumed I would probably breastfeed my child one day.

But now that I’m about a month away from the actual event, I’ve been doing a lot of reading, and talking to various people I know, and I’m still really torn about what to do. I really do know all of the advertised benefits of breastfeeding. And of course I want the lowered risk of allergies for the baby and lowered risk of cancer for myself. There is definitely the convenience factor for night feedings, of not having to get up out of bed at all (we’ll be using a co-sleeper infant bed). There’s also the added benefit of not having to pay for formula and sterilized water (we’re way to lazy to boil water and wait for it to cool).

However, I don’t really want to breastfeed. Of course I want all of the benefits, without actually having to do any of the work. But I find that I’m just not one of those people who feels a burning need to nurse their child. And no, it’s not because I think it’s icky nor am I embarrassed that I have boobs. Although I dread the idea of having to use a breast pump at work. Our setting at work is less than ideal, and though I’m not embarrassed about the boobs, I don’t exactly like the idea of drawing attention to them in front of all the pervs that seem to populate my office. The biggest con I have about breastfeeding is the fact that Rob has expressed a desire to help in the feeding equally, from the beginning. And when you have a husband willing to take on some of the night feedings so that you can get more rest, why would you want to turn that down? It would also give him an opportunity to get over his fear that he might break the baby, allowing for some important bonding time. There’s also the added peace of mind that would come with knowing that Rob would be able to care for our son easily, whether I’ve had time to pump milk or not.

Lately, the more I read, the more offended I become by so much of the breastfeeding literature. There’s of course the pervasive guilt factor: that if you don’t breastfeed, you’re a selfish mother. And then there’s the advocating of “exclusive breastfeeding” (no use of bottles or pacifiers). That may work out really well for the women who don’t have to, or don’t wish to go back to work six weeks (the standard maternity leave in the US) after giving birth. But it’s simply not realistic in this day and age. And besides not being realistic, I think it excludes the father in an unhealthy way. What’s the point of dual parenting if you can’t share equally in the tasks?

Some of the other pro-breastfeeding propaganda that bothers me:

Increases bonding between mother and baby. I don’t doubt this is true, but does that mean women who don’t breastfeed don’t bond with their babies? It seems that the act of feeding and cuddling your baby is how we bond, regardless of what that food source is. And when the father is also able to share in the feeding, he’s able to bond with the baby equally.

Formula Feeding is associated with lower I.Q. Possibly. Or not. According to this recent study, “Breastfed babies are smarter because their mothers are clever in the first place, not because of any advantage of breastfeeding itself, a study suggests. Researchers found breastfeeding mothers tended to be more intelligent, more highly educated, and likely to provide a more stimulating home environment.” And I can’t help but noticing that my formula fed husband, though not as smart as I am of course, definitely has stronger math, and geography skills than I do.

Breast milk contains immunities to diseases and aids in the development of baby's immune system. That’s probably true, but then I was sick so often as a child, that I had my tonsils out and tubes put in my ears (due to the numerous ear infections) by the time I was four years-old. My formula fed husband, though a seasonal allergy sufferer, still has his tonsils and tube-free ears.

Formula feeding increases risk of children developing diabetes. Yeah, so does McDonald’s and sodas and our sedentary American lifestyles. Statistically, kids in this country are getting fatter. We all are. I refuse to blame this one on the formula.

Formula feeding may increase risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). And that’s one scary reason right there, isn’t it? But then again, they’re still not sure what causes SIDS at all. According to this excellent article, there’s some evidence to indicate that the reason breastfed babies are at a lower risk of dying from SIDS is due to the fact that they’re more likely to be sleeping in the same room as their parents (thus having their breathing monitored). That seems to advocate co-sleeping more than nursing.

Formula-fed babies are more at risk for obesity in later life. Oh yeah? Have you seen me lately?

Breastfeeding is easier than using formula. Except for the fact that breastfeeding infants feed every 1 ½ to two hours, whereas formula fed babies feed every three hours or so. I don’t know about you, but that extra hour of sleep nearly clinches it for me.

Facilitates proper dental and jaw development, less money spent on corrective orthodontia. I don’t buy that for a second. That part is all genetics. I spent $3,000 on orthodontia for my breastfed self.


Basically, the whole thing makes my brain hurt. I do believe that breastfeeding is best, I really do. But I also don’t believe that the millions of mothers who have to, or choose to use formula are horrible people who don’t care about their baby’s health. If I do end up breastfeeding, it’s very likely that I would only do it for 3-6 months, not the one year or more that the American Academy of Pediatrics advocates. But whatever choice I make, it’s going to be because that’s what Rob and I decide is best for our family. And I hope people are respectful of our decision.

Edited to add: Interesting article from a formula feeding mom.

Can I do this for a living?

Okay, well I called eight out of 11. But completely missing Best Picture is a pretty big flub. Early on I leaned towards The Departed, just because the Academy seems to like big ensemble casts full of big names. But when the critics seems so dismissive, I didn't think it had a chance. I could have gone either way on the Best Director category, so I'm not really surprised Scorsese nabbed that one. At least I called Best Supporting Actor and Animated Feature correctly. In your face Roger Ebert.

My Oscar Picks at 7:10pm on Feb. 24th

I'll tell you the truth. I really don't feel as confident about my picks this year. I usually agree with a lot of Ebert's reviews, but I'm not feeling Eddie Murphy for Best Supporting Actor. Bowfinger? Really?

The Best Director category could go either way. Martin Scorsese has never won, but most critics agree The Departed isn't his best work. And the Academy loves them some Clint Eastwood.

I am also having an impossible time with the Best Animated Feature and Best Motion Picture. Honestly, none of the nominees for best picture have that special something that makes them an obvious choice. Of the nominees, I think I prefer Little Miss Sunshine, but that seems an awfully cheesy way for the Academy to go. Yes, the same Academy that gave the award to Titanic. I just feel sure they won't go with Babel.

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Forest Whitaker in The Last King of Scotland

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Helen Mirren in The Queen

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Best animated feature film of the year
Happy Feet

Achievement in cinematography
Pan's Labyrinth

Achievement in directing
Letters from Iwo Jima

Best documentary feature
An Inconvenient Truth

Adapted screenplay
Children of Men

Original screenplay
Little Miss Sunshine

Best motion picture of the year
Letters from Iwo Jima

Yes, I’m still alive.

Know how I know? The lower back pain, heel spur, waddling, the huge belly that feels like I’m carrying a bowling ball, ridiculously fast growing fingernails, congestion, exhaustion, sleeplessness, leg cramps, and other assorted aches and pains. Oh, and the fact that I had to get up to pee six times last night. Seven weeks to go, and this kid better be on time.

In other news, my mom finished a new sweater and diaper bag just for me.

I have a new online wishlist at Kaboodle. Because the two baby registries (Target and Babies R Us) and the three page Amazon wishlist really wasn't sufficient enough to document the sheer amount of stuff I covet on the web.

Rob and I are checking out Super Suppers this weekend. Anyone else try that? We thought it would be a good supplement to our Greenling produce deliveries. And plus, we’re really tired of all the stuff we know how to cook. So, short of hiring a personal chef, this is kind of our only hope.

Sunday is the Oscars! I’ll be working on my Oscar picks to post before then. Last year I correctly predicted 9 out of 11 categories. I don’t anticipate doing as well this year. None of the nominated films have buzz that reaches Brokeback proportions.

And Lamb! Poor, poor Sheriff Lamb. Michael Muhney said he was heartbroken about the decision to kill Sheriff Lamb off "Veronica Mars", but he was still glad that the plot point remained under wraps until it aired. Love him. And I'm really disappointed that we'll probably never really learn about Lamb's motivations. Like the time Duncan and Veronica broke into the Manning's house and exposed the child abuse going on in the house. Lamb relased them without a word. It was one of the most complicated and haunting moments of last season. And now we'll never know what it meant. Show your Lamb/Michael Muhney love by checking him out in whatever pilot is lucky enough to get him.

how I spent my weekend

The nursery is complete! (Except for the curtains my mom is still working on.)

And Rob thinks my belly is taking up the entire house.

Can you hear the angels?

Have you noticed that the sun is now shining a little bit brighter? That the air smells just a little bit cleaner? The birds are singing sweeter? And everyone around you is just a little bit nicer?

There's only one reason for that.

















It's Girl Scout cookie season. All's right with the world.

the stylish baby

Okay, it's possible I'm going overboard.





















But have you seen a cuter outfit? All cuteness courtesy of Uncommon Goods. If you're wondering what to get the baby, he also wants the one that says "I can't read".

The mountain range from Rob's perspective.

















Seriously, y'all? Incubating an alien is hard work.

self portrait: 27 weeks

I call it "barefoot and pregnant".





















I can't tell you what a relief it is to see that I apparently still have feet. I haven't seen them in a while. There's been a mountain range blocking my view.

doused in mud, soaked in bleach

All of the baby books recommend playing classical music since the baby can hear now.

So... Nirvana is consider classic by now, right?

Merry Christmas Y'all

I don't want to be the one to tell them... but that present? Is actually for Rob.

Five Steps to a New You

My friend Nicole asked me my secret, and I thought I'd share it with you as well dear reader.

Kandis' Foolproof Method for Reaching Six Months Pregnant Without Gaining Any Weight*:

Step 1: Start out really chubby. So chubby in fact that your doctor tells you that you don't actually need to gain any weight while pregnant.

Step 2: Spend the next 12-14 weeks so miserably nauseous that the idea of eating, makes you want to dry heave. This step should actually cause you to lose 5-7 pounds.

Step 3: After the 3 months of all encompassing nausea, you will not regain your previous appetite. Even when hungry, nothing will ever sound good. You will be completely incapable of choosing restaurants to dine at. And even once you've ordered at a restaurant, by the time your food arrives, you may not want it anymore.

Step 4: Combine step 3 with pounds of enlarged uterus, amniotic fluid, umbilical cord, and of course, growing fetus- crowding your stomach. This will cause you to get extremely full very quickly.

Step 5: If you followed step 1 correctly, then your body will have trained sufficiently for your current diet of caffeine free sodas and Little Debbie products so that there isn't a discernible increase in caloric intake over your pre-pregnancy diet.

Disclaimer: Okay, so maybe it isn't foolproof. Every woman's body is different. And of course, no licensed nutritionist, doctor, or even husband would probably recommend this method.

*Participant was not financially compensated in any way for this testimonial.

This is what Christmas is about.

It's that magical time of year again. That special time when Little Debbie Zebra cakes come in the shape of Christmas trees.

Christmas shopping has begun.

Baby's first onesie.

Never leave an unattended box.

It's a BOY alien!

Dear Blue October,

"Hate Me"?

Not a problem.

Thanks,
Kandis

Scenes from a Fair

We went to the State Fair of Texas last weekend in Dallas. We had corn dogs, turkey legs, cotton candy, overpriced beer (none for me of course) and frozen yogurt. We saw lots of smelly animals, amazing crafts, and my mother and sister rode a couple of rides on the midway. Rob got conned into buying a sushi maker for the low, low price of $45.99.

My favorite animal at the state fair was Boris II. He had his own palace of a pen outside the pig enclosure. Boris actually isn’t a pig, he is an 1,147 pound Yorkshire-Hampshire boar. He sleeps 23 ½ hours a day and eats 25 pounds of food a day. When we saw him, he was laying down eating out of his huge bowl with his eyes closed. I’m not even sure he was awake. Isn’t he awesome?


There was an impressive assortment of crafts on display in the Creative Arts and Food and Fiber buildings. Tons of beautiful quilts, handmade sweaters, matchstick mansions and jars and jars of various preserves and baked goods. The best by far? This cross-stitched masterpiece of the one and only, Clay Aiken.

And the activity that occupied me the longest was this guy. This was the crossing guard at our entrance gate. He had the hardest time getting people to walk on the crosswalk. And when they wouldn’t listen to polite requests, he would begin yelling “CROSSWALK! CROSSWALK! CROSSWALK!” until he was practically up in people’s faces screaming. He was so insanely drunk with power that I just knew a fistfight was going to break out at any moment. At one point, the older lady sitting next to us on the curb watching him turned to me and said “what an asshole”. It was so fascinating that I watched him for about an hour. But to my disappointment, no one got shanked.


And the last photo is actually from my Grandma’s house after the fair. My sister Abby is holding our brand new cousin Landen. She’s getting practice for when her new niece (or nephew) arrives.





Edited to add: My mother reminded me that I neglected to mention another spectacular "craft". The statue of Marilyn Monroe, carved entirely out of butter.

the season

Yes, we're that kind of neighbor.

representing all of the food groups

From the State Fair of Texas brochure:

Deep Fried Cosmopolitan -- A fried pastry filled with cheesecake and topped with a sweet and tangy cranberry glaze and a lime wedge. Served on a stick.

Donkey Tails -- Large all-beef franks, slit on one side and generously stuffed with sharp Cheddar cheese, wrapped in a large flour tortilla and fried until golden brown. Served with mustard chili sauce or Ruth's salsa.

Fernie's Fried Choco-rito -- A flour tortilla stuffed with marshmallows, coconut, candy bar pieces, caramel morsels and cinnamon then dipped in pancake batter and deep-fried to a crispy, crunchy outside and sweet, gooey inside. Drizzled with honey and topped with whipped cream.

Fernie's Fried Mac-n-cheese -- Texas-sized bites of macaroni and cheese, covered with a layer of garlic- and herb-flavored bread crumbs and deep fried until crispy outside and hot and cheesy inside. Served on a stick with a side of dipping sauces.

Fried Praline Perfection -- Plump coconut and pecan pralines, battered and fried to a rich golden crust. Served warm with powdered sugar.

Fried Coke -- Smooth spheres of Coca-Cola-flavored batter that are deep fried, drizzled with pure Coke fountain syrup, topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry. Served in souvenir contoured glasses.












So what are you eating this weekend?

More questionable State Fair food items can be found here.

second alien photo

13 weeks and it looks like we have a thumbsucker.

Duck!

Someone found my blog by searching for “teen a** ducking”. (Yes. Ducking.) They used MSN to search and apparently “ass” was enough to get them my page. They were in Turkey, of course.

Why is it that everyone who finds my blog by searching for something dirty, is in some repressed country where they'd probably be stoned just for Googling the words? It's the most bizarre phenomenon.

Veronica Mars "Welcome Wagon"

"I ignored all of the spoiler alerts, which I know is kinda douche-baggy."

So glad I'm not a douche bag.

Well they still managed to fit a lot into the show, considering it was supposed to be a primer for new viewers. I don't think it was too slow. The mystery of the week was fairly typical, while still setting us up nicely for the first big mystery arc. And hey! I hope Keith doesn't get killed by exposure or wild animals. But couldn't they have left the theme song alone?

Poor Mac. Poor Dick. Poor Kendall! She went to jail for Cormac Fitzpatrick and that's how he repays her? Damn.

What was in the briefcase? We've been waiting all summer to know! Cash. Really? Wow. Kinda boring.

There wasn't nearly enough Logan. But I was left with the feeling that it must have been a really long summer for Veronica if Logan has been that broody all this time.

Mac's new roommate Parker? I don't hate her, but she's way too much like Buffy's first college roommate. The one who turned out to be a demon.

I don't hate Piz yet either, but I really do hate his hair.

And bring back the LeBaron!

one small request

Dear Filmmakers in Austin-

If you must use a wide flat bed truck to film a driving scene, taking up both lanes of 360, flanked by a police escort, is it too much to ask that you not film during evening rush hour?

Thanks-
Kandis

alien photo

This is a picture of our baby at nine weeks. Wait. Did I tell you we’re having a baby? Oh. Well in case I forgot to mention it… we’re having a baby in April! So Rob helpfully put a red box around the baby in the picture, since there was some disagreement about its exact location. I won’t tell you which one of us was wrong and which one was right.
We should have another picture at the end of November. Hopefully by then, the baby will look less like an alien peanut and more like a regular alien.

so close to calling in ugly

My doctor has recommended removing products with salicylic acid from my skin care regimen. So I gave up my great Clean & Clear astringent for Dickinson's witch hazel which smells really bad and doesn’t seem to do a thing for me. And I gave up my awesome life-saving Aveeno Clear Complexion moisturizer for a non-complexion clearing version. And guess what? My skin looks like hell. I am approaching my very first 29th birthday, and I have the skin of a hormone raging teenager.

So does anyone have any recommendations for products that keep your skin clear, but don’t contain harsh ingredients like salicylic acid?

Thanks.

benefit of owning a Saturn

I was walking through the parking garage after work yesterday and my car didn't seem to be where I remembered leaving it. And I had this moment of panic when I thought my car must have been stolen.

And then I realized, "wait, why would someone steal my car?"

Cupcake Courier

Oh, and this isn't on my wishlist, but I totally need one.

reminder

Did you know my birthday is only one week away? Aren't you glad I have a wishlist?

A Buffy List

In honor of my friend Brian making his very first journey through the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" DVDs, I'm listing my favorite top 13 episodes. I actually tried really hard to whittle this down to a top ten. I simply couldn't do it.

"Once More With Feeling"
"Passion"
"Hush"
"Something Blue"
"Graduation Part 1/Graduation Part 2"
"Helpless"
"The Gift"
"The Prom"
"Fool for Love"
"Selfless"
"Crush"
"The Body"
"Prophecy Girl"

Hey Ya

This is my new favorite song.

Ann Richards

September 1, 1933 - September 13, 2006

Back from Montana.

We returned from our Montana adventure very late last night. The wedding was beautiful, the weather was gorgeous and the mountains were amazing. I was hardly near a computer for a solid week which means I didn't even have a headache (And is also why I didn't jump on the whole Suri Cruise thing. Duh Sally.)

Pictures anyone?

Gone to Montana.

Tomorrow morning, at the ungodly hour of 5am, we're headed off to the Airport. By 3pm we should be in Hamilton, Montana for the rest of the week with Rob's family. And then this weekend, we'll drive to Jackson, Montana where Rob's brother John, and John's fiance will be getting married. The high temperature shouldn't get out of the low 70's. Maybe I'll send you a postcard.

all TV, all the time

It’s that time again! You know, the time of year when I get inordinately excited about Fall TV shows? Here’s what I’ll be doing this Fall instead of having a life:

“Bones” (premieres Aug. 30): Procedural drama, but instead of cops, it’s an FBI agent and a forensic anthropologist. What can I say? I love David Boreanaz. It’s actually a nice change to see him getting to go out in the daylight. This show has a pretty good supporting cast. And Emily Deschanel is growing on me.

“Nip/Tuck” (premieres Sept. 5): Two plastic surgeons in Miami and their screwed up family. It’s shallow. It’s seamy. It’s twisted. It’s awesome. I’m a little concerned about the advance buzz about way too many guest stars. But the Carver is gone, and I can’t wait!

“Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (premieres Sept. 18): Behind the scenes of an “Saturday Night Live” type variety show. It’s Aaron Sorkin y’all! Show some respect. This can’t be anything but great, it’s just not possible.

“My Name is Earl” (premieres Sept. 21): Loser wins lottery and tries to make up for his past wrongs. Everyone on this show is freakin’ hysterical, and I hope Jaime Pressly wins the Emmy. Who ever thought that sentence would ever be uttered?

“The Office” (premieres Sept. 21): The office of Dunder-Mifflin paper company. Jim kissed Pam! He told her that he loves her! But she’s marrying Roy! I can’t even tell you how much I’m dying to know where they go from there.

“Ugly Betty” (premieres Sept. 22): Based on the telenova about an ugly ducking in the fashion industry. The advance word on this makes it sound very The Devil Wears Prada. But I love America Ferrera (ever since Real Women Have Curves) so I’m thinking of trying this one out.

“Gilmore Girls” (premieres Sept. 26): Abnormally close mother and daughter live in quaint Connecticut town. Lorelai and Luke called off the wedding! Then she slept with Christopher! I’m actually kind of glad the Palladinos are gone (writers/creators Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino). The last two seasons have been lacking and a fresh show runner might just save this sinking ship.

“One Tree Hill” (premieres Sept. 27): The lives and loves of high school students in Tree Hill North Carolina. I don’t care what you say, I love this show. It’s a ridiculous and shallow teen soap opera, and I can not stop watching it. At the end of the season, there were at least four different girls who could be pregnant, and at least three people who could be dead. It was that good of a cliffhanger.

“Veronica Mars” (premieres Oct. 3): Teenage detective noir. Veronica is going to college! With Wallace and Mac! And Logan... sigh. Last season was uneven, but I still think this is the second best drama on TV. And I'll be brief now, because we all know I won't be in the future.

“Lost” (premieres Oct. 4): Forty plane crash survivors stranded on one creepy island. The hatch done got blowed up! Why is Charlie so creepy? Will Kate ever choose between Jack and Sawyer? What happened to the polar bear? And Lostzilla?

“30 Rock” (premieres Oct. 11): Yep, it’s completely ridiculous that NBC has not one, but two shows about an "SNL" type variety show. This one is a half hour sitcom written by Tina Fey and starring Tracy Morgan and Alec Baldwin. I’m gonna give it a shot.

My 25 Favorite TV Characters Ever

Inspired by James Gunn and Joss Whedon’s postings at Whedonesque:

Using their rules:

No puppets or cartoons (because then it’s just Daria, She-Ra, and Cookie Monster)

No mini-series (because there isn’t room for the entire casts of Lonesome Dove and Angels in America)

No reality show people (that means no Anderson Cooper on “The Mole”)

All characters must be regulars on the show (rules out all those people who came on just to improve flagging shows, like Robert Downey Jr. on “Ally McBeal” and Tom Selleck and Paul Rudd on “Friends”)

1) Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar), BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

2) Al Swearengen (Ian McShane), DEADWOOD

3) Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), THE X-FILES

4) Rayanne Graff (AJ Langer), MY SO-CALLED LIFE

5) Jim Halpert (John Krasinski), THE OFFICE

6) Chris Stevens (John Corbett), NORTHERN EXPOSURE

7) Reva Shayne Lewis (Kim Zimmer), GUIDING LIGHT

8) Logan Echolls (Jason Dohring), VERONICA MARS

9) Sam Seaborne (Rob Lowe), THE WEST WING

10) Christian Troy (Julian McMahon), NIP/TUCK

11) Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert), ROSEANNE

12) Spike (James Marsters), BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

13) David Addison (Bruce Willis), MOONLIGHTING

14) Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham), GILMORE GIRLS

15) Doug Ross (George Clooney), ER

16) Joy Turner (Jaime Pressly), MY NAME IS EARL

17) Hawkeye Pierce (Alan Alda), MASH

18) Angelus (David Boreanaz), ANGEL

19) Fox Mulder (David Duchovny, THE X-FILES

20) Perry Cox (John C. McGinley), SCRUBS

21) CJ Cregg (Allison Janney), THE WEST WING

22) Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell), VERONICA MARS

23) Lorenzo Lamas (Reno Raines), RENEGADE

24) Karen Walker (Megan Mullally), WILL & GRACE

25) Billy Bob Davis (Billy Bob Thornton), HEARTS AFIRE

This was actually a really tough list because there are several shows that it’s nearly impossible to narrow down to single characters. Really, the casts of “My So-Called Life”, “The West Wing”, “Northern Exposure” and “Veronica Mars” are so uniformly excellent that I wanted to include every single person. But I persevered. It’s a tough job, but someone had to do it.

Hello 1990! How ya been?

You can always count on Urban Outfitters to bring back an unnecessary trend.

You Are How You Camped

What your enjoyment of summer camp, or lack of, says about your character.

According to that article, I should be a CEO or a governor.

Where did I go wrong?

Maybe next year it will be a mandolin.

Today is Rob's birthday. Since he's only 31, I'm not making as big of a deal out of it as we did last year. This morning he did get to open the banjo I got for him. So if you happen to be in the vicinity of our house and it sounds like Deliverance, you'll know why. Happy Birthday killer!

what Fridays were made for

Ever wanted to bend Dubya in half, whip him around by the foot, bash him in the head, or watch him free fall through space?

Now you can, just by manipulating your mouse.

One of my friends dubbed this link "immensely satisfying".

Dear new Curra’s Grill at the Parmer-McNeil Plaza,

Your food is pretty good. Four triangles is a little skimpy for the quesadillas, but your queso is tasty, and your fajitas are generous.

But I gotta tell you… you don’t look good.

I don’t know if it’s because you just opened about a week ago, but you’re kind of bleak. Not one piece of art on the walls, hard plastic chairs and laminate benches, metal tables, metal trim, metal ceiling and giant metal fan. It’s all way too modern and Scandinavian. It makes for a very cold and hard atmosphere, not at all fun and relaxing. And considering that there’s a brand new Chipotle with equally stark décor opening in the same shopping center- it’s an ill-conceived business decision.

Oh! And your metal patio furniture sitting in the July Texas sun isn’t such a great idea either.

Please consider copying your Burnet Road sister. She’s cozy and colorful, with lots of murals and soft lighting. Everything a Mexican restaurant should be. Trust me, I eat out way too much.

Sincerely,
Kandis

Seriously, where is Suri Cruise?

Tired of waiting? Make your own Suri!

because Sally complained about my neglected blog

Here are pictures from last night's dinner at Ichiban. We took our friend Brian out for a belated birthday dinner. These photos were taken with his camera phone (which explains the blurriness). But what is my hair doing I ask you?

a confession

Since most of my favorite TV shows are on hiatus for the summer, I find myself flipping around with nothing to watch way too often. This week I managed to catch the “Dharma and Greg” pilot on the WE network, and now I’m hooked on “Dharma and Greg”. I DVR it and watch all four episodes that air daily. For a typical sitcom, it’s not bad at all. And I really like that crazy Jenna Elfman. She should get more work.

So in addition to my new “Dharma and Greg” fixation, I also find myself watching movies that I’ve seen too many times before. You know how when you’re just flipping around, there are some movies that seem to be on TV all the time? And there are some movies that I find myself watching every single time they’re on. Even if I’ve seen them a hundred times before. Even if I own them on DVD. Even if they’re actually bad movies.

Some of these are really embarrassing, so if it’s ever brought up, I’m going to deny ever having said that.

• Bring It On
• The American President
• Office Space
• Where the Heart Is
• Dazed and Confused
• 10 Things I Hate About You
• The Object of My Affection
• Bend It Like Beckham
• She’s All That
• That Thing You Do!
• Dogma
• Footloose
• Pleasantville
• Fried Green Tomatoes
• The Matchmaker

And God help me if they run a teen marathon of Bring It On, She's All That, and 10 Things I Hate About You (it's been known to happen). Then I wouldn't leave the house all day.

Which ridiculous movies can you not stop watching every time they come on?

I wanna be Chicken for a day.

As you can see, sunning herself on a window sil is a full time job for our Chicken. It's hard out there for a cat.

Deadwood "Tell Your God to Ready for Blood"

"Has the body been eaten yet? Don't let the body be eaten."

Matt Zoller Seitz wrote in the Newark Star-Ledger that "Deadwood" is: "the greatest dramatic series in the history of American television."

And that is not an exaggeration.

The third season of "Deadwood" kicked off in classic fashion: a murder, a brawl, half naked prostitutes, and the most eloquent profanity laced dialogue.

And you know what? It's way too complicated to explain. So you're just going to have to watch the show.

An Inconvenient Truth

This weekend we saw two movies in the theater, which is completely unheard of for us. We always plan to do that kind of thing, when there are multiple movies out that are worth seeing, and we can't decide between them. But then our laziness wins out and we don't make it out of our pajamas.

The first movie we saw was Thank You for Smoking, the satire about the tobacco industry. We saw it at the Alamo Drafthouse where they ran old smoking ads on the screen before the movie started. It was like seeing scenes from an alternate universe. It's been so long that we'd actually forgotten how ridiculous smoking ads were. And when you see Fred Flintstone touting the benefits of Winstons, you wonder how the cigarette companies were ever able to claim they weren't targeting children. Everyone in the movie (with the exception of Katie Holmes) was really good. Aaron Eckhart was mesmerizingly effective as a "sultan of spin" for a lobby group representing the interests of big tobacco. Katie Holmes wasn't awful, but post-"Dawson's Creek", I always get the feeling she's just playing at being a grown-up. She 's continually cast in femme fatale type rolls, but how can I buy that of a woman who can best be described as "coltish"?

The second movie we saw was An Inconvenient Truth, the new Al Gore documentary about the environment. In its second week of release it has earned $1.33 million, even though it's only playing in 77 theaters. The film does suffer from the same problem that plagued Al Gore's presidential campaign- too many damned numbers. It gets dry in places where the statistics and graphs chronicling the amount of CO2 in the air over centuries nearly induces catatonia. But the movie becomes exceptionally effective when he's able to show photos of places like Mt. Kilimanjaro and Glacier National Park and you can see side by side, the amount of ice that covered those places 20 years ago and how much less ice covers them today. Gore makes an excellent teacher and he's passionate enough about his subject to really induce the liberal guilt (okay, we get it, we'll buy the energy efficient light bulbs and a Toyota). The film also does a great job of painting Al Gore as a lone maverick, traveling the globe on a mission to educate the world about the catastrophic threat of global warning- city by city. I found myself buying the image (but seriously, like the man carries his own luggage?) and I think he might just be a hero.