the bossiest reindeer of all

I've wrapped presents, made cookies, played Christmas carols, and now I'm going to go curl up and enjoy our fire. Hey you! Yeah, you, dumbass. Get off the computer and go enjoy Christmas!

true story

The Real World To Be Taped In Austin

Dec 22, 2004 5:07 pm US/Central
The MTV series that ushered in reality television will land in Austin next month -- for the 16th edition of "The Real World". The 24 episodes will air starting in June. The show brings together seven strangers between the ages of 18 and 24 to live in a swank loft or house and films them around the clock, at home and on the town. Past locations include Los Angeles, Chicago and Paris. Mayor Will Wynn says Austin is the smallest city to host a "Real World" cast. The site in Austin wasn't disclosed. "The Real World" has been a hit since its 1992 debut season, which was set in New York City. It's M-T-V's longest-running series. Murray would not say where the house is either, but did say, "They will have very cool digs."

If I haven't returned your call...

Shows that I am watching with a crazy person’s fervor:
Lost
Gilmore Girls
One Tree Hill
The Apprentice 2
Significant Others
And yes I will totally watch a Buffy rerun I've seen a million times, any time it's on.

Shows that I keep watching for unknown reasons:
ER
Days of Our Lives
Real World: Philadelphia
Wife Swap/Trading Spouses (these are essentially the same show)
West Wing
NYPD Blue

Shows that have me counting the days until their return:
Nip/Tuck
Deadwood
Carnivale (Jan. 9! Woohoo!)
Newlyweds

update

Last weekend was my work holiday party at the new downtown Austin Hilton. The place was nice and we got a discounted room rate for the night. The party itself was pleasant enough. It's weird to be sociable with coworkers outside of work. It takes lots of alcohol to make it go smoothly. My company provided us with dinner, a cover band, dancing, and two free drink tickets each. Once we ran out of drink tickets, a Bud Light cost $4.25. Ouch. We had planned for months to go out to Sixth Street after the party since we already had parking space and a room so it was extra convenient. But I had a cold and my meds wore off and I was ready to pass out. We got up early the next morning due to the pleasant sound of jack hammers outside the hotel window at the building site next door. So we got up, checked out, and went out for breakfast- which I always want to do but am usually too lazy to bother on the weekends. Then we went home and went back to sleep. Nobody parties like us.

I have gotten the tiniest amount of Christmas shopping done. I've gotten half of Rob's presents, his mom's, his brother's, his grandmother's and that's it. I haven't gotten anything for my family yet, and haven't a clue what to get for my sister. Her birthday party is this weekend. She's four! And impossible to shop for, cause I swear she has everything.

The Armadillo Christmas Bazaar starts this weekend. Hurray! Last year we went on the last night, Christmas Eve, which was a mistake because some of the booths were already closed and packed up, and I'd already finished all my shopping by that point. The Bazaar is one of my favorite Christmas things. All sorts of really talented artists and craftsmen have booths set up with all kinds of great things to buy from handmade gemstone jewelry, prints, vintage concert posters, handmade hammocks and soaps and nightlights... All sorts of crazy stuff, as well as live music every night and food and drinks for sale. The weekends can get kinda crazy though, so I think this year we're going to try for a week night.

Oh, and before I forget, what is up with Lindsay Lohan getting an album deal? For real. I saw her video on MTV yesterday, and once I got over the shock of MTV playing a music video, I had to cover my ears because that song is rank. And it's painfully obvious that they used all sorts of tricks in the studio to try to cover up the fact that she simply can't sing. So I told one of my coworkers today about the Lindsay album, and he was like "What next? Tara Reid?" But nope, it's worse. Paris Hilton. Stop, stop, stop hurting America girls.

When cell phones attack.

Super Size This

Greatest new invention: The Hardee's" Monster Thickburger! My favorite part? Apparently two patties, three slices of cheese, four slices of bacon and mayo weren't enough. The bun is buttered!

Now why don't we have a Hardee's in Texas dammit?

"They came untied."

A 59-year-old great-grandmother is pregnant with twins and will deliver next month, three decades after she had her tubes tied. "I started craving grapes and apples, things I don't usually crave. By then I was four months pregnant." The news was even more shocking considering Harris -- the mother of five, grandmother of 14 and great-grandmother of six -- had her tubes tied 33 years ago after the birth of her youngest child. She was divorced years ago from the twins' father, 60-year-old Raymond Harris, a heavy equipment operator. She said they will remarry before the birth.

Note to self: Do not get tubes tied in rural Georgia.

Leave Thanksgiving alone.

Yo America! I gotta tell you something. Are you listening? Seriously, this is important. Stop eating and drinking everything put in front of you. Your life is not an uninterrupted episode of Fear Factor.

I still blame Florida.

“For my safety, I know he’s the one who’s going to do the job,” retiree Rebecca Lesko said after voting for Bush in Linwood, N.J. “I think (Osama) bin Laden is scared of Bush. That’s why we haven’t been bombed yet.”

Well kids, it's all over. So what will it be? Toronto or Vancouver?

My mother was in a bank today when an armed robber came in and told everyone to get down on the floor. When the robber wasn't looking, she and several other people ran out of the bank and called the police. Now most people would consider this a frightening experience. You may hear people say "my life flashed before my eyes". But do you know what my mother says? "I wish I'd been close enough to take him down. He was skinny, I could have taken him."

Six Flags Quality

On October 9th, the fam and I went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas in San Antonio. While we were there Rob and I posed for pictures at the Old Time Photo shop. You know, one of those places where they have an assortment of period costumes and props and they’ll take a black and white picture of you for an exorbitant fee? So we posed and they took some pictures. While we were posing, the batteries died in both of the digital cameras belonging to the store. They were also fighting with their printer over a paper jam that occurred on the customer’s photo that was taken before us. The girls working the store then announced that they wouldn’t be able to take any more photos that evening, and asked us to come back in 30 minutes to pick up our photo. So we did, and of course our photo wasn’t ready, due to the previously mentioned paper jam (and yes my mom asked if they had tried resetting the computer). So they offered to mail it to us. I paid for the picture (an 8x10) and provided our mailing address. Yesterday, the package arrives, from Ohio (wtf?). The envelope didn’t have “PHOTOS – PLEASE DO NOT BEND” written anywhere on it, so of course it was bent. So after three weeks, we received two 5x7 photos of a pose we did not choose, complete with some bizarre white spot on both of them making them unsuitable for framing. Gee, thanks for the memories Fiesta Texas.

Kinda not surprising.

"You are Shannon. Stereotypical rich bitch, you prefer working on your tan to helping out the other survivors. You spent a year in France, but you drank more than you spoke with the natives. You eagerly await the arrival of the rescue boat so that you can be whisked back to civilization, where your frivolous pursuits await you. And you wouldn't mind getting away from your brother Boone, 'God's friggin' gift to humanity'."

Which "Lost" Character Are You? Brought to you by Quizilla.

Hoedown (Ho down?)

I cannot believe the Ashlee Simpson meltdown we just witnessed on SNL. Her audio tape started playing before she started "singing" and she just totally froze and walked off the stage. Awesome! And then, at the end of the show, during the wrap-up group hug, she blamed her band for playing the wrong song. Priceless.

Return of the Stepford Apprentice

Potential bestseller?

What It Takes: Speak Up, Step Up, Move Up: A Modern Woman's Guide to Success in Business by Amy Henry (otherwise known as How to Come In Third).

"It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery."

I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I'm still giggling about the bitchslap heard 'round the world.

Jon Stewart (to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala on Crossfire: "Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America."

Can you say worst "Gilmore Girls" ever? That made "One Tree Hill" look like some finely crafted drama. And what’s up with the obscure Manson Family references? Leslie Van Houten in the season finale and Tex Watson tonight. Did one of the Palladinos just finish that hot best seller of 1974, Helter Skelter?

When Trashy People Preach

I am endlessly entertained by the merciful Christian types who are forever twisting Bible passages to suit their needs and conveniently forgetting the ones that don't. There's one guy at work who's frequently changing his instant messenger screen name to something preachy and offensive (at the work place anyway). Yesterday it was: "strive to treat others better than you treat yourself". And today it's: "don't bring me your tired, your poor, your huddle (sic) masses." Doesn't the irony just kill? But luckily, considering he isn't the Statue of Liberty, I think he's safe from such occurrences.

What's up with the poncho hate?

Slate: Is That a Real Poncho? The hideous new trend afflicting America.

C'mon, you know you want to.

A - Age: 27

B - Band listening to right now: Smug and Smugger, otherwise known as my dueling coworkers

C - Crush: Dude, I’m married.

D - Dad's name: Who cares?

E - Easiest person to talk to: Nicole, especially since she’s out of the country and can’t roll her eyes at me from there.

F - Favorite band at the moment: Dixie Chicks

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears. I don’t eat worms, no matter how colorful.

H - Hometown: Austin, Texas

I - Instruments: Voice (nobody said it was a high quality, well tuned instrument)

K - Kids: Does Rob count?

L - Longest car ride ever: From San Marcos, Texas to Palermo, New Jersey. Have you ever noticed how wide Tennessee is??

M - Mom's name: Julia

N - Number of siblings: Two, that I know of.

P - Phobia[s]: I am fearless! Shutup, I so am.

Q - Favorite Quote: Today? “I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft.” -President George W. Bush

R - Reason to smile: flowers, Fall, and bread

S - Song you sang last: “Goodbye Earl” –Dixie Chicks

T - Time you wake up: 6:45am, 6:50am, 6:55am, 7:00am

U - Unknown fact about me: I am an open book! But sometimes, I hold the TV remote with my toes.

V - Vegetable you hate: Cabbage

W - Worst habit: Talking during TV shows and movies? Or the ritual kitten sacrifices? Probably the talking thing.

X - X-rays you've had: teeth, foot, back, stomach

Y - Yummy food: Double Dave’s Peproni Rolls…. And Salt Lick potato salad

Z - Zodiac sign: Libra

Swiped from where or when

Fall and Halloweenyness

Things I’m currently excited about:

-Potential cool weather

-Cute cold weather accessories

-Ponchos

-Macaroni and Gilmore Girls (Don’t judge! It’s Tuesday and I’m a creature of habit. Besides, Sebastian Bach singing the theme from The Greatest American Hero? There aren’t even words dude.)

-Wurstfest (November 6th baby!)

-My work holiday party at the Hilton (seriously)

-The hot new Australian guy on One Tree Hill

-Getting my braces off in seven months

-Halloween –even though we’re not dressing up or going anywhere

-Nora Roberts’ new novel: Northern Lights

-The sixth season of Buffy now out on DVD! (complete with the musical episode: “Once More With Feeling”)

-Pumpkin scented candles

-Pumpkin pie

-Halloween candy!

Spoiled and Dissed

You’re dying to know what I got for my birthday, aren’t you? Since I went on and on about how many shopping days were left, and my Amazon wishlist, etc. I got the X Files first season box set, and the Angel fourth season box set, and the Northern Exposure first season box set. Noticing a trend here? I also received The Lost Boys Collector’s Edition DVD, and two books: What Would Buffy Do? The Vampire Slayer as a Spiritual Guide and another book that I wanted so much that the title currently escapes me. I got a cute new pink corduroy purse, a glass train style makeup case from Sephora, a bottle of Ralph Lauren’s Romance perfume, and a cool scarf from Urban Outfitters. And my mom knitted me a great pink poncho that you can see here. Oh! And two beautiful bouquets, balloons, chocolates, a chocolate chip cookie cake, and a decorated cube at work. And yes, I know I’m the most spoiled girl ever. We went to Romeo’s on Barton Springs for dinner, and then out bowling at Showplace Lanes with a few friends. I’m struggling not to disown all the friends who totally dissed me on my birthday. And yeah, that will probably be the last usage of “dissed” ever on this blog.

Working just hard enough...

Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't? Don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, alright? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

I just have to say it. I love the comedy duo that is Bess Armstrong and Huey Lewis on "One Tree Hill". Just brilliant.

I've been sick for last two days and if I'm still sick on my birthday, I'm going to cry.

Consider yourself warned.

Our DVD player decided to break the week that I joined Netflix. We just received our first movies: Mean Girls, Mystic River, and Secondhand Lions. This is the second Apex DVD player to go belly up on us in four years. Bastards. So we'll have to go to Costco tomorrow and see if we can find a cheap replacement that isn't Apex for a change.
The Shawshank Redemption has been re-released in some theaters for it's tenth anniversary. Woohoo!
Five shopping days left until my birthday. Feel free to get me a DVD player. (Our bedroom one is busted too.)

Only 14 more shopping days left until my birthday! (Or only about seven days if you're shopping from my Amazon wishlist.)

September 16, 2000

Four years ago today, Rob and I (with the generous help of our parents) had a great big party. Lots of beloved friends and family members, from California to New Jersey, came to San Marcos for the weekend to stay up late, eat BBQ, and do the twist with us. I got to wear a long white dress and Rob wore a tuxedo. There were tons of beautiful flowers and candles and presents. Aunt Shug got up and sang for us and our friend Kathleen stood up and said some pretty words. Rob and I agreed, and we were married. Gosh that was fun! Can we do it again?

I [heart] eBay

The summer I was sixteen I went to Flipnotics Coffee Space one night with Ben & Jimmy (I don’t remember if John came too). Ben just had to see Herman the German play that night. While Herman was playing, I wandered downstairs to look in the window of the Flipnotics clothing shop (back when they were far less pretentious). And in the window was the most beautiful pair of Barbie pink eight-hole Doc Martens boots that I just had to have or I would die. Well the store wasn’t open at the time, which is probably just as well since I was working at Simon David that summer bagging groceries, and I probably had all of $20 in my pocket. Once I got home I harassed my mother, probably 24 hours a day until she took me back to the store. And when we got there, the precious pink docs were gone. So I got my black eight-hole boots instead (which I still have), a much more practical choice at the time.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon an eBay listing for a pair of pink docs, the only ones available ANYWHERE as far as I can tell, and they’re in my size. And because I have the best husband in the world, Rob decided that even if it meant getting into a vicious bidding war with someone named sphycokitten77, I would have the pink docs as an early birthday present. So here they are, straight from hurricane riddled Florida (thanks Heather!) as they were always meant to be, on my feet.

Cube Entertainment

Anybody know where I can get downloads of the "Saturday Night Live" commercials for the lower back tattoo removal cream and the spoof of the 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' ad campaign?

19 shopping days left until my birthday!

I wanna be Oprah when I grow up.

CHICAGO -- Talk show host Oprah Winfrey celebrated the premiere of her 19th season Monday by surprising each of her 276 audience members with a new car.

What do I have to do to get a red alert around here?

Cheney: Wrong Vote Invites Attack. If you vote for the democrats, the terrorists will kill you.
But wait... who was in power during the last terrorist attack? Oh right.

Republicans Take Over the World With Fuzzy Math

From MSNBC:

NEW YORK - The Republican National Convention went up close and personal Tuesday night, hearing the stories of a president agonizing over the awesome consequences of his power and a poor immigrant who conquered the worlds of competitive bodybuilding, show business and politics to become governor of the nation’s largest state.

Except for the part where California is the third largest state.

And later in the article:

Appearing on NBC’s “Today,” Bush was asked Monday whether the war on terrorism was winnable. “I don’t think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions so that the — those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world,” Bush said.
Bush believes the United States will win the war on terrorism, despite his remarks suggesting it could not be won, White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Tuesday. In his acceptance speech Thursday, the president “will make it crystal clear ... that we will win the war on terrorism by continuing to take the fight to the enemy,” McClellan said.

What he meant was, we can't win the war on "terra", because the Earth is just gonna kick our ass on that one.

From the ohmigod files:

Friends don't let friends get decapitated.
Sent by Brian


And friends don't let friends mummify in their apartments.
Sent by Julia

32 Shopping Days Until My Birthday

Just to help you out, I'm feeling very pink this year. Behold the updated wish list.

This is who we should have invited to Rob's party to finish off the beer: Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground.

KEYE News: Making 5:45am local sportscasts safe for the kiddos.

Expletive costs KEYE sports anchor his job (subscription required). So two people lost their job over an ‘F bomb’ that likely no one heard? Priorities people. And good luck Andy.

Updated 9/2/04 at 4:55am: Livejournal comment from Jason: KEYE has hired Andy back after realizing how retarded they were.

Sometimes I do work at work. This isn't one of those times.

Stumbled upon a really entertaining blog written by a woman in L.A. The initial posts were so funny that I went back and read all of her previous entries. And also, cause I'm obsessive like that. Anyway, really good stuff, and now she's moving to Austin, so I look forward to an outsider's take on our oddities. She's already experienced the horror that is H.E.B., so she's had her trial by fire. Check her out if you get a chance, and good luck in grad school Angry Bridesmaid.

Remembering the Gross Times

In case you were wondering what to get me for my birthday (42 shopping days left): Return of the Garbage Pail Kids!

poor pathetic me

I finished Visions in Death last night. It's book number 20 of the In Death Series by J.D. Robb (aka Nora Roberts). I keep trying to convince people to read the series so that I have someone to talk to about them. The only other person I know who reads them is seriously annoying. So now that I've finished that one, I have nothing to read except Hillary's biography, which I've been shamefully putting off. It's just not trashy enough.
My most recent Old Navy order arrived on Saturday. It included my new 3/4 sleeve french blue button up shirt, new khaki pants, and a new cargo skirt. I was ironing the blue shirt last night in hopes of wearing it this week. I accidentally burned it, right on the front, a darkened patch in the shape of an iron. I'm not even sure how it happened, except that maybe the heat setting was too high and the fabric blend contains nylon. So I hadn't even worn the shirt and now it's ruined. It's extremely dissapointing and I'm still trying not to cry.

Pimento cheese and Snackwell's crackers. I'm a wealth of complexities.

Those We Do Not Shut Up About

We saw The Village last night. I liked it, so I’m not sure why the critics are hatin’. I liked it better than Unbreakable and it was definitely better than Signs. You have to appreciate that M. Night Shyamalan is one of the few filmmakers out there who still has a surprise or two up his sleeves. (And since I’m one of those annoying people who guess the plot twist out loud seconds before it’s revealed, ruining the entire movie for others- according to Rob, then this should be very appreciated.) I was a bit disappointed at Joaquin Phoenix and Sigourney Weaver’s lack of screen time. Who knew Bryce Dallas Howard was going to monopolize the entire thing? Oh, and I’m calling it right now: She’s the poor man’s Claire Danes. And since Claire Danes took up with Billy Crudup while Mary Louise Parker was eight months pregnant with his kid, that’s not saying much. And no, there’s no explanation for why I possess that knowledge.

Potpourri

Rob’s 29th birthday party was last Saturday night. Any of you losers who didn’t show up missed out on lots and lots of beer. We had a pony keg, which contains 84 servings. There were 12 people at the party counting Rob and I. We returned the keg about a quarter full. Next time everyone will be required to consume their seven servings each.

We’ve postponed our house search until the spring. Our apartment lease is up then and it was going to cost us $600 just to get out of the lease early. We now know all the expenses we need to be prepared for and the neighborhood we want to buy in. We ended up withdrawing an offer we’d put in on a really cute four bedroom, two bath, seven closet house that I REALLY wanted. I try not the think about it. But seven closets? I was going to have one that was just for purses. Sigh.

I’m sharing two interesting articles today. I can’t seem to get enough of the Scott Peterson case, like the rest of the country it seems. And I don’t want to be too judgmental, because I know Amber Frey is not the criminal in this case. But what single mom gives the key to her place and leaves her child alone with someone on the third date?

And now on a totally different topic. Cow Udder Doping Scandal Hits Australia. Maybe it’s time we stopped judging dairy cows on their appearance?

And I am compiling a list of the movies that make me sob the hardest. Why? Because I work for a high tech company in the silicon hills that can’t seem to keep a steady network connection. I get bored.

Control your jealousy.

We had a seriously uneventful weekend. We drove to San Marcos to get my hair cut because that's where my hair dresser is. Rob went with me to keep me company and because I bribe him with lunch at Mamacita's. Then Saturday night we went with Brian to dinner and to the Alamo Drafthouse Lakecreek to see The Village. We got there an hour early and it was already sold out. So rather than drive to another theater where it was likely to be sold out as well, we stayed and saw Anchorman, with Will Ferrell. Not the best movie of the year, but it actually had some pretty funny moments. Ebert gave Anchorman three stars and The Village only one star. So who knows? Maybe it was money better spent. Besides, I just love the Alamo Drafthouse. More movie theaters should sell beer.
We also spent some time this weekend watching Colonial House. The eight hour PBS reality series premiered in May and we've just now gotten around to watching the reccorded episodes. Twenty or so men and women go live as 1628 colonists in Maine. From pbs.org: "Residing in a 17th-century environment cultivated from extensive research, the colonists negotiate personal and communal challenges as they deal with the demoralizing weather, rustic living conditions and backbreaking labor. Among the points of dissension that arise in the colony are: the rigid class and gender roles, mandatory religious observance, and the puritanical civil laws of the era, particularly those pertaining to profanity."
Who says we don't know how to have an exciting weekend?

We call it free gift with purchase.

Texas Teens Finds Marijuana In McDonald's Dessert

Author Paula Danziger dead at 59

Childrens’ books included The Cat Ate My Gymsuit
The Associated Press
Updated: 6:01 p.m. ET July 09, 2004
NEW YORK - Paula Danziger, author of numerous popular books for children and young adults, has died of complications from a heart attack in New York City.
Danziger’s first novel, The Cat Ate My Gymsuit, was published to glowing notices 30 years ago.
She also wrote the Amber Brown books about a pugnacious grade schooler.
Danziger grew up in New Jersey and became a schoolteacher in 1967. She says she always wanted to write, but didn’t start until a week in which she survived two car accidents in two days.
“Before I got hit by a bus,” she said.
Paula Danziger was 59.

The Church of Baseball

We leave for vacation on Wednesday, at some ungodly hour of the morning. Just two days left to pretend to work and throw way too many clothes and shoes into a suitcase. How does a girl with 20 pairs of flip flops narrow it down? So Wednesday morning, we board a plane bound for Cooperstown, NY, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame (which we will not be visiting). Also the home of James Fenimore Cooper and his lovely touristy estate, which we also not be visiting. Oh, and Barnyard Swing, Cooperstown's newest miniature golf course, which we will totally be visiting. We will be staying in a house on the shore of pristine Lake Otsego (according to the chamber of commerce). We will be without television, without internet access, and likely have very spotty cell phone reception for seven whole days. I will easily not worry about work, or bills, and I will struggle a lot to not worry about the four bedroom house in Anderson Mill that I'm in love with and desperately hope has not been bought out from under us while we're out of town (I would paste the link to the house here, but you would just buy the house for yourself and our friendship would be ruined). I will be laying on the dock, reading a trashy romance novel or riding around in Rob's grandfather's 80 year-old wooden boat, or attempting to hunt for non-baseball themed souvenirs. Try not to be eaten up with jealousy.

yay for books!

Pamie's book drive for the San Diego Public Libraries is going strong. They've received over 200 books, but they still need many more due to drastic budget cutbacks.
It's super easy to donate. Each library branch has an Amazon wishlist, many of them filled with books for children and young adults. I donated today. The Ranch San Diego Branch Library should be receiving:
Drawing Cats by Katy Bratun which was ranked a “must have” on the library’s wishlist.

Anne of Green Gables by L.M Montgomery which is still one of my favorite books of all time, and every girl should get to read it.

Remember the Ladies: 100 Great Amererican Women by Cheryl Harness, because sure, remember the ladies. But the best part? The misspelling of American? That’s how it appears on Amazon. I’m hoping that on the book itself it’s spelled correctly.

It was fun, easy, and now I get to be smug all day. What are you sending?

Miles Allen Matheny

My friend Brian (we've been friends for more than ten years) lost his brother Allen this week. Allen died suddenly at the age of 21. He was burried today in Pflugerville after a funeral so full that they ran out of seating. Brian eulogized him with the perfect mixture of humor and love and Allen will be greatly missed. Allen's obituary can be viewed online. If you're the praying sort, please add Brian and his family to your prayers and thoughts.

Bush, Bumperstickers, and Books

We went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 tonight. It's showing at six theaters in Austin, two in North Austin, one in South Austin, one on the UT campus and one in Pflugerville, a suburb of Austin. We went to the theater closest to us, just down the street. We arrived for the 4pm show 30 minutes early hoping for a good seat. The movie is showing on two screens there and it was sold out all day until 7:45pm. So we bought tickets then, went home for a while and went back, again 30 minutes early. We walked in to find the line to get in for the movie snaking around the entire lobby of the theater. Rob held our place in line while I went to buy concessions. The 5 person concession line moved much slower than the line of at least 50 people waiting to get into the film, so I gave up and we went in and ended up in the front row.
The movie is great, even better than Bowling for Columbine. It has funny moments, but more incredibly sad ones. It left me feeling angry (I had no idea I was still bitter about Florida), a little helpless and desperately hoping there were some undecided voters in the crowd tonight. They can't possibly be undecided now. If you haven't seen it, you have to. Go right now, this weekend. Pamie is right, this box office counts. This film is already sending a message. Let this weekend's message be from us.
After the parade of liberal bumper stickers we saw at the theater, I'm feeling a little guilty for not being gutsy enough to display my politics on my vehicle, so I'll have to peruse EvolveFish.com.
In other important news, Pamie has started this year's book drive, to benefit the San Diego Public Libraries, which have experienced drastic budget cuts this year. She organized a book drive last year that netted over 650 books for the Oakland Public Libraries. I'll be donating on Friday (pay day). I'm really excited at the idea of donating books that I might not have gotten to read if I hadn't had a library card. I'm also thinking about going through my shelves to find some books that can be donated to the Austin Public Libraries. What about you?

I spoke too soon.

Best article of the day: When Vending Machines Attack- Notify Homeland Security!

All the things you wanted to know...

• I don't have anything new to share, not even a good link.
• If I don't find a good link, I don't feel like blogging.
• It's Friday, almost 4pm and I have one more work order left to do that I've been putting off the entire day.
• I'm debating over whether to buy M&M's or Reese's Pieces from the vending machine.
• Trying to decide if going to see Fahrenheit 9/11 tomorrow will be too much of a hassle (like going to an Al Franken book signing, Austin liberals crawl out from under their rocks en masse).
• I finished my 100 Things About Me list. It's about as fascinating as everyone else's.
• I received email from my friends Cacedra and Leslie. Cacedra has braces too and Leslie has moved to Cairo. Cause she's freakin crazy! The more people that I know travel, the more I feel like I've never done anything or been anywhere.
• Rob and I have bought our plane tickets to go spend a week at his family's lake house in Cooperstown, New York in July. They have a new mini golf course!
• In retrospect, it's probably a good thing that my work vending machine no longer carries Little Debbie Zebra Cakes.

Finally!

Minne Driver Gets Album Deal.

Welcome to My Cube Hell

Take this handy quiz: Which Office Moron Are You? and find out if you deserve a swank window seat or a cubby hole in storage B. (Oh and while you're down there, if you could take care of that cockroach problem we've been having...?) Admit it, you're the incompetent egotist, aren't you? Don't feel bad, I'm the old timer.

Link submitted by Julia

If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

And here I was, just the other day, thinking that cooking hot dogs is so hard. Surely there's a way it can be made easier? Pop-Up Hot Dog Cooker: Making the World a Better Place.

Wow! Work CAN be fun!

Time wasting climbs to new levels: Portrait Illustration Maker. What does it say about me that I never get tired of making little icons out of myself?

What ever happened to flowers?

Lunch at Cracker Barrel? $25.99. Mouse trap? 69 cents. Being charged with felony extortion for Mother's Day? Priceless.
Mom & Son Accused of Planting Mouse in Soup
Who's the lucky medical professional who had to perform the autopsy on the mouse? Bet their mom is proud.

Wrong In So Many Ways

Easily the best article of the day: Man Commits Suicide After Sex with Hen.

Loving the last sentence:
"The hen was slaughtered after the incident. "

At least the home wrecking hussy got what was coming to her.

I didn't even know they sold church steeples as accessories.

Now tell me again "the comptroller never favors one religion over another"?

Carole Keeton Strayhorn: The lesser of two evils steps it up a notch.

Texas official says Unitarian church not a tax-exempt religion

BY R.A. DYER Knight Ridder Newspapers

AUSTIN, Texas - (KRT) - Unitarian Universalists have for decades presided over births, marriages and memorials. The church operates in every state, with more than 5,000 members in Texas alone.

But according to the office of Texas Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn, a Texas Unitarian church isn't really a religious organization - at least for tax purposes. Its reasoning: The organization "does not have one system of belief."

Never before - not in this state nor any other - has a government agency denied Unitarians tax-exempt status because of the group's religious philosophy, church officials say. Strayhorn's ruling clearly infringes upon religious liberties, said Dan Althoff, board president for the Denison, Texas, congregation that was rejected for tax exemption by the comptroller's office.

"I was surprised - surprised and shocked - because the Unitarian church in the United States has a very long history," said Althoff, who notes that father-and-son presidents John Adams and John Quincy Adams were both Unitarians.

Strayhorn's ruling, as well as a similar decision by former Comptroller John Sharp, has left the comptroller's office straddling a sometimes murky gulf separating church and state.

What constitutes religion? When and how should government make that determination? Questions that for years have vexed the world's great philosophers have now become the province of the state comptroller's office.

Questions about the issue were referred to Jesse Ancira, the comptroller's top lawyer, who said Strayhorn has applied a consistent standard - and then stuck to it. For any organization to qualify as a religion, members must have "simply a belief in God, or gods, or a higher power," he said.

"We have got to apply a test, and use some objective standards," Ancira said. "We're not using the test to deny the exemptions for a particular group because we like them or don't like them."
Since Strayhorn took over in January 1999, the comptroller's office has denied religious tax-exempt status to 17 groups and granted them to more than 1,000, according to records obtained by the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Although there are exceptions, the lion's share of approvals have gone to groups that appear to have relatively traditional faiths, records show.

But of the denials, at least a fourth include less traditional groups. In addition to the Denison Unitarian church, the rejected groups include a Carrollton, Texas, group of atheists and agnostics, a New Age group in Bastrop, Texas, and the Whispering Star Clan/Temple of Ancient Wisdom, an organization of witches in Copperas Cove, Texas.

Some of the denials occurred because of missing paperwork or other problems, according to the comptroller's office. A few, like the denial for the New Age group and the witches group, were decided because their services were closed to the public, according to documents.

But the denials of the Red River Unitarian Universalist Church in Denison, the North Texas Church of Freethought in Carrollton, and an earlier denial by Sharp for the Ethical Culture Fellowship of Austin, were ordered because the organizations did not mandate belief in a supreme being.

The disputed tax dollars don't amount to much, but the comptroller has taken a stand on principle, Ancira said.

"The issue as a whole is, Do you want to open up a system where there can be abuse or fraud, or where any group can proclaim itself to be a religious organization and take advantage of the exception?" he said.

Those who oppose the comptroller's "God, gods or supreme being" test say that it can discriminate against legitimate faiths. For example, applying that standard could disqualify Buddhism because it does not mandate belief in a supreme being, critics say.

Opponents note that the federal government applies less stringent rules for federal tax exemptions and yet manages to discourage fraud and abuse. They also question whether the comptroller's office has formulated excuses to discriminate against nontraditional groups, such as those that include witches and pagans.

But Ancira says it's up to the comptroller's office to interpret state law, which he describes as rather vague. He insists the comptroller never favors one religion over another.

"This comptroller, in particular, wants everybody on a level playing field," he said.

The comptroller's office has not always barred "creedless" religions from tax exemption, said Douglas Laycock, a University of Texas law professor who specializes in religious liberty issues.
That standard first came up in 1997, when then-Comptroller Sharp ruled against the Ethical Culture Fellowship of Austin. In making that decision, Sharp overturned the recommendation of his staff.

The Ethical Culture Fellowship sued, claiming that Sharp overstepped his authority. Allied with the group in the ongoing lawsuit are pastors from a broad range of faiths, including Baptists, Lutherans and Mennonites.

Both the lower court and the Texas Supreme Court have ruled against the state's decision. In one opinion, an appeals court said the comptroller's test "fails to include the whole range of belief systems that may, in our diverse and pluralistic society, merit the First Amendment protection."
Strayhorn vows to continue the legal fight to the U.S. Supreme Court, if necessary. "Otherwise, any wannabe cult who dresses up and parades down Sixth Street on Halloween will be applying for an exemption," she said in an April 23 news release.

The Red River Unitarian Universalist Church, the 50-member congregation whose tax application was rejected by Strayhorn's office, has held services in Denison for seven years. Althoff said his group includes "hard-core atheists" as well as "New Agey-type people."

But the lack of a single creed is a hallmark of Unitarianism, Althoff said. Instead, Unitarian Universalists have seven guiding principles, including "respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part," according to the Unitarian Universalist Web site.

The group also draws from various religious and philosophical traditions, including Jewish, Christian, humanist and Earth-centered teachings, but promotes individual freedom of belief, according to the Web site. It notes that Unitarians and Universalists have operated in the United States for at least 200 years, although the two groups did not merge until 1961.

It now includes about 40 congregations in Texas, and more than 1,000 in the United States, Canada and Mexico.

Despite its lack of a specific creed, Unitarian Universalism is as much a religion as any other, Althoff said. From his perspective, religion is not just about the answers to life's big questions, but also calls on people to evaluate the questions themselves.

"It seems to me that any (group) that is specifically organized to address and explore the issues of what constitutes the good life, both here and perhaps in the afterworld, would qualify" as a religion, Althoff said.

The Rev. Anthony David, lead pastor of Pathways Church in Southlake, Texas, said he is disturbed by the comptroller's decision because it ignores Unitarian Universalists' belief that spiritual fulfillment can emerge in "different ways at different levels."

"It reflects an incredible misunderstanding of what a church needs to look like," David said.
Pathways teaches that God is a term that describes the source of ultimate meaning and purpose, but the church does not advocate a one size fits all theology, David said.

"Creedlessness doesn't mean no belief or anything goes," he said.

Craig Roshaven of Fort Worth's First Jefferson Unitarian Universalist Church said he has followed the comptroller's decisions with growing dismay.

His group has tax-exempt status, but he wonders what's to prevent Strayhorn from revoking it.
"The comptroller's same logic could be applied to any of us," he said.

Ancira said the comptroller's office has no plans for such reversals. But, then again, said Ancira, "there's nothing preventing us from doing so."

(Staff writer Darren Barbee contributed to this report.)
© 2004, Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Iraq the Model

"Yes, we should put our hands in each other’s because we have a common destiny." - from an Iraqi blog.

Which sign of the apocalypse is this?

Well, to be fair, May does have a history of apocalypses...
The Quizno's Spongemonkeys have been outdone by the Subservient Chicken.

"What about prom Blaine?"

Thought this was a great idea for a charity: Florida Teen Leaves Dress Charity as Legacy. And how hard could it be to donate? If you too have an old prom dress laying around, unused, at the bottom of a rubbermaid storage bin, visit Becca's Closet to donate. Think there's actually some needy girl out there who wants my harlot red, floor length, Scarlet O'Hara number, circa 1996?

April goes bye-bye.

Happy Birthday to Grandma Shirley and Aunt Martha- who have interchangeable birthdays!

Attack of the Killer Snails!

I am so freaked out about these! Giant Snails Seized From Schools. The size of a person's hand. A hand! Hand sized snails! Am I the only one feeling the hysteria?

"They are concerned the snails, about the size of a person's hand, could be transported to states with warmer climates, where they can rapidly reproduce and destroy plants." Um, and my sanity?

"In 1966, a Miami boy smuggled three Giant African Land Snails into the country. His grandmother eventually released them into a garden, and in seven years there were more than 18,000 of them. The eradication program took 10 years, according to the USDA." This is a horror movie waiting to happen.

Happy Belated Earth Day!

This was taken (without permission I guess) from a transcript of last night's Anderson Cooper 360° (he's so dreamy) on CNN.

COOPER: In case you didn't already know, today is Earth Day. For the past 34 years a day dedicated to saving the planet and fighting pollution. The environment has largely been a back burner issue in this presidential campaign. But today President Bush and Senator Kerry thought it prudent to promote their green agendas. But as we found out today talking clean air can be dirty business in raw politics. Take a look.

COOPER: To talk about the environment, President Bush traveled to coastal Maine.

GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: It's a day that reminds us that we must be good stewards of the land around us.

COOPER: John Kerry flew to smoggy Houston.

SEN. JOHN KERRY (D-MA), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: We are going to set a goal that by the year 2020, 20 percent of America's electricity is going to be produced by alternative and renewable sources.

COOPER: Yet at the end of this earth day, these nice green words went up in smoke. Literally. Take a look. To reach Wells National Reserve in Maine, President Bush rode on Marine One, from the White House south lawn to Andrews Air Force Base. The ten-mile trip burned up an estimated 16 gallons of fuel. He then flew on Air Force One to Sanford, Maine. That's another 882 gallons according to our estimate. Now double that for the return trip. Also add the 2.5 gallons he used to drive 30 miles in an SUV. In all, his 20-minute long speech to shore up efforts to expand wetlands cost about 1,800 gallons of fuel. What about John Kerry?

KERRY: You see these signs...

COOPER: He flew on a Boeing 727 from New Orleans to Houston. That's an estimated 1,000 gallons of fuel. Flying back to Washington, D.C. gobbles an estimated 4,000 gallons. He rode approximately 58 miles in an SUV, that's about 5 gallons. In all his 30-minute long Earth Day speech consumed some 5,000 gallons of fuel. And that's not all. Don't forget the dozens of aides, Secret Service, local police and press corps that follow the candidates around. Today, Kerry's motorcade in Houston was about 15 cars long. Funny, isn't it? In the world of raw politics talking green certainly does require a lot of gas.

Bad Idea Jeans

"Normally I wear protection... but then I figured, when am I gonna make it back to Haiti?"

And Jack Osbourne too?

Mark your calendars kids! New York Minute, the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen extravaganza hits theaters May 7. How am I supposed to wait three whole weeks?

No Apologies

Yesterday, being the tenth anniversary of Kurt Cobain's suicide (or the anniversary of when it was announced, which is how I measure the years) I was hoping to have something to say. Something witty, something nostalgic, or maybe just something to mark the loss, which still feels surprisingly raw. But I didn't have anything to say. Maybe it was all said, ten years ago, when we laid around, watching MTV tributes all night long? Or maybe four days later, when Hole's album came out and briefly stunned us out of the grief? Or maybe I never had the words in the first place. In the wake of the bastard way some people chose to honor Kurt's legacy this week, it was hard to find something worthy of reading. MSN's Slate chose the right direction when they analyzed Courtney Love, her irritating antics, the shadow she'll always live in, and Live Through This, the album that healed us for a while.

new rule

Unless you are a professional aerobics instructor, do not wear sweatpants to work.

Happy Birthday!

John Curry officially becomes as old as the hills today.
Oh! And belated happy birthday to my aunt Laurie, who is one of the many, many, many March birthdays.

Not A Bile-Free Post

Since I swear that this is not an "Angel" blog, this will be my last post on the subject for some time. I try to remain mostly spoiler-free when it comes to "Angel". I know from experience, that the show can be so great when everything is a surprise. For most other shows, I'm all over the spoilers, checking IMDb and E!Online, because who really cares if the big Ross-Rachel pairing at the end of "Friends" is out of the bag?. It's become really hard to check out the Slayage links and avoid any spoilery ones. And this is especially true considering that the damned show has been cancelled. So I'm hoping for a really great series finale, right? Full of lots of surprises, unexpected twists and guest stars. But it's really freakin' hard to be spoiler free when you have MSN, IMDb and TV Guide trumpeting their headline: Sarah Michelle Gellar Out of 'Angel' Finale. It wasn't enough for them to ruin last year's "Buffy" finale by spewing all over the net about how Spike was going to be on season five of "Angel" and therefore couldn't exactly die in the final "Buffy: episode? No, I guess that wasn't enough.

It's Better Than Yours

Finally, in non-Angel related news: Feel free to admire my new daisy!

I'm Going to Hell

Do you really want to feed the children? C'mon, you can tell me the truth. Seriously. We're all friends here. For the cost of a cup of coffee a day, you could save Angel instead!

Blazing the Oregon Trail

And big congratulations to Shug and Kim, who took Portland up on their offer!

I Love Jordan Catalano Always

One day I will learn my lesson about wearing shirts with words on them. Every time some idiot asks "what does your shirt say?" so that I can read aloud to them, or every time they stare at it and read it aloud for themselves, I swear again, no more wearing shirts with words. And then today, one of the office creeps (yeah, you heard me, not the, but one of the) leaned in so that he can pause three inches from my chest to read the charity slogan across my boobs. And no, the print isn't that small. I might just be cured of t-shirts.

Mom sent me this link today. Teenagers are so much cooler than they used to be.

Generic Tivo and Torture Devices

The world seems to be turning slower. There's poor Martha Stewart, there's OJ Simpson stealing cable, there's The Apprentice, and that's it.

I had my bottom braces put on Tuesday. Why didn't anyone tell me how incredibly painful this process is? I haven't had anything good to eat since Monday, and I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself to enjoy the milkshakes I get to have. In addition to the bottom braces, and banding one of my top molars (because I broke the bracket), my orthodontist installed something called 'buttons' on the inside of my top row of teeth. Supposedly the buttons are so they can attach rubber bands later and stretch my jaw into different directions, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that she's a sadistic psycho, and I'm her Frankenstein experiment.

We finally got digital cable and the DVR from Time Warner. The DVR (Time Warner's version of the Tivo) is my new best friend. I have it recording Scrubs all season since the NBC idiots moved it to Tuesday nights, so we never catch it anymore. I'm also recording Significant Others the new show from Bravo, just because the previews looked good. The DVR is so easy to use, and we can watch our shows whenever we want, instead of being unable to leave the house because Angel is on. And no, Time Warner doesn't pay me to say this stuff. Wait until I get the first bill, then we won't be best friends anymore.

Nuptials Across America

My new best friend, 26 year-old Green party member, and mayor of New Paltz, New York, Jason West is joining the movement. N.Y. Mayor Marries Gay Couples.

Attack of the Spongemonkeys

We finally know exactly who's responsible for perpetrating this crime against humanity. Best Article of the Day: The Creatures from the Sandwich Shop.

Note to self: Search closet for ripped jeans, doc martens and Halloween makeup.

David Bowie, Primus, Big Head Todd and the Monsters, and 311 are all headed to Austin. Dude! What year is this again?

San Francisco Love

The San Francisco Chronicle has the Best Article of the Day. This is an awesome idea and guaranteed to make you feel like the great person you are. If you wish to participate, I suggest Flowers for Al and Don. All you need is a Paypal account. (This project has been floating around the web for a few days, but today's links were found at pamie's site.)

Keep it away from me!

Great. Thanks HBO. Now I just have to know. What the hell is up with Ben Affleck's rug in Daredevil? Has it always been that obvious? That thing is really freaking me out.

Robbed

The soulless bastards at the WB are cancelling Angel. Cancelling Angel and keeping Charmed? What kind of insane troll logic is that?

In the words of the great Joss Whedon: "Remember the words of the poet: 'Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.'"

Advertising Gone Terribly Wrong

I have no words to describe how much I hate the new Quizno's commercial. I wasn't overly fond of Quizno's before, but now I can safely say I'll never be eating there again. I'd be too afraid that these genetically mutated lab rats from hell are now on the menu. Oh, and the singing... [shiver] This is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Sip it or pass it man.

It was quite a news day. John Kerry might have had his very own Monica, a Real World cast member sinks to an all new low, and the wedding industry is booming. But in my personal opinion, the Best Article of the Day has to be out of Michigan: Teen's Robbery Blamed on Cold Medicine.
Sorry Mom, I never would have turned to prostitution, insider trading, or grand larceny if I hadn't been so hopped up on Robitussin. (You think I'm kidding? This is totally my new excuse for everything.)

We're hip now! (Screw the kids.)

Two theories. Ken decided, in a post-Will & Grace world, that it was no longer necessary to keep Barbie as his beard. Or, the Fox network owns a sizable chunk of Mattel stock. Barbie and Ken Split Up
What's next? Ken and his "friend" Ted want to open a bed & breakfast and adopt Skipper, but the mean state of Florida won't let them live happily ever after? Don't kids have it hard enough in the real world these days without their TOYS GETTING DIVORCED?

(Best Article of the Day submitted by Julie)

Of dead whales, thievery and transsexuals: Best Article of the Day

Introducing a new interactive feature: Best Article of the Day. Because on days when you find an article about a dead whale exploding, you just have to share it with the world.

Today's Best Article of the Day comes from (or was blatantly stolen from) Nicole. Transsexuals need reality show love too!

Feel free to email me with your picks for Best Article of the Day.

Commando is not an option.

The black and white ones don't taste the same as the colored ones. Racially unifying subtext is passé. Why won't they just leave the M&M's alone?

In other PMS related news: What sadistic misogynist is responsible for the four clasp bra? After enormous amounts of research and testing, some genius came up with the theory that three clasps were just not doing the job? Apparently women of a certain bra size were just popping right out of their beige, full coverage, industrial strength bra? Or is it a conspiracy? The brassiere engineers got together and decided it just wasn't necessary to create an aesthetically pleasing, lacy, D cup bra for women to wear under their muumuus. Or the idea of a sleepy, cranky, chubby woman trying to fasten FOUR clasps behind her back first thing in the morning, was just too amusing to pass up.

Let them eat cake! (But the cookies and ice cream is all mine.)

When I am Queen of the World, we will still pay taxes. C'mon, our country already can't pay for medicine for old people. Even I wouldn't want to make that situation worse. But we will do away with this ridiculous scenario where the IRS takes money from your every paycheck for an entire year, and then tells you that you still owe them $2000. In my kingdom, the taxes you owe will be taken only out of your regular paycheck. Because if someone is going to take money from you, why wouldn't they take everything they need? Billing you on top of that? That's just kicking you in the ass for sport.

"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."

Cordelia Chase (1997-2004) R.I.P.

ThinMintLover26

I want to buy a house. A nice, new house IN the city. I don't want to put down any down payment, and I want 100% financing. Oh, and I also don't want my monthly mortgage payments to be more than $1,000. What's so wrong about that?

In other news: Girl Scout cookie selling season should be longer.

HRH

You're wondering where my throne is? It's alright to admit it. Unfortunately, I'm a dethroned queen. In high school, when I was president of the drama club, I would insist that everyone call me Queen Kandis. (Okay, yeah, I was an insufferable teenager.) But these days, there aren't any underclassmen to boss around so this is the only realm I rule. It's a temporary exile.

Three Most Interesting Things Seen Today:

A woman wearing a beaded sweater with black nylon (swoosh-swoosh) track pants. Still pondering the place and time that could ever be an okay outfit.

The car vanity plate "NC Soft". If that's his rapper nickname, I find myself un-intimidated.

The bumper sticker "TREEHUGGER" on an SUV.

It's 10 o'clock. Do you care where your parents are?

I think of blogging as being like the kids at the end of Pump Up the Volume. Everyone gets a short wave radio and starts their own pirate radio station, so they can all be that anonymous voice rising out of the darkness. "Being weird isn't enough."