Wow. Has there ever been a man more desperate to prove his heterosexuality?

Tom & Katie: Pregnant!

I hope she has a bonus clause in her contract.

As if the Arboretum area isn't crowded enough...

Rob and I were waiting in the slowest line of our life last night to pick up our 'to go' order at La Madeleine. Rob spotted a guy who looked like Dan from the Real World Miami. I turned to look, only mildly curious, because Rob frequently says things like that when watching TV, and it's always some random nobody in a Sonic commercial. But by some fluke, he was actually right. (Likely only because he went to the same university as Dan a million years ago.) Dan Renzi, an actual reality show celebrity, was in our La Madeleine. He's apparently in town performing in a play that I know nothing about. All these years of living in Austin and I have yet to actually see one of the celebrities who lives in Austin. I kinda thought I saw Pat Green on a flight to Houston once, but it was probably just another random fast food commercial nobody.

gay tulip clay aiken blogspot

People recently landed at this site after searching for:
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The hell?

In other news: Martinis are evil.

Happy birthday to me!

I got an awesome pedicure this morning and this was was one my presents from Rob. Isn't it the cutest thing? Now if I could just remember the songs I wanted to download...

Last shopping day until my birthday. "Serenity" now!

Happy Serenity release date! Birthday week is awesome! I won't be going to see the movie tonight because I need more time to convince Rob that even though he never watched "Firefly", and he doesn't acknowledge that Joss Whedon is God (a title Joss shares with Rob Thomas), that he wants to see Serenity. I'm working on it.

"The Greatest Game Ever Played"?

What's up with the new Shia LaBeouf movie that looks like a misguided cross between "Newsies" and "The Legend of Bagger Vance"? How could that have possibly looked good scribbled on a napkin? And calling the movie "The Greatest Game Ever Played" isn't going to convince anyone that golf is an an exhilarating sport that makes people all nostalgic for some kind of Americana that never existed. That's baseball's job.

Oh, and "Lost" was also impressive last night. The show has the tendency to develop really slowly, with tiny explosive bits of development thrown in so that you don't even notice that the story has hardly moved at all. But last night was the first time the plot actually paddled backwards. I like how the "Lost" producers took all that goodwill they engendered last week, when they actually propelled the plot forward for a change, and just tossed it all away, while calling us all a bunch of suckers. Interesting choice "Lost" folks.

Holy crap! "Veronica Mars" has two mysteries this year! Who killed Felix and who tried to kill Veronica but killed Meg and some other random people on a bus instead? Awesome! And I love Charisma, and I think she should get any high school guy she wants, but she needs to stay away from Veronica's boyfriend. Duncan is a sweet kid, and the whole puppy love thing is very cute, but he and Veronica don't have half the steam she has with Logan. But nicely done twisted love triangle!

Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.

"Veronica Mars" premieres tonight! Finally! There is no containing my excitement. Who's at the door? What happened to Logan on the bridge? What will her and Duncan's relationship be like now? Will she and her dad get the $50,000 back? What's the mystery this year? Will the '09ers accept her? Do we want them to? How awesome will Charisma Carpenter be? And ohmygod, would you Nielsen families just watch already?

Old Navy is selling this abomination. I actually like the comfort of the Uggs and their many fake counterparts, and of course I surrender to the pink, but these are just wrong. Slouch boots should be worn only with stirrup pants or tapered jeans with superfluous zippers. I love the 80's too, but can't we leave anything back there?

And birthday week continues...

Happy A Breath of Snow and Ashes release date! The long awaited Diana Gabaldon novel is here! It's been four long years since The Fiery Cross, the last book in this series came out.

This sixth novel in the 15-year-old Outlander saga begins:

The year is 1772, and on the eve of the American Revolution, the long fuse of rebellion has already been lit. Men lie dead in the streets of Boston, and in the backwoods of North Carolina, isolated cabins burn in the forest.

Now that's some fun escape reading! My copy is currently in transit from Amazon and should arrive any day. And no, you can't borrow it until I'm done.

Funny hat time is approaching...

It's almost Wurstfest (the ten day salute to sausage) time again! Last year we experimented by having someone stay sober and drive us all home from New Braunfels, instead of staying in a motel like we usually do. But who is that fun for? I spent a good chunk of the day pricing motels and as usual, they're over-charging to a crazy degree during Wurstfest. The Motel 6 wants $85 for the night of November 12. Super 8 wants $90 and Holiday Inn wants $112. To stay in New Braunfels? Maniacs. Start saving up your beer money now!

First Birthday Present of the Week

My mother made me a sweater. What did you get me?

Contrary to popular belief, Austin cannot be hit by a hurricane.

Hurricane Rita is taking over Texas. And even though we live over a hundred miles inland, the stores are running out of bread, bottled water, generators and plywood. People are completely insane. We are going to have some rain and some wind. ACL Fest is gonna be nasty muddy. The power might go out briefly. The most upsetting part of that? I won't get to watch TV for a while. And I need to catch up on some sci-fi channel "Firefly" episodes!

It looks like we might miss the John Prine concert in Dallas too. We were planning to leave tomorrow after work, but my family is now worried that the traffic is going to be so awful that it's not worth it. I really hate to miss the concert. And I really hate to lose the $100 in tickets, since the concert has not yet been canceled or postponed. Feel free to join me in hoping that John Prine gets stranded in Austin (safe in his hotel of course) so that the Dallas concert gets re-scheduled.

Waco: Home of the Backwards Ass Hicks

Cups With Gay Author Quote Pulled From Baylor Starbucks

I want my three hours back!

The Emmys are a farce. "Everybody Loves Raymond" is simply not that funny. Patricia Arquette is mediocre. I love James Spader too, but Ian McShane could kick his ass even while drunk and doubled over from kidney stones.

That was one of the most boring award shows ever. However, the best part, was seeing Kristen Bell get some much deserved Emmy attention, even if it meant she had to sing the theme song to "Fame" while dancing in leg warmers and heels.

The second best part was watching Ben Affleck slump down so far in his chair, in hopes of hiding from the cameras so no one would see him slumming at the Emmys.

Happy fifth anniversary to me! Oh, and to Rob. He was kind of there too. Five whole years. So if anyone needs marital advice, feel free to ask. I'm now a professional.

Oh! And happy wedding to Nicole (she's the one to the left of me). She and Kevin have hijacked my anniversary to use as their wedding day. They're partying it up in Prague at this very moment. Lots of love! Bitches.

"The sky isn't really blue -- it's actually cyan"

Top 10 Reasons They Don't Like You at Work

Bastards. I don't really like them either.

"you idiots, they couldn't leave, they're poor"

Being poor means not having anywhere to go, even if you had a way to get there.

They knew the hurricane was coming, why didn't they just leave? One of my co-workers asked that last week. And I realized how very much I can't put it into words and make people understand what it means to be poor. There just seems to be some kind of mental block people have, and they just don't get it. You know, that same one that prevents Dubya from getting anything? They have some fantasy that even if you are poor, welfare (paid for with their tax dollars of course) takes care of you. Did you know that you can be really poor and still not be poor enough for Medicaid? Or food stamps? Or Legal Aid?

John Scalzi of Whatever: Being Poor

And this is why reality television should die:

“No, we did not think to put in the contract, ‘Do not shit on another cast member.”

Best. Show. Ever. Part 2

Kevin Smith loves Veronica!

"This is, hands-down, the best show on television right now, and proof that TV can be far better than cinema."

"In a lifetime of dedicated television watching, “Veronica Mars” is easily one of the five best shows I’ve ever dug."

It's official. Everyone is watching "Veronica Mars", but you. What the hell are you waiting for?

Why I Love September

The big At-A-Glance calendar on my cube wall (that I surround with a border of stickers every year) currently makes me look TV crazed to a Rain Man degree. See how the TV shows outnumber the rest of my life?

Sept. 9: My friend Shelia's birthday
Sept. 10: haircut appointment 11am
Sept. 11: my friend Jennifer's bridal shower
Sept. 13: "Gilmore Girls" and "Bones" season premieres
Sept. 16: Rob and I celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and my friend Nicole gets married in Prague
Sept. 19: "Kitchen Confidential" and "Medium" season premieres
Sept. 20: "Nip/Tuck" and "My Name is Earl" season premieres
Sept. 21: "Lost" season premiere
Sept. 22: "The Apprentice 4" and "Everybody Hates Chris" season premieres
Sept. 24: John Prine concert in Dallas
Sept. 25: "The West Wing" season premiere
Sept. 27: Diana Gabaldon's A Breath of Snow and Ashes is released
Sept. 28: "Veronica Mars" season premiere (I can't even convey how excited I am)

Oh, and October? My birthday! And "Close to Home" and "One Tree Hill" season premieres! I am a sad individual.

After Katrina

Two paramedics relate their experiences after being stranded in New Orleans while there for a convention.

So we pooled our money and came up with $25,000 to have ten buses come and take us out of the City. Those who did not have the requisite $45.00 for a ticket were subsidized by those who did have extra money. We waited for 48 hours for the buses, spending the last 12 hours standing outside, sharing the limited water, food, and clothes we had. We created a priority boarding area for the sick, elderly and new born babies. We waited late into the night for the "imminent" arrival of the buses. The buses never arrived. We later learned that the minute the arrived to the City limits, they were commandeered by the military.

The police command center at one point directed the group (all of whom were on foot) to the Pontchartrain Expressway where they were told there were buses waiting across the bridge.

As we approached the bridge, armed Gretna sheriffs formed a line across the foot of the bridge. Before we were close enough to speak, they began firing their weapons over our heads. This sent the crowd fleeing in various directions. As the crowd scattered and dissipated, a few of us inched forward and managed to engage some of the sheriffs in conversation. We told them of our conversation with the police commander and of the commander's assurances. The sheriffs informed us there were no buses waiting. The commander had lied to us to get us to move.

We questioned why we couldn't cross the bridge anyway, especially as there was little traffic on the 6-lane highway. They responded that the West Bank was not going to become New Orleans and there would be no Superdomes in their City. These were code words for if you are poor and black, you are not crossing the Mississippi River and you were not getting out of New Orleans.

Thousands of New Orleaners were prevented and prohibited from self-evacuating the City on foot.

At one point, the community encampment they had built on the freeway so that they would be easily viewable to rescue efforts and in order to share supplies was stormed and destroyed by local police holding guns on them.

As we retreated, the sheriff loaded up his truck with our food and water.

All the law enforcement agencies appeared threatened when we congregated or congealed into groups of 20 or more. In every congregation of "victims" they saw "mob" or "riot". We felt safety in numbers.

After they managed to get airlifted out and flown to San Antonio:

There the humiliation and dehumanization of the official relief effort continued. We were placed on buses and driven to a large field where we were forced to sit for hours and hours. Some of the buses did not have air-conditioners. In the dark, hundreds if us were forced to share two filthy overflowing porta-potties. Those who managed to make it out with any possessions (often a few belongings in tattered plastic bags) we were subjected to two different dog-sniffing searches.

Throughout, the official relief effort was callous, inept, and racist.

Sent by Jennyfivetina

US News & World Report: The Cassandra of our times.

Big Blow in the Big Easy published on July 18, 2005 (six weeks before Katrina).

"If a hurricane comes next month," says Ivor van Heerden, director of Louisiana State University's Center for the Study of Public Health Impacts of Hurricanes, "New Orleans could no longer exist."

A recent poll by the University of New Orleans suggests that 62 percent of greater New Orleans's 1.3 million residents would feel safe in their homes during a Category 3 storm. "We're a victim of our own good luck," says Susan Howell, the poll's director. The city's high poverty rate is another hurdle; almost 1 in 6 households has no car.

New Orleans is more vulnerable today than ever. Development and levee construction have put 500,000 acres of nearby coastal wetlands under water since 1965, eliminating buffers against the wind-fueled spikes in water levels known as storm surges. Even a Betsy-like Level 3 storm, which has winds of up to 130 mph, is now more likely to trigger storm surges in the Mississippi River or Lake Pontchartrain that could spill over levee walls. The resulting flood could take months to drain. "You're talking about creating a refugee camp for a million homeless residents," says van Heerden.

And on September 1, 2005:

FEMA Director Michael Brown agreed with other public officials that the death toll in the city could reach into the thousands."Unfortunately, that's going to be attributable a lot to people who did not heed the advance warnings," Brown told CNN.
"I don't make judgments about why people chose not to leave but, you know, there was a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans," he said.

A mandatory evacuation? The word evacuation implies that there was some kind of orderly procession out of town. Not the mass exodus- running for the hills- days long traffic jam for those lucky enough to have cars to take them the hell out of Dodge.

Somebody for damned sure didn't heed the advance warnings. Hopefully, their heads are going to roll.

Sent in from Leslie in San Luis Obispo: California Legislature Approves Gay Marriage

"Marriage should be between a man and a woman, end of story. Next issue," insisted Assemblyman Dennis Mountjoy (R-Monrovia). "It's not about civil rights or personal rights, it's about acceptance. They want to be accepted as normal. They are not normal."

Who decides what's 'normal'? Wealthy old white men who care way too much about what goes on in other people's bedrooms threaten the sanctity of my family.

This is what it looks like after the apocalypse.

After Katrina disaster, survivors rely on primitive skills to stay alive.

The Aristocrats is a vulgar movie. There will be no refunds for anyone who is offended.

Rob and I went to see The Aristocrats at the Alamo Drafthouse Lakecreek on Saturday. The above warning is taped all over the place. We made fun of it while buying tickets. Who would buy tickets for the unrated movie and not know that it's about a really dirty joke? I wasn't really worried. How bad could it be? And I don't offend easily. But... wow. There are ways to offend that I hadn't even thought of. And if you're not shocked by this movie, then you're as depraved as Bob Saget. And damn is that freakin' depraved. Oh, and if urine, feces, incest, and bestiality (sometimes all at once) don't offend you, there's a mime.

He's tanned and rested, but is he ready?

The New York Times: Waiting For a Leader
"And nothing about the president's demeanor yesterday - which seemed casual to the point of carelessness - suggested that he understood the depth of the current crisis."

I was just flipping around and caught a couple of minutes of the Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson. What was up with Jimmy Kimmel practically having to sit on Courtney Love to keep her from doing something totally crazy and Courtney Love-like?
Note to Courtney Love's drug supplier: Cut the girl off. She is not good advertising for your product.

Congress... Where do I sign up?

The federal minimum wage turns eight-years-old today.

The federal minimum wage has remained at $5.15 an hour for the last eight years. In that same time period, Congress has given themselves six "cost of living" raises totaling $24,500, raising their salary to $158,100. Yet they've left the minimum wage at $5.15 an hour for those they love to refer to, come campaign time, as hardworking Americans.

If an American citizen working for minimum wage works full time (40 hours per week) for one year (52 weeks) their gross salary will be $10,712. The poverty line for one individual is defined as making below $9,827. So our lucky worker is only earning $885 above the poverty line. Oh, and he very likely doesn't have health insurance.

But hey, passing a law to raise the federal minimum wage isn't as easy as you'd think. Congress was really busy this year trying to keep a vegetable alive and legalizing commercial space travel.

London Preston Federline

Britney Spears talks baby names. I would make my usual joke about her bayou trash taste, but Louisiana has it hard enough these days.
But c'mon!
"Or London Preston. Isn't London pretty? And, er, for a girl, I love Addison Shye. I think that's pretty."
Somebody please kidnap K-Fed and give that boy a vasectomy.

My birthday is in one month! Our wedding anniversary is in two weeks! John Prine concert is in three weeks! I'm helping to host a bridal shower in one week! That's all I got.
I have to move my cube at work yet again. Storage B it is.
New Orleans is gone. How awful and amazing is that?
I can't afford gas.
I wanna take a nap.

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?

My Test Results
Extroversion
66%

Emotional Stability
66%

Orderliness
73%

Accommodation
43%

Inquisitiveness

30%

Your sloan type is SCOENYour primary type is Organized

You are social, calm, organized, moderately egocentric, and non-intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Salt Lake City, Memphis, Greenville/Spartanburg, Long Island, Sacramento, New York City, Seattle/Tacoma, Portland/Salem, Detroit, Orange County and these international countries/regions Kazakhstan, Luxembourg, Bulgaria, Thailand, China, Puerto Rico, Romania, Indonesia, Mexico, India, Denmark, Spain, Caribbean, Ukraine, Brazil

I sound like Rain Man.

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?

found at All About E

Continental Airlines hates Dr. Pepper and me.

We are back from our mini-vacation to Cooperstown, New York. And now we need to take a vacation just to recover from the traveling.

I hate to say this, because I'm pretty damn tubby myself, but- I wish they would go back to weight discrimination against flights attendants. Oh yeah, I said it. I had the aisle seat in the last row of the plane on our three hour flight from Houston to Boston. And as if it wasn't bad enough that the line for the bathrooms caused people to be hovering over my seat nearly the entire flight, one of the bitchy flight attendants shoved her ample hips past my shoulder at least a hundred times on the way to Boston. Her hips took up the entire aisle spanning between the seats on either side. And you know what? Mine probably do too, but I don't have to waddle up and down the aisles of the flying tin cans they call Continental Airlines all damn day. Thank God.

And then:
Me: "Could I have a Dr. Pepper please?"
Bitchy Flight Attendant: "We don't have Dr. Pepper" said in the tone of: "Cristal? Girl, please. This is coach!"

yay! more STUFF!

Ikea to Build Big Furniture Store in Round Rock.

In your face Dallas! Hopefully by the time they're done building the Ikea store, we'll actually need more furniture. Cause right now, we're pretty stocked up.

It's never too early to shop for my birthday.

I just realized- only seven weeks until my birthday! Aren't you glad I have a wishlist?

plane, plane, plane, car, lake

This Thursday we leave for a five day weekend in Cooperstown, New York (which I wrote about last year). Of course two of those five days will be spent traveling. On Thursday we have to be at the airport by dawn to fly to Houston, change planes, fly to Boston, change planes, then finally arrive in Albany at 4pm EST. Ugh. But anyway, aside from all that crap, I do plan to go mini golf it at the Barnyard Swing, still advertising itself as Cooperstown's newest attraction. For some reason, we didn't make it last year, so this year it is a must. I'm also being harassed by the mom into hitting some random yarn shop. Why? Who knows what textile hoarders are thinking?

But the highlight of the whole trip? The ready availability of Archway Dutch Cocoa cookies! We have Archway's cookies at stores in Austin, but no Dutch Cocoa. I swear, I've scoured the city! So I may buy them in bulk and try to smuggle them back from New York. Shhh!

Best. Show. Ever.

Joss loves Veronica! Of course I've been babbling about "Veronica Mars" for months. But Joss Whedon? The creator of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Angel", and "Firefly"? The man knows good TV. So watch already, geez.

"I knew we should have gone to Six Flags instead."

Families Suing City of Dallas Over Gorilla Escape
Okay, I can kinda feel their pain. A gorilla bite can't be pleasant. But long-lasting emotional trauma? Seriously? Like they're afraid to leave the house now because there's always the fear that a western lowland gorilla might jump out and bite them? They've had to join a therapy group for survivors of zoo mishaps? Are they having to take anti-anxiety medication just so they can watch Animal Planet? Okay, maybe I don't feel their pain.

I am an exacting perfectionist.

Below is my free sample horoscope from iVillage. For only $4.95 extra, they could have gone on for multiple paragraphs on these vague themes. I'm curious if everyone gets the same profile no matter what birthdate, birth place, and birth time they enter? Give it a shot and let me know?

Section 1: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation
Harmony and balance are your keynotes. You instinctively understand the need to accommodate other peoples' interests and desires, and you are always fair and willing to meet the other person half way. Tactful, diplomatic, and with considerable social awareness, you do all you can to avoid conflict and discord. You express a spirit of cooperation and compromise and often achieve through charm and discretion what would have been impossible to achieve by a direct, forceful approach.

Section 2: Mental Interests and Abilities
You are an exacting perfectionist with a clear, logical, analytical mind and an aptitude for work that requires meticulous attention to detail and efficient organization. Well-grounded and pragmatic, you tend to develop specialized skills and technical expertise in some practical field. Knowledge, ideas, and theories don't really interest you unless they are useful in a tangible way. You are inclined to analyze, measure, and dissect everything and to miss nuances, subtle shades of feeling and meaning. Your strengths are in your precise thinking, careful craftsmanship, and mastery of technical skills. You tend to be very good at what you do and critical of others' work if it does not meet your high standards.

plagiarized

Some 13 year-old girl in Washington ganked several of my entries and posted them on her blog-with minor edits, and you know, less punctuation, capitalization, and correct spelling. Here, here, and oh, here. Should I be flattered or offended? Am I now providing memes to the tweens and didn't even know it? Crap, now I just granted her profile request "oh ya tell your friends bout this site ASAP:) ".

Updated 8/15/05 to add: The child has changed her blog URL twice now in an effort to hide. She also deleted most of the entries she copied, which was actually a smart choice on her part. She must have had help coming up with the idea. Her blog has now moved to here. Oh, and I'm a slut! Who knew? My husband was somewhat surprised to hear this. And since she's changing her URL at the rate of four a day, here's the entry devoted to me:

"Don't go here
if i were you i would not go to queenkandis.blogspot.com
because she is a slut and she doesn't think straight and she thinks i have been
stealing her posts so really people do NOT go there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't really approve of people eating fruit in my presence.

Agent 28 at your service.

My current job is the longest I've ever worked in one place, not counting summer camp. I've worked at this company since we were less than a hundred people on one floor of our office building. We now have nearly 230 people, and occupy two floors of our building. The entire time I've had a name plaque on my cube wall, with a little plaque under it that now says 'Two Years of Service' (it'll be three years next month). And today, the new upstairs secretary came around and taped numbers to all of our cubes. After three years of service, I'm now "28". Awesome. I always wanted to be just a number.

Heard any good jokes lately?

I am dying to see The Aristocrats! The movie is one historically secret dirty joke told over and over again by about 100 of the best comedians around. However, the movie (now open in LA and New York) doesn't come to Austin until August 26th. It could be worse, we could be Vermont, which gets the movie in October. What's up with that? Is there only one copy of the film that is just being passed around the country via Pony Express?

My Old Man

Today is Rob's 30th birthday. Tonight he gets to pick the restaurant for his birthday dinner, gets Strawberry Shortcake for dessert (his request), and will get to open his birthday presents. Which he'd better like. (He's hard to shop for because he doesn't have a four page Amazon wishlist, like some people...) This weekend he gets a small birthday party with some family and friends, complete with BBQ, cake, and the beer of his choice. Spoiled kid.

This morning, he left to catch the bus to work wearing jeans and a baseball cap. It must not be too awful to be 30.

Things I Just Don’t Understand:

1. Algebra
   
2. Any of the current dance themed reality shows
   
3. The appeal of Mischa Barton
   
4. The $2 bill
   
5. What we did so horribly wrong to deserve Paris Hilton
   
6. How cold sores know the perfect inopportune moment to appear
   
7. Mary-Kate Olsen’s bag lady fashion style
   
8. Wasabi flavored chips
   
9. Clay Aiken
   
10. Twinkies (there's no chocolate, so what's the point?)

100 Things About Me

1. I was born in Bremerton Washington, but we moved when I was two years old, so I remember nothing about it.


2. I once broke my left foot by falling down three steps.


3. Daisies are my favorite flower, followed closely by tulips.


4. I wanted to play the cello in middle school, but joined the choir instead.


5. I am a terrible singer.


6. I love karaoke.


7. I consider Hole’s Live Through This to be one of the greatest rock albums of all time.


8. I don’t believe in astrology, but I am the definition of a Libra.


9. I wanted to be a broadcast journalist from the sixth grade until sophomore year of college.


10. I have half of a degree in Anthropology with a minor in mass communications.


11. I spent nearly four years at Southwest Texas State University, but I’m barely a junior.


12. I have six tattoos. And there is no end in sight.


13. Pink is my signature color.


14. I am frequently barefoot.


15. I went to summer camp for 14 years from age 6 to age 20.


16. Some of my favorite authors are: Diana Gabaldon, Nora Roberts, Maya Angelou, and Larry McMurtry.


17. My birthstone is the opal. Don't buy me one.


18. I hate dark wood furniture.


19. I was the president of my high school drama club, the Golden Myth Players.


20. Scotland is the country I most want to visit.


21. I am excellent at games that require lots of useless pop culture knowledge.


22. I own a karaoke machine I’ve never used.


23. I once won $70 in a casino in Atlantic City. I quit while I was ahead.


24. The place I got married at, used to feature a swimming pig named Ralph as its main attraction.


25. I am obsessed with "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Seriously, ask me anything.


26. I don’t know how to program my VCR.


27. I like dragonflies and have received an absurd number of dragonfly themed gifts.


28. I own over 20 pairs of flip flops.


29. Baking homemade chocolate chip cookies is my only talent.


30. I’m a notorious plant killer.


31. In college, I frequently stayed up all night chatting online.


32. I’ve had the chicken pox twice.


33. When I was nine-years-old, I received a horse for Christmas.


34. I’m afraid of horses.


35. I once fainted on a horse.


36. I’m a graduate of Lanier High School in Austin, Texas. Class of 1996.


37. I went to eleven schools from kindergarten to 12th grade.


38. I was raised Unitarian and still consider myself to be one.


39. I’m a television addict.


40. Not only do I watch a lot of TV, I read about TV shows and blog about TV shows.


41. In the first election I was able to vote, I voted for Bill Clinton.


42. I frequently read the same book over and over again. Including Lonesome Dove and The Stand, both over 900 pages.


43. I am unable to sleep without a night light.


44. I don’t know my weight because I refuse to weigh myself or look at the scale at the doctor’s office.


45. The Dixie Chicks are my favorite band.


46. My favorite video game is Oregon Trail.


47. Cheese fries from Outback Steakhouse and pepperoni rolls from Double Dave’s are two of my favorite foods on the planet.


48. I have two siblings: a brother that's three years older (Jason Robnett, where have you disappeared to?) and a sister that's 23 years younger.


49. The first concert I ever went to was Grateful Dead in 1985. I don’t remember if I wore tie dye.


50. I appeared in seven plays in high school.


51. I love tanning salons.


52. I was a latchkey kid.


53. I was incapable of getting to school on time, and now I am incapable of getting to work on time.


54. I’ve seen John Prine in concert seven times.


55. The Immaculate Collection is my favorite Madonna album.


56. I have Dave Grohl’s autograph.


57. I love movies, but I never see movies without reading the reviews first.


58. I love being in charge.


59. 10 Things I Hate About You is one of my favorite movies and I watch it every time it comes on TV, even though I own it on DVD.


60. I never leave home without makeup on, even if I’m just going swimming.


61. I collect shot glasses.


62. I was voted Class Whiner by my senior class in high school.


63. I don’t believe in the Atkins Diet. We’re supposed to eat grains. Trust me, I have half of an Anthropology degree.


64. I’ve never been further west than Texas (except for the two years in Bremerton I don’t remember).


65. If left alone, I can sleep at least ten hours a night.


66. I am incapable of understanding algebra, and don’t care to.


67. Concerts I’ve seen: Grateful Dead, John Prine, Shug Mauldin, New Kids on the Block (twice!), Reba McEntire, Tool, Cracker, Nine Inch Nails, Hole, Aerosmith, Foo Fighters, Barenaked Ladies, Dixie Chicks, Todd Snider (twice!), Dolly Parton, and once crashed the gates to see Smashing Pumpkins do their encore (thanks Jimmy!)


68. I want a new green Volkswagen beetle with a sunroof so bad that I can’t stand it.


69. I’m addicted to shopping online.


70. I love Impressionist art and Auguste Renoir is my favorite artist.


71. I met my husband online in a WBS chat room that no longer exists.


72. In elementary, middle school, and high school, teachers frequently moved me away from my friends for talking too much.


73. I own Heathers, a red scrunchie, and a Swatch watch.


74. My son Cooper was born on April 17, 2007. Cutest. Kid. Ever.


75. Mexico is the only country I’ve been to outside the U.S.


76. I love the J. Peterman catalogue.


77. I’ve been to many midnight theater showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show.


78. I can’t dance, and you shouldn’t ask me to.


79. If I had a million dollars, I would do nothing.


80. I wish I didn’t hate exercise.


81. I don’t drink coffee for breakfast, I drink Dr. Pepper. I picked up this habit from my mother.


82. The smell of oranges makes me nauseous and always has.


83. I got my ear pierced at an Aerosmith concert on my 17th birthday.


84. I love puppies, but don't actually want to raise one.


85. For my P.E. credit in high school, I took bowling by correspondence.


86. I love carnivals, but not roller coasters.


87. I was raised by a single mom.


88. It’s really important to me to be as fair and non-judgmental as possible


89. If you drive a Hummer, I think you're a dumbass.


90. I love baseball movies, but not baseball.


91. I wish I had the body that I had when I was 17. Who doesn’t?


92. My birthday depresses me because it never lives up to my expectations.


93. I’ve known almost all of my current friends since college or longer.


94. I don’t know my blood type


95. No one else thinks I’m as funny as I do.


96. I have one cat: Moe. He's a de-clawed indoor cat. He doesn't seem to hate us for that.


97. I miss the "X-Files".


98. I love Little Debbie Zebra Cakes. Got any?


99. I don’t know my IQ, but I like to pretend that it’s really high.


100. I am apparently very self absorbed.

Updated 12/01/11

I am a LiveJournal deserter.

Who doesn't want to be taken seriously? And sadly, I am no longer a teenybopper who writes really bad poetry about the president of the high school drama club. In other words, I just don't fit in. So I'm moving my kingdom (and possibly my archives at a later date) to Blogger.
Currently previous post archives can be accessed at I Can Kick Your Ass at Trivial Pursuit (LiveJournal version).

Stodgy Idiots - TV Edition

Dear crack smoking Emmy members-

What is your damage?

15 nominations for "Desperate Housewives" but only 11 for "Deadwood"?

Three "Housewives" nominated for best actress but no women from "Deadwood"?

And "Medium" isn't bad at all, but Patricia Arquette? For best dramatic actress? Really? She's no Calamity Jane.

And The "The West Wing"? C'mon! That show hasn't been good since Sam and Sorkin left. Sure it has the best cast this side of 1877, but the writers are killing them.

"Everybody Loves Raymond"? Why must you beat dead horses with gold statues?

And to top it off, you completely snub "Gilmore girls", "Nip/Tuck", and "Veronica Mars", three of the best shows on television.

I think I hate you.

Sincerely-

Kandis

Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been "missing" it, Bob.

Survey finds average U.S. worker spends two hours a day surfing the Web, running errands or staring into space.

Office Space has been out since 1994 and they're just now figuring this out?

It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation?

By the way, I disagree with the results of that survery (as I write this from work).

7/11

Happy Birthday to the slurpee! Free slurpees for one and all.

Our new red sofa was delivered over the weekend. Pictures to come. We hung new bathroom fixtures in our upstairs guest bath, re-arranged our bedroom and our hanging pictures. AND I made dinner twice in one weekend, which is like, unheard of. Oh, and we forgot Brian's birthday, cause we suck. I'm tired.

Edited to add:

"Hi. My name is Jin and I'm a net addict. It's been 23 days since my last chat."

Where was this clinic when I was a chat addicted college student? I might have actually graduated if I'd gotten some electric shock therapy.

Bejing Cinic Administers to Online Addicts

Speaking of unbalanced...

From E! Online:

Tom Cruise telling Today host Matt Lauer during a Friday interview that Brooke Shields "doesn't understand" the history of psychiatry and that there is no such thing as a "chemical unbalance." The actor also expressed his belief that "vitamins and exercise" can cure most problems.

Would someone please unleash a bipolar homicidal maniac on him already? Crazy Cruise could ply him with some One-a-Days and see how that goes?

Pimp My House?

Today when Rob was trying to lower the garage door, it came off it's tracks. And then when he tried to muscle it back on the tracks, the door itself started to break apart. So we paid $150 for a guy to come over, give us an estimate, tell us our door and it's pre-1991 automatic opener are basically dangerous and worthless. At least he secured the door for the night (although several of the panels are hanging askew). Tomorrow we get to pay him a small fortune to replace the entire door and it's assorted tracks and springs and such. We then won't be able to afford a new garage door opener for a while. As it is we really can't even afford to add the optional four windows to the door, but we're doing it anyway. It looks so bland without them.

And don't even getting me started on our fence...

Home ownership sucks.

There's a chick in my office who will not stop laughing at her desk. Apparently she never got the memo about how when you're IMing instead of working, you should try to be discreet.

Pssst

This is the most moving thing I've seen recently. Got a secret? I wish I was this artistic. Or you know, had a secret.

Crazy Cruise must be stopped. Free Katie!

Animal Farm

This Barn Swallow has made herself at home on our front porch.

I made Rob stand on the step ladder to find out what she's got in there. Looks like sometime soon, we'll have five other Barn Swallows on our front porch.

And this is Millie. She's a two year old chocolate lab who joined our family last weekend. We got her from one of my coworkers who has two kids and two dogs and didn't feel like she had the time to spend with all of them. Millie is very eager to please and loves people. She follows Rob around all day long.

And the birthday countdown begins.

I am now in possession of four center orchestra seats for the John Prine concert at the Majestic Theatre in Dallas on September 24th (one week before my birthday)!

Guess that means we won't be going to ACL Fest since it's the same weekend. ACL Fest would be fun, but the Majestic is air conditioned. Not a tough choice for September in Texas. Only four months away!

Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic!

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Dagger of Patience.

Get yours.

Dude. That is messed up.

Just like the Lost finale last night, this 124 lb. blue catfish is freaking me out.

Have some pride Aileen Wuornos.

The following is an IM conversation we had at work while eavesdropping on our new trainwreck of an employee who we've uncharitably dubbed Aileen Wuornos. The woman spends half of her day making personal phone calls, and she's so indiscrete about it that all of us around her now know way more than we'd prefer to about her life, her deadbeat ex who has custody of her kids but lives with his mom, her court dates, police reports, the fact that she has nowhere to live, no car, and unpaid utilities. Every day she gives me more to add to my ongoing list of the Top 100 Things I Wouldn't Want My Co-workers to Know About Me. And yeah, we're mean.

Scott says:
what is the point of this conversation?

Kandis says:
I'm loving her description "it still hadn't showed up"

Scott says:
yeah

Kandis says:
the point is blaming the city transit system for an entire day of missed work because her life is such a mess she has no car

Scott says:
this is tragic

Scott says:
lol

Kandis says:
I can't believe she is spending THIS long on the phone with Capitol Metro

Kandis says:
don't they have work to do too?

Scott says:
this is going around in circles!

Scott says:
no kidding!

Scott says:
this is hilarious

Scott says:
isn't there a question on the application about reliable transportation?

Scott says:
is taking the bus to B.F.E. reliable?

Kandis says:
I don't know if there is a question

Kandis says:
they can't discriminate against white trash Americans

Scott says:
lol

Scott says:
is she getting documentation that the bus didn't show?

Kandis says:
yep

Kandis says:
as if that will excuse her

Scott says:
oh man

Scott says:
if it's not one thing, it's another

Kandis says:
her whole life is a mess

Scott says:
yep

Scott says:
except she has this bitchin' job

Kandis says:
which she might keep if she ever learns to stay off the phone

Scott says:
hahaha

Scott says:
of course, she doesn't have a cel

Kandis says:
dude, she barely has a sofa to sleep on and shoes on her feet

Yes I Guess They Oughta Name a Drink After You

Holy crap! John Prine is coming to ACL Fest! Can I just tell you how beyond thrilled I am? So far they've just released the artist lineup and have three day passes on sale. But last time Rob and I went to ACL Fest (2003) we didn't even make it through an entire day, therefore, three days is out of the question. So they need to hurry, hurry, hurry and release the schedule and the one day passes. Who else wants to go?

I've already used up all but one of my sick days. I'm also kinda broke until Friday. And, I know for a fact that if I came face to face with Bill Clinton, I would cry like a basketcase. But if all of those things weren't true, I'd be at Book People on Thursday. Anyone who wants to be my new best friend can feel free to pick up a signed copy for my birthday (which is only five months away.)

President William Jefferson Clinton will be signing his memoir, MY LIFE at BookPeople, Publisher Weekly’s Bookseller of the Year, on Thursday May 5, starting at 10 am.

so, so busy- here's why

Things I'm obsessed with and won't shut-up about:

• "Deadwood"
• "Lost"
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (the hell?)
• "Veronica Mars" (3 episodes until we know who murdered Lilly!)
• My hair
• Teeth whitening products (my braces came off! I have straight teeth!)
• Dogs
• "Gilmore Girls"
• Home décor (and yes, we still love our new house)
• How much every 'Apprentice' contestant sucks
• "I Want a Famous Face" on MTV

Things I'm so damned tired of hearing about:

• Paris Hilton
• Lindsey Lohan
• Norah Jones
• The demise of Nick and Jessica
• That damn mystery island on "Days of Our Lives"
• Chihuahuas
• Trilogy work orders (don’t ask)
• No carb/low carb (for God’s sake people, it’s just bread)

If I had $160 to blow on anything? I would buy a pink and black tankini with coordinating board shorts from Eddie Bauer. Cause I am just that shallow.

Tell me what you don't like about yourself Chris Gaines.

Team-

I have to start that way, because that's how I start every email at work these days, and it's a crazy tough habit to break. I've been thinking in the last week that I miss Garth Brooks. Yeah, I said it. I am a Garth Brooks fan. I celebrate his entire catalogue. And I just wish he still made music.

And on the subject of people who've dropped off the face of the Earth, Julie Warner should really get more work. She was fantastic on Nip/Tuck. Luckily she didn't have to share much screen time with Julian McMahon, because he's so pretty that no one would have noticed she was in the scene too. But she was seriously very good. Rocket Man will never be the same.

The Liberal Agenda, One Year Later

Happy Birthday Air America! Now kick Randi Rhodes to the curb and you'll be golden.

Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore

Dear America,

There's just something about your Chevy Avalanches, your Tahoes, your Ford F-150s and God forbid, your Hummers. There's something about the great big hulking size of them that just says you don't give a shit about your fellow man. Something about the way they dwarf my four door sedan, the way they spill out of your compact parking space, preventing me from even opening my door. The way they completely obstruct all visibility when we're both pulling out of the same parking lot. There's something about the careless way your vehicle with it's flag decal barrels down the highway at 14 miles per gallon, while the ozone melts away and we fight wars over oil. And the way you pilot that urban assault vehicle while talking on your cell phone and watching a DVD with such impressive disregard for the safety of others? Well, it speaks volumes about your character. Your vehicle says a lot about you America. Don't let yours say that you're an asshole.

Love,

Kandis

If I put a sofa on my wishlist, would anybody buy it?

The appraisal went well! So everything seems to be on track for closing on March 11th (which is when Rob's parents will be down for a visit). And I think the house actually has NINE closets! But I've only seen the inside twice, so it's hard to remember for sure. I don't know how I'm going to be able to wait until March 18th to move. I'm dying to explore the house at my leisure, without a realtor following us around in case we have questions. We have a super nice realtor, but I still want to wander around the house without having to worry about inconveniencing anyone. And there's a whole list of stuff I'm wanting to buy to make the house perfect: refrigerator, queen mattress, new bed frame for queen mattress, new nightstands, table lamps, console table, microwave cart, pots and pans, and one day, a red sofa. Yeah, I said red. What's it to you? But of course all that stuff costs a lot of money, so we'll buy little pieces here and there. I can't wait!

get your kumbyayas out

Last Saturday night, Rob and I went to a midnight showing of the Buffy episode "Once More with Feeling", which proceeded a showing of the much less exciting episode, "The Zeppo" at the Alamo Drafthouse downtown. The show was billed as a sing-a-long and all of the songs in the episode were subtitled (as if we didn't all have them memorized?), so sure enough we all sang along, blew bubbles, threw underwear, yelled at the screen, watched a dancing bunny, and held hands and swayed. And yes, it sounds very Rocky Horror-esque. And having spent my fair share of time doing the Time Warp, I can tell you it was different. And it was so great to be in a sold out theater, drinking beer, and singing with 200 people who are possibly more Buffy obsessed than I am. The Alamo plans to hold the event again, but Rob has already put in an obligatory appearance, so... anyone else up for it?

We're hoping to hear how our house appraisal went by tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that it appraises for the amount of our loan, otherwise, bye-bye awesome house.

Where have you gone Rob Lowe?

Remember when "The West Wing" was good? Really good? Remember when it could make you tear up at Sam's shear idealism? Remember when the President cursed God in Latin for taking Mrs. Landingham and nearly made the walls of the Washington National Cathedral come tumbling down? And when Charlie received a Thanksgiving carving knife? Remember when Toby didn't know that babies came with hats? And when Ainsley Hayes could be brought to tears by HMS Pinafore? Remember when the streets of Heaven were crowded with too many angels? Now the show couldn't be any more boring. The writing is flat and lacking in cleverness, and nothing seems to happen anymore. They've all lost that great sense of wonderment and duty and purpose that made the first years so special. It's just so frustrating. Can somebody just wake me up when Josh and Donna finally get it on?

ode to a closet...

After some haggling, our offer was accepted. We close on our house March 11! And yes, they made us their bitches. Now we just have to get all the documents together for our lender, pay for a survey and appraisal, and pray that the house appraises for what we're paying for it. Then Rob's parents are coming to visit in the midst of closing and our chaotic packing, so they won't be seeing our apartment at it's best. But they will get to see our four bedroom, eight closet (I'm in love with the closets) house before we pack it with furniture and assorted stuff with dragonflies on it. Yay!

back off

The account I'm on at work took 87 inbound phone calls before 5pm yesterday, and 22 of them were taken by me. And then, after a day like that, I go home and zombie out in front of the television. (Lost rocks!) Is it any wonder why I haven't blogged?

Rob and I put in an offer on a four bedroom house in North Austin on Saturday. It has high ceilings and pergo flooring in the living room and EIGHT closets. We want it so bad that we can't stand it, but the seller (it's owned by a family trust based in San Diego. The hell? Yeah, we know.) is in Africa until Saturday. Which gives everyone in town plenty of time to outbid us on our house. It's agonizing to wait and not know. We went to look at the house a second time last night with the realtor and measured rooms. Three bathrooms! New counters! Fireplace! I have no idea how we will handle it if we can't have that house.

We're going to South Carolina and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and ...the DNC!

"As I have traveled across our country, I have talked to thousands of people who are working for change in their own communities about the power of politics to make a difference in their own lives and in the lives of others. Every group I have spoken to, I encouraged them to stand up for what they believe and to get involved in the electoral process -- because the only sure way to make difference is to step up and run for office yourself.

Today, I'm announcing my candidacy for the Chairmanship of the Democratic National Committee."

-Howard Dean, M.D.

embrace it

From Slate:

Fat may be a worldwide phenomenon—and increasingly so—but not everyone is neurotic about it, or they're not neurotic in the same way. Take the chapter by anthropologist Rebecca Popenoe (from: Fat: The Anthropology of an Obsession), based on her fieldwork among desert Arabs in Niger. This is a society with no media influences or beauty industries, where women strive to be as fat as possible. Girls are force-fed to achieve this ideal; stretch marks are regarded as beautiful.

Awesome! In Niger, I am stunning.

Me, me, me

Haven't posted in a while, took a week off for Christmas, been super busy at work and I don't know... not in the mood? So here's some fluff.

Three Names You Go By: Kandis, Kandi, Ally and Canned-Ice. And yeah, I can count to three, I just chose not to.

Three Screennames You Have: Queen Kandis, secula_seculorum, Miss World

Three Things You Like About Yourself: I’m so damned smart. I make great chocolate chip cookies. And I’m super modest.

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: It’s possible that I whine a smidge too much. I could maybe not talk quite so much during movies or TV shows. And maybe I should think of a third thing that isn’t that great about me?

Three Parts of Your Heritage: Dude. My family has been in Texas for over five generations. We can’t remember where we came from. We’re European-American mutts like everyone else.

Three Things That Scare You: Pod-like things, apartment fires, and Dubya.

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: Email, checking all of the usual blogs I read, and makeup.

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: Baby blue hooded sweater, jeans, brown Doc Marten maryjanes. Don’t judge, it’s cold out.

Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): Barenaked Ladies (Barenaked for the Holidays rocks), Dixie Chicks, and Loretta Lynn (I got Van Lear Rose for Christmas).

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: Hard Candy Christmas (shut up), the Carole King theme from Gilmore Girls (since I watch it every day), and that’s all I can think of. I guess I’m not much of a music person.

Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: Buying a house, keeping a plant alive, and I’m still in pursuit of professional photographs of Rob and I that I actually like. (Guess I’ll have to wait for my braces to come off in May for that one.)

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): Trust, common idea of fun, presents.

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex That Appeal to You: Tallness, tennis ball head, giant feet.

Three Things You Just Can't Do: Exercise, juggle, speak French.

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: Reading, watching and critiquing TV, online shopping.

Three Things You Want to Do Really Badly Right Now: Buy a house, be magically slim, beat someone about the head if the work ice machine doesn’t get fixed TODAY.

Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation: Scotland, Hawaii, Las Vegas. I’m sure I’ll get over the Vegas thing once I’ve seen it.

Three Kids' Names: Jennyfivetina, Abraham and Buffy

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: See all of Europe, build my dream home, finish my degree.

Ganked from: Life at the Center of the Universe

tardiness

Okay, so yesterday was De-Lurking Day and as usual I'm late. I have no idea if there are any blurkers around these parts, because I have no clue how to read my site stats, or if livejournal even tracks that kind of stuff (which is I guess why I'm a livejournaler and not a Movable Type-head). More work for Six Apart.

So anyway, if you stumble over here, a comment would be cool.

the bossiest reindeer of all

I've wrapped presents, made cookies, played Christmas carols, and now I'm going to go curl up and enjoy our fire. Hey you! Yeah, you, dumbass. Get off the computer and go enjoy Christmas!

true story

The Real World To Be Taped In Austin

Dec 22, 2004 5:07 pm US/Central
The MTV series that ushered in reality television will land in Austin next month -- for the 16th edition of "The Real World". The 24 episodes will air starting in June. The show brings together seven strangers between the ages of 18 and 24 to live in a swank loft or house and films them around the clock, at home and on the town. Past locations include Los Angeles, Chicago and Paris. Mayor Will Wynn says Austin is the smallest city to host a "Real World" cast. The site in Austin wasn't disclosed. "The Real World" has been a hit since its 1992 debut season, which was set in New York City. It's M-T-V's longest-running series. Murray would not say where the house is either, but did say, "They will have very cool digs."

If I haven't returned your call...

Shows that I am watching with a crazy person’s fervor:
Lost
Gilmore Girls
One Tree Hill
The Apprentice 2
Significant Others
And yes I will totally watch a Buffy rerun I've seen a million times, any time it's on.

Shows that I keep watching for unknown reasons:
ER
Days of Our Lives
Real World: Philadelphia
Wife Swap/Trading Spouses (these are essentially the same show)
West Wing
NYPD Blue

Shows that have me counting the days until their return:
Nip/Tuck
Deadwood
Carnivale (Jan. 9! Woohoo!)
Newlyweds

update

Last weekend was my work holiday party at the new downtown Austin Hilton. The place was nice and we got a discounted room rate for the night. The party itself was pleasant enough. It's weird to be sociable with coworkers outside of work. It takes lots of alcohol to make it go smoothly. My company provided us with dinner, a cover band, dancing, and two free drink tickets each. Once we ran out of drink tickets, a Bud Light cost $4.25. Ouch. We had planned for months to go out to Sixth Street after the party since we already had parking space and a room so it was extra convenient. But I had a cold and my meds wore off and I was ready to pass out. We got up early the next morning due to the pleasant sound of jack hammers outside the hotel window at the building site next door. So we got up, checked out, and went out for breakfast- which I always want to do but am usually too lazy to bother on the weekends. Then we went home and went back to sleep. Nobody parties like us.

I have gotten the tiniest amount of Christmas shopping done. I've gotten half of Rob's presents, his mom's, his brother's, his grandmother's and that's it. I haven't gotten anything for my family yet, and haven't a clue what to get for my sister. Her birthday party is this weekend. She's four! And impossible to shop for, cause I swear she has everything.

The Armadillo Christmas Bazaar starts this weekend. Hurray! Last year we went on the last night, Christmas Eve, which was a mistake because some of the booths were already closed and packed up, and I'd already finished all my shopping by that point. The Bazaar is one of my favorite Christmas things. All sorts of really talented artists and craftsmen have booths set up with all kinds of great things to buy from handmade gemstone jewelry, prints, vintage concert posters, handmade hammocks and soaps and nightlights... All sorts of crazy stuff, as well as live music every night and food and drinks for sale. The weekends can get kinda crazy though, so I think this year we're going to try for a week night.

Oh, and before I forget, what is up with Lindsay Lohan getting an album deal? For real. I saw her video on MTV yesterday, and once I got over the shock of MTV playing a music video, I had to cover my ears because that song is rank. And it's painfully obvious that they used all sorts of tricks in the studio to try to cover up the fact that she simply can't sing. So I told one of my coworkers today about the Lindsay album, and he was like "What next? Tara Reid?" But nope, it's worse. Paris Hilton. Stop, stop, stop hurting America girls.

When cell phones attack.

Super Size This

Greatest new invention: The Hardee's" Monster Thickburger! My favorite part? Apparently two patties, three slices of cheese, four slices of bacon and mayo weren't enough. The bun is buttered!

Now why don't we have a Hardee's in Texas dammit?

"They came untied."

A 59-year-old great-grandmother is pregnant with twins and will deliver next month, three decades after she had her tubes tied. "I started craving grapes and apples, things I don't usually crave. By then I was four months pregnant." The news was even more shocking considering Harris -- the mother of five, grandmother of 14 and great-grandmother of six -- had her tubes tied 33 years ago after the birth of her youngest child. She was divorced years ago from the twins' father, 60-year-old Raymond Harris, a heavy equipment operator. She said they will remarry before the birth.

Note to self: Do not get tubes tied in rural Georgia.

Leave Thanksgiving alone.

Yo America! I gotta tell you something. Are you listening? Seriously, this is important. Stop eating and drinking everything put in front of you. Your life is not an uninterrupted episode of Fear Factor.

I still blame Florida.

“For my safety, I know he’s the one who’s going to do the job,” retiree Rebecca Lesko said after voting for Bush in Linwood, N.J. “I think (Osama) bin Laden is scared of Bush. That’s why we haven’t been bombed yet.”

Well kids, it's all over. So what will it be? Toronto or Vancouver?

My mother was in a bank today when an armed robber came in and told everyone to get down on the floor. When the robber wasn't looking, she and several other people ran out of the bank and called the police. Now most people would consider this a frightening experience. You may hear people say "my life flashed before my eyes". But do you know what my mother says? "I wish I'd been close enough to take him down. He was skinny, I could have taken him."

Six Flags Quality

On October 9th, the fam and I went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas in San Antonio. While we were there Rob and I posed for pictures at the Old Time Photo shop. You know, one of those places where they have an assortment of period costumes and props and they’ll take a black and white picture of you for an exorbitant fee? So we posed and they took some pictures. While we were posing, the batteries died in both of the digital cameras belonging to the store. They were also fighting with their printer over a paper jam that occurred on the customer’s photo that was taken before us. The girls working the store then announced that they wouldn’t be able to take any more photos that evening, and asked us to come back in 30 minutes to pick up our photo. So we did, and of course our photo wasn’t ready, due to the previously mentioned paper jam (and yes my mom asked if they had tried resetting the computer). So they offered to mail it to us. I paid for the picture (an 8x10) and provided our mailing address. Yesterday, the package arrives, from Ohio (wtf?). The envelope didn’t have “PHOTOS – PLEASE DO NOT BEND” written anywhere on it, so of course it was bent. So after three weeks, we received two 5x7 photos of a pose we did not choose, complete with some bizarre white spot on both of them making them unsuitable for framing. Gee, thanks for the memories Fiesta Texas.

Kinda not surprising.

"You are Shannon. Stereotypical rich bitch, you prefer working on your tan to helping out the other survivors. You spent a year in France, but you drank more than you spoke with the natives. You eagerly await the arrival of the rescue boat so that you can be whisked back to civilization, where your frivolous pursuits await you. And you wouldn't mind getting away from your brother Boone, 'God's friggin' gift to humanity'."

Which "Lost" Character Are You? Brought to you by Quizilla.

Hoedown (Ho down?)

I cannot believe the Ashlee Simpson meltdown we just witnessed on SNL. Her audio tape started playing before she started "singing" and she just totally froze and walked off the stage. Awesome! And then, at the end of the show, during the wrap-up group hug, she blamed her band for playing the wrong song. Priceless.

Return of the Stepford Apprentice

Potential bestseller?

What It Takes: Speak Up, Step Up, Move Up: A Modern Woman's Guide to Success in Business by Amy Henry (otherwise known as How to Come In Third).

"It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery."

I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I'm still giggling about the bitchslap heard 'round the world.

Jon Stewart (to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala on Crossfire: "Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America."

Can you say worst "Gilmore Girls" ever? That made "One Tree Hill" look like some finely crafted drama. And what’s up with the obscure Manson Family references? Leslie Van Houten in the season finale and Tex Watson tonight. Did one of the Palladinos just finish that hot best seller of 1974, Helter Skelter?

When Trashy People Preach

I am endlessly entertained by the merciful Christian types who are forever twisting Bible passages to suit their needs and conveniently forgetting the ones that don't. There's one guy at work who's frequently changing his instant messenger screen name to something preachy and offensive (at the work place anyway). Yesterday it was: "strive to treat others better than you treat yourself". And today it's: "don't bring me your tired, your poor, your huddle (sic) masses." Doesn't the irony just kill? But luckily, considering he isn't the Statue of Liberty, I think he's safe from such occurrences.

What's up with the poncho hate?

Slate: Is That a Real Poncho? The hideous new trend afflicting America.

C'mon, you know you want to.

A - Age: 27

B - Band listening to right now: Smug and Smugger, otherwise known as my dueling coworkers

C - Crush: Dude, I’m married.

D - Dad's name: Who cares?

E - Easiest person to talk to: Nicole, especially since she’s out of the country and can’t roll her eyes at me from there.

F - Favorite band at the moment: Dixie Chicks

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears. I don’t eat worms, no matter how colorful.

H - Hometown: Austin, Texas

I - Instruments: Voice (nobody said it was a high quality, well tuned instrument)

K - Kids: Does Rob count?

L - Longest car ride ever: From San Marcos, Texas to Palermo, New Jersey. Have you ever noticed how wide Tennessee is??

M - Mom's name: Julia

N - Number of siblings: Two, that I know of.

P - Phobia[s]: I am fearless! Shutup, I so am.

Q - Favorite Quote: Today? “I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft.” -President George W. Bush

R - Reason to smile: flowers, Fall, and bread

S - Song you sang last: “Goodbye Earl” –Dixie Chicks

T - Time you wake up: 6:45am, 6:50am, 6:55am, 7:00am

U - Unknown fact about me: I am an open book! But sometimes, I hold the TV remote with my toes.

V - Vegetable you hate: Cabbage

W - Worst habit: Talking during TV shows and movies? Or the ritual kitten sacrifices? Probably the talking thing.

X - X-rays you've had: teeth, foot, back, stomach

Y - Yummy food: Double Dave’s Peproni Rolls…. And Salt Lick potato salad

Z - Zodiac sign: Libra

Swiped from where or when

Fall and Halloweenyness

Things I’m currently excited about:

-Potential cool weather

-Cute cold weather accessories

-Ponchos

-Macaroni and Gilmore Girls (Don’t judge! It’s Tuesday and I’m a creature of habit. Besides, Sebastian Bach singing the theme from The Greatest American Hero? There aren’t even words dude.)

-Wurstfest (November 6th baby!)

-My work holiday party at the Hilton (seriously)

-The hot new Australian guy on One Tree Hill

-Getting my braces off in seven months

-Halloween –even though we’re not dressing up or going anywhere

-Nora Roberts’ new novel: Northern Lights

-The sixth season of Buffy now out on DVD! (complete with the musical episode: “Once More With Feeling”)

-Pumpkin scented candles

-Pumpkin pie

-Halloween candy!

Spoiled and Dissed

You’re dying to know what I got for my birthday, aren’t you? Since I went on and on about how many shopping days were left, and my Amazon wishlist, etc. I got the X Files first season box set, and the Angel fourth season box set, and the Northern Exposure first season box set. Noticing a trend here? I also received The Lost Boys Collector’s Edition DVD, and two books: What Would Buffy Do? The Vampire Slayer as a Spiritual Guide and another book that I wanted so much that the title currently escapes me. I got a cute new pink corduroy purse, a glass train style makeup case from Sephora, a bottle of Ralph Lauren’s Romance perfume, and a cool scarf from Urban Outfitters. And my mom knitted me a great pink poncho that you can see here. Oh! And two beautiful bouquets, balloons, chocolates, a chocolate chip cookie cake, and a decorated cube at work. And yes, I know I’m the most spoiled girl ever. We went to Romeo’s on Barton Springs for dinner, and then out bowling at Showplace Lanes with a few friends. I’m struggling not to disown all the friends who totally dissed me on my birthday. And yeah, that will probably be the last usage of “dissed” ever on this blog.

Working just hard enough...

Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't? Don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, alright? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.