Book #41: Deadly Desire

The fourth book in Brenda Joyce’s Deadly Series, Deadly Desire is a little bit more mature, faster paced, and steamier than previous installments.

Francesca gets to meet the family of the man she loves, police commissioner Rick Bragg, as well as his estranged wife. Rick is now convinced he must give up his political aspirations and get a divorce so that he might marry Francesca. And Calder Hart, Rick’s charming, rich and single brother is starting to come between Francesca and Rick even more. Francesca is fighting her attraction to him, and Calder wishes to protect Francesca from the inevitable heartbreak of being in love with a married man.

There’s also a mystery to solve, in the form of a blackmailer who’s stalking Lucy Bragg, Rick and Calder’s sister, and heroine of one of my all time favorite Brenda Joyce novels, Fires of Paradise (terrible new cover art, Lucy is a flaming redhead!).

Book #40: Deadly Affairs

Deadly Affairs is the third installment in Brenda Joyce’s Deadly Series (also known as Francesca Cahill Romance Novels). This series is steadily getting more intense, though I’m still irritated by Francesca’s naiveté.

Francesca has been hired (for her sleuthing skills) by her first paying client, Lydia Stuart, to find out if Lydia’s husband is cheating. In the course of following him, Francesca literally stumbles on a body, and before they know it, they’re on the trail of a serial killer.

Francesca is still having her intense and steamy “friendship” with police commissioner Rick Bragg, the man she loves but can’t have because he’s married to some awful woman who lives in Europe. Novels set before divorce was so fashionable and easy to obtain makes for lots of angst.

And now Francesca also has to fend off the matchmaking attempts of her disapproving socialite mother, who wishes to match her up with none other than Calder Hart, Rick’s magnetic, womanizing, wealthy brother. This love triangle is heating up nicely.

Book #39: Charlie All Night

Charlie All Night (titles again, I know, right?) by Jennifer Crusie is my second chick lit novel in a week. I was on vacation, don't judge!

Radio producer Ally has just been replaced. Her radio star ex-boyfriend has replaced her with a younger and thinner model in his bed and on his show.

Charlie has been hired to helm the 2am show and since he's not really there to deejay, he's perfectly fine with having hardly any listeners. But since Ally has been assigned as his producer, he has to work extra hard to keep her from making him a star, and to keep his hands off of her.

This was a somewhat enjoyable beach type read (sadly, I was not actually at the beach). But I didn't find the relationship to be as complex or as enjoyable as the one in Crusie's Bet Me. But I believe Charlie All Night was originally published as a Harlequin. And yes, I'm totally judging.

Book #38: Bet Me

Jennifer Crusie's Bet Me is chick lit. As far as I can tell, that means it's a romance novel, but an extremely modern one where the heroine has a career and doesn't always want children.

Of course it started with a bet.

Min (short for Minerva) has just been dumped by her boyfriend David, who she wasn't even sure she liked very much, three weeks before her sister's wedding. Min is an actuary, and on the chubby side, so she's pretty sure she'll have to listen to her mother's recriminations when she shows up to the wedding dateless. When she overhears David the ex, make a bet that his friend Cal can't get Min into bed, Min decides maybe she can get some revenge, and a hot (if worthless) date to the wedding in one swoop.

Cal hardly ever turns away from a bet, but he's actually not sleazy enough to bet on getting a woman into bed. What he does bet on, is that he can get her to leave the bar with him. He figures he's at least that charming. But since Min is onto him, he actually won't get very far with his legendary charm.

Through a series of extremely odd coincidences, and maybe a little fate, and despite their psychotic exes, Min and Cal keep finding themselves together. Jennifer Crusie actually does a really good job of making you see why a guy like Cal might fall for a girl like Min. And he even talks her out of her perpetual dieting. (But seriously ladies, diet if you want to, but nobody and I mean nobody, wants to hear you whine about all the things you choose to deny yourself.) This was a funny and frothy good book.

The book post that never was.

"Town is fearfully dull, except for the frequent raids of the Servant Girl Annihilators, who make things lively in the dull hours of the night...."

-O. Henry

I tried to read A Twist at the End by Steven Saylor, I did try.

The subject matter is fascinating. It's set in Austin in 1885, when the entire city was living in terror of it's very own serial killer (three years before Jack the Ripper stalked London), the Servant Girl Annihilator. I've thought for a while that time and place would be a great setting for a novel, and then I found out someone had already written it. So I was somewhat psyched to read A Twist at the End, despite the mediocre Amazon reviews.

But it is a fat book. 576 pages. Although I don't object to a long book, I object to a boring book. And only a handful of pages into the first chapter, we meet the Exposition Fairy. For the non-TV or video game addicted: the Exposition Fairy is the character that helpfully explains to the audience whatever back-story is necessary to the scene that couldn't fit into the "Previously on..." This is almost always done as awkward conversation that doesn't at all resemble conversation heard in real life. I can deal with the Exposition Fairy on television shows (though voiceovers, like on "My So-Called Life" and "Veronica Mars" make for much better exposition- in case any TV producers are reading) I object to having them appear in the first chapter of a murderously long book. It just comes off as hacky.

That's a lot of annoyance to plow through. So instead of dreading it, and avoiding it, I just quit. 576 pages people. I'd rather read Twilight for the 59th time.

I may shelve this and come back to it later. If I ever run out of vampires romances.

Book #37: Vision in White

Vision in White is the first in a series about a group of friends who run their own wedding planning business. And it's Nora Roberts' heralded return to pure romance. No sadistic murders to solve and no paranormal evil to conquer with magic. Kind of a bummer.

So Mackensie is the photographer for Vows, the wedding business she started with her three childhood best friends. She has an insanely disfunctional relationship with her manipulative mother, and is ambivalent about her historically absent father. So as a result, Mac is one of those tedious women from chick lit books who's incapable of having a healthy adult relationship with the opposite sex, because she's too afraid of getting "hurt". To quote Rayanne Graff on My So-Called Life: "Anything causes a scar. Living causes a scar. My mother has a humongous scar from having me. Does that mean that I should have never been born?"

Enter Carter, a high school English teacher who's had a crush on Mac since they were teenagers. He's far too nice, and well adjusted for her. But he wants her anyway. The usual roadblocks get in the way, but guess how it ends?

Since this is the first in a series, it's a lucky thing that Mac's best friends and business partners are entertaining and likable women (they'll be the subjects of the subsequent novals). Though it's a little hard to buy her relationship-phobia when she's able to have such long and healthy relationships with her friends.

Oh, did you hear a little girl squealing?

That was me. There's just a little Twilight sequel movie coming out in 184 days. Not that I'm counting.

Book #36: Forbidden Nights with a Vampire

Forbidden Nights with a Vampire is book seven in the Love at Stake series. And yet again, I'm thankful this was available on Kindle so no one has to see me in public reading such ridiculously titled literature.

Vanda is originally from Poland, was made a vampire during World War II, still seems to be sufferring from some form of Post Traumatic Stress, and has serious anger issues. Vanda owns a vampire strip club in Hell's Kitchen and is in trouble with her coven master for multiple verbal and violent assaults against fellow vampires. They totally had it coming though.

Phil is daytime security for the "good vamps" of New York and volunteered to be Vanda's anger management sponsor. He's also a closet Werewolf. Why he doesn't want all the vampires to know this, I have no idea.

Vanda is revealed to be far too vulnerable, especially for someone who prances around in catsuits, with purple hair, and a whip tied around her waist. Phil gets to save Vanda, which is pretty much his reason for existing. Happily ever after of course, with only one "rascal" thrown in. At this point, I'm convinced that Kerrelyn Sparks is taunting me.

Book #35: Paper Towns

Paper Towns is the third John Green novel I've read, and my favorite so far. Although yet again, I spent the entire novel worrying that he'd kill someone off.

Quentin Jacobsen is in his final semester of high school and has spent nearly his entire life being in love with Margo Roth Spiegelman. Q (as his friends call him) and Margo were friends as small children, but she long ago traded him in for the popular clique and dating jocks. Yet for Q, and maybe even the entire school, while they all live their lives in black and white, Margo lives hers in color. The school is always abuzz with some rumor (that inevitably turns out to be true) about her crazed adventures.

A month before their high school graduation, Margo enlists Q for wild night to be her getaway driver while she exacts revenge against various friends and cheating boyfriends. And the next day, Margo vanishes. Q spends the next month trying to decipher all of the clues Margo seems to have left him, and plans to unravel the mystery and get the girl. Though on his quest, Q finds that he never really knew Margo at all.

As with previous John Green books, the main character's friends are hilarious and far more practical than the hero is. And the object of affection is fascinating and complex. I didn't care for Margo as much as Q does. But I do remember what it's like to be in high school and to be completely wrapped up in someone who seems to be so bold and colorful.

Edited to add: I was especially entertained by the fact that at the same age Q and his friends spend hours talking about Walt Whitman, my friends and I were trying to decipher Nirvana lyrics.

my Overrated List

1. lifestyle changes
2. Al Pacino
3. irony
4. sushi

via Shapely Prose and Overrated List

Can't. Wait.

"True Blood", June 14!

29 days! (Not that I'm counting.)

Book #34: Dead and Gone

Dead and Gone is the ninth Southern Vampire Mysteries/Sookie Stackhouse book. And you would not believe how freakin' excited I was for this book to come out.

Sookie Stackhouse, small town Louisiana barmaid and unwilling telepath, leads a pretty exciting life. The vampires have been out in the open for a while, and the other supernaturals (werewolves, shape-shifters, fairies etc) she's known about for some time are making their presence known to the rest of the world. Plus she has two super hot vampires vying for her affections.

As far as this series goes, this volume seemed pretty epic. The pace was breakneck (which is saying a lot for a Southern author) and I could barely stand to put it down to go to work and to sleep. To avoid spoilers, I won't even get into her love life, but... Yum.

There are no more Sookie Stackhouse books being published this year, and I'm struggling to deal with that. However, HBO's "True Blood" (based on the series) comes back for a second season on June 14!

Book #33: Deadly Pleasure

The second novel in the Francesca Cahill Romance Novels, (still hate that name) Deadly Pleasure, takes place only a day after the first novel ends. Which is kind of an interesting concept for a series. Most of the series I read, the subsequent novels take place weeks, and sometimes months after the previous ones. And sometimes events are referenced that took place in that time in between novels. Which always makes me wonder what my favorite characters are up to when they're not being written about.

I find myself having a hard time liking Francesca Cahill. There's nothing really bad about her. I just find her obnoxiously naive. Which is probably a perfectly accurate trait for a well-bred young lady in 1902, but is an impractical trait for a "sleuth" as Francesca brands herself.

In my opinion, Brenda Joyce's male characters tend to be more compelling than her females. So the two men Francesca finds herself caught between, New York Police Commissioner Rick Bragg and his womanizing millionaire half-brother Calder Hart are interesting enough to keep me reading.

Book #32: A Secret Rage

A Secret Rage by Charlaine Harris is one of her few stand-alone novels. (The new Sookie Stackhouse book comes out May 5!) I find myself having a harder time connecting with her characters that are not in a series.

Nickie Callahan is a former model who’s returning to her Southern roots, and leaving New York City to move in with her best friend to go back to college in Tennessee. A lot of this book is about what it’s like to come back to the South after having been away for a long time. Part of you loves to be home, to see the familiar plants and trees growing, hear the familiar accents, but part of you is appalled at how much it hasn’t changed, and how small minded the rural South can be.

Upon moving back to Tennessee, Nickie hears about the recent rape that occurred on the college campus that she’ll be attending. Before she knows it, there are more and more victims, herself included. But Nickie decides that she doesn’t just feel victimized, and scared, she also feels enraged. She joins up with one of the other victims and they start making lists of all of the men they both know (both of them convinced the attacker knew them) and they begin investigating on their own.

Nickie slowly begins to get her life back, and embarks on a new romance, but she knows she’ll never be the same person she was. The ending was realistic, but somewhat unsatisfying. I guess I don’t like too much reality intruding in my stories.

Book #31: Immortal in Death

Okay, final re-read for a while (I’ve been waiting for the second Francesca Cahill novel to arrive. Damn thing wasn’t available on Kindle). Immortal in Death is the third Nora Roberts In Death book.

Lieutenant Eve Dallas of the NYPD would rather face armed drug addicts than go shopping for a wedding dress. Lucky for her, she gets plenty of brutal killings to investigate (including having her best friend as a suspect), but still ends up having to get married.

I like how realistically gritty New York City is in 2058. Guns have been outlawed, prostitution has been legalized, but there still manages to be amazing amounts of crime. I’m also fascinated by the procedure and the detail involved in investigating homicides. It appeals to my organized nature.

To find out how Eve gets a new partner, catches a serial killer, and marries a billionaire, you’ll have to read the book.

Book #30: Glory in Death

In Glory in Death, the second novel in Nora Roberts’ In Death series (and one I’ve read a dozen times already), futuristic homicide detective Eve Dallas has to get used to being a billionaire’s girlfriend, while also hunting a serial killer. You know how it is.

Eve is wary of how serious her relationship seems to be becoming with formerly shady Irish billionaire, Roarke. Plus she’s always believed cops are a bad bet relationship-wise. She’s also hunting a serial killer who is murdering high profile women in NYC, women frequently in the media, like Eve herself.

Eve tries to use herself as bait for the serial killer, while also balancing her increasingly serious love affair. Just as Eve catches her killer, and agrees to give up her independence and live with Roarke, he decides he’s going to need more of a commitment… Dum dum da dum.

Book #29: Naked in Death

Naked in Death is a re-read, and a book I seem to read at least once a year. It's the first book in Nora Roberts' (writing as J.D. Robb) incredibly popular futuristic detective In Death series, and it's one of my all time favorites.

Eve Dallas is a homicide detective in the mid part of the 21st century. They've outlawed guns, but they can't seem to get rid of murder. Eve is an orphan who barely has any memory of her life before she was 8 years-old and found abandoned in an alley in Dallas. She's spent ten years on the New York City police force building her tough reputation.

Eve is appointed to investigate the murder of a high class prostitute, who also happens to be the grand-daughter of a vocal, conservative senator. And the killer warns her this is only the first of six murders.

In the course of the investigation, Eve meets Roarke, a gorgeous, mysterious billionaire originally from Ireland. She finds herself immediately attracted, but she also finds her investigation constantly leading back to him.

I love this gritty and fun, yet emotionally intense suspense series. The characters are incredibly well drawn, and the setting is interesting and believable. It's a struggle to not re-read the entire series, when I meant to be reading new material.

Book #28: Sweet and Deadly

Sweet and Deadly is the first book I've read by Charlaine Harris that wasn't part of a series. And now I understand why she seems to prefer to write serials. This novel seemed spare and lacking in character development compared to her usual stories.

Catherine Linton is the social reporter in her tiny Mississippi town. Since she moved home after her parents' tragic accidental (or homicidal) deaths, she's gotten a reputation for being an eccentric loner. That reputation is not helped by her finding a dead body on her property.

Catherine uncovers many secrets in her small town, while trying to solve the murder. But I never felt like we really got to know or understand her as a person.

I really can't wait until the new Sookie Stackhouse book comes out in May.

Book #27: Secret Life of a Vampire

It's Ms. Vampire Girl to you. Book number six in the Love at Stake series by Kerrelyn Sparks, is Secret Life of a Vampire. I haven't read one from this fluffy series in over a month. So it was a nice to revisit this complete departure from reality.

Lara Boucher is a former Miss Louisiana who decides to become a police officer after a near fatal car crash leaves her with a head injury and the wish to do something important with her life. She's fresh out of the police academy and working the night shift in New York City when she meets a very strange, yet incredibly good looking guy, who tries to wipe her memory.

Jack Venezia is a 200 year-old vampire, private investigator for a supernatural security agency, and the son of the infamous lover, Casanova. Jack has always been conscious of not living up to his father's legacy, but he's a very romantic vampire at heart. As with all of Kerrelyn Sparks' vampires, he has to have a catch-phrase epithet. Jack's personal favorite is "nine circles of hell". I think I prefer it over "God's blood".

The heroine of course doesn't get a personalized catch-phrase, so she has to use the often abused (at least in this damned series), "rascal". Argh! You're killing me Kerrelyn.

Book #26: Deadly Love

Deadly Love is the first book in Brenda Joyce's Francesca Cahill Romance series. I object a little bit to the "romance label", since this is obviously a suspense novel, with just a little bit of romance (which pretty much every suspense novel has).

Francesca Cahill is a bluestocking in New York City in the early 1900's. She's lucky enough to come from an extremely wealthy family but is very concerned with the political issues of the day, such as the living conditions of the city's working poor, and the corrupt police department. At 20, Francsca's parents are anxious for her to get married, but she's more concerned with obtaining a degree from Barnard College, where she's secretly enrolled.

Francesca meets Rick Bragg, the new city police commissioner, at a fancy party at her parents' house and find herself uncharacteristically flustered by him. It's not long before a child is kidnapped and Francesca is insinuating herself into the police investigation.

The nice thing about this series is that since it centers on one person, everything doesn't have to wrap up neatly by the last page. The case is solved, but we don't know what will happen between Francesca and Rick, and whether Francesca will pursue her hairbrained scheme to become (presumably the first woman) private investigator.

Book #25: Last Scene Alive

Last Scene Alive is the seventh book in Charlaine Harris' Aurora Teagarden Mysteries.

Widow Aurora Teagarden is the only one in her tiny Georgia town that's not excited about the movie production coming to film. But that's probably since the movie is based on a bestselling book- about the serial killer that she was nearly a victim of. However, Aurora is glad to see former flame, Robin Crusoe, author of the bestselling novel.

Aurora makes some big decisions in this novel, while of course, stumbling upon bodies and helping to solve a murder. But overall it's a much more light-hearted story than the last couple of volumes in the series.

Book #24: An Abundance of Katherines

An Abundance of Katherines by John Green is the second of his novels that I've read. And at the risk of spoiling something for you, in the previous novel, Looking for Alaska, someone dies. And as a result, I spent the entire time reading An Abundance of Katherines cringing, worrying that someone was going to be killed off at any moment.

Luckily, when not worrying about impending doom, I was laughing my ass off.

"We fatties have a bond, dude. It's like a Secret Society. We've got all kinds of shit you don't know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances- we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the earth and we go down there in the middle of the night when all the skinny kids are sleeping and eat cake and fried chicken and shit." -from An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

Fat people lairs! Awesome. And where's my map?

Colin Singleton is a former child prodigy who's having trouble coming to terms with the fact that he's never going to be a genius. And immediately after graduating from high school, he's been dumped for the 19th time by a chick named Katherine. Dude doesn't know when to quit a losing streak.

In order to get over his breakup and work on his newest theorem, he and his best friend Hassan take off on a road trip out of Chicago and end up in nowheresville, Gutshot Tennessee. Due to an odd set of circumstances, they end up getting jobs and sticking around Gutshot for a while.

I don't know how you feel about footnotes, but if you don't care for them, you won't like this book. The book is covered in about eleventy hundred footnotes. Everything from definitions, encyclopedic descriptions, and translations of several different languages, to explaining the jokes. You remember the old saying, right? If you have to explain the joke, it's probably not funny? And then, there are the graphs, holy God, the graphs... I'm sure it's supposed to be clever and entertaining. I found them a bit twee.

But my favorite thing that John Green does is secondary characters. So far in the two novels I've read of his, I didn't care for the main character. They're teenage boys, so I'm not exactly going to identify, and man alive are they some self absorbed nerds. But the sidekicks and the love interests are great. The sidekicks are hilarious and get all the best lines. The girls are written mysteriously complex (which of course is why the boys fall madly in love with them). But I found them fascinating too, especially Lyndsey Lee Wells in An Abundance of Katherines. Someday I would love to read her story.

Book #23: A Dangerous Love

The ninth book in Brenda Joyce's de Warenne Dynasty, A Dangerous Love moves on to the now grown de Warenne children. And based on the ridiculous description (and that's saying a lot, considering...) of the final book in the de Warenne series, I think this one will be my last.

Ariella de Warenne is the illegitimate, educated, and privileged daughter of a pirate (Cliff from A Lady at Last), and a jewess harem concubine. Yes.

Viscount Emilian St. Xavier is the illegitimate son of an English nobleman and a Romanian gypsy.

They're oh so exotic. She's so very eccentric. And he has serious anger issues. They fight, they have an ill-advised affair, he uses her for revenge, they both face bigotry directed at gypsies. Will these two crazy kids end up together? Guess.

Book #22: A Fool and His Honey

The sixth book in the Aurora Teagarden Mysteries, A Fool and His Honey continues on in a progressively depressing series. I've continued with all of the Charlaine Harris novels simply because I've loved the Southern Vampire Mysteries so much. But the other series aren't striking the same chord in me.

Part time librarian, and unintentional mystery solver, Aurora "Roe", and her wealthy older husband Martin receive quite a surprise when his newly married niece shows up on their doorstep with a baby, but without her husband in tow. And within a few hours, the niece promptly disappears as well, leaving her baby behind. Roe has always been a bit sad about her inability to conceive but with a baby foisted suddenly on her inexperienced self, she's not exactly thrilled.

Once a dead body shows up on their property, and with nothing quite adding up, Roe and Martin head back to Martin's hometown in Ohio to see if they can get to the bottom of the missing niece, the abandoned baby, and the dead body.

Danger and suspense follow Roe per usual, but by the end of the book, there's one unexpected tragedy too many. I'm not sure if I feel like continuing on in this series.

Book #21: Promises in Death

Promises in Death is the 29th book in Nora Roberts' In Death series. Seriously, 29th. The earliest ones in the series are my favorites, the ones I've re-read the most. The last few in the series have felt a bit lackluster, but this addition is more true to form.

Eve Dallas, heroine of the In Death series, is a New York City homicide cop in the year 2059. In the future, we have off planet penal colonies, cars with air lift options, and auto-chefs (a sort of microwave that can pretty much whip up gourmet meals), but we still have good old-fashioned murder.

Eve tries not to let her cases get too personal, though they inevitably do, especially when they involve cases of abuse like the kind she experienced in childhood. But this time, the case hits too close to home when the victim has been dating one of her closest friends. She didn't know the victim well, but promises to find justice, even if it means investigating other cops.

This is one of my favorites series because of how completely Eve kicks ass. She's definitely one of the toughest literary characters around. But as a result, she's completely out of her element with the girlie stuff. In this book, Eve faces down the killer with more courage than she does the bridal shower she's agreed to host.

Book #20: The Time Traveler's Wife

I might be the last person on Earth to read Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveler's Wife. This was a thoroughly engrossing novel about one couple's love affair that spans decades, and ages.

Clare is six years-old when Henry first visits her in the field near her parents' home. He is in his 40's. Henry visits her throughout her life as she ages. Sometimes Henry is in his 40's. Sometimes he's older, and sometimes younger.

Henry DeTamble is a libarian and unwilling time traveler. He frequently has very little warning and absolutely no control when he disappears from his life and ends up somewhere else in time, naked. Often he visits his wife Clare, as she's growing up. Sometimes he visits his family, even reliving his mother's gruesome death. And sometimes he visits himself, at different times in his life.

I found it a little hard to follow where the characters are supposed to be at in their lives, when Henry jumps around in time. But it's possible that's just because I'm very bad at math. The most haunting part of this book for me, was how lonely it is to be the wife who's left behind, never knowing when or if your husband will join you again in your present.

Book #19: The Perfect Bride

The Perfect Bride is the 8th book in Brenda Joyce's deWarenne Dynasty. It features Rex deWarrenne, the last of the deWarenne siblings. The other deWarennes were featured in the previous novels in the series.

Rex de Warenne lost a leg in the Napoleonic wars and has been pretty much drunk in isolated Cornwall ever since. Well, he's managed to find time to have scandalous affairs with house maids.

Lady Blanche Harrington is the perfect daughter and the perfect hostess. She's successfully avoided marriage until age 28. But now that her father has died, she needs a husband to run her vast estate. Oh, she's also sufferring from a delayed form of post traumatic stress disorder due to witnessing her mother's murder when she was a small child. Except they didn't have PTSD in the 1800's, so she thinks she's going insane.

People in romance novels sure do have to suffer a lot to get their happily ever after.

Book #18: Forgiving

LaVyrle's Spencer's Forgiving is a re-read. Some books I've read at least a dozen times. I think I've only read Forgiving once before, and it was a long time ago, before the HBO show "Deadwood". Forgiving is set in 1876 Deadwood, when it was still a rough Western territory, not a U.S. state. And I was curious to see how the Deadwood of the book compared to my beloved cancelled show.

Sarah Merritt is a newspaper publisher, like her father. She's come to Deadwood, Dakota Territory, to start a newspaper and to find her sister, who ran away from home five years before. She's plain, brave, and extremely bookish. Being one of very few single women (not counting prostitutes) in town, she's unexpectedly popular with the men. She immediately butts heads with town marshal Noah Campbell. And she finds her sister (one of the aforementioned prostitutes) not the least bit glad to see her.

Noah Campbell came west with his family, but chose to live in town while they carve out a living farming in the Spearfish region. He keeps the drunks in line and is an occasional patron of the badlands (you could call it a red light district), but doesn't see anything wrong with that. He has a pretty strong moral compass, and after initially throwing Sarah in jail, and being the subject of one of her scathing editorials, he eventually comes to appreciate her bravery and willingness to help organize the community.

I liked the slow pace of this novel. It felt more realistic than the instant sizzling attraction of so many others romances. Sarah and Noah's relationship develops slowly but solidly. The subplot with Sarah's sister Addie is also a rewarding piece of the story.

In Praise of Nike (from a New Balance girl)

In the early '90's, back when I used to hang poems and pictures and magazine clippings on my bedroom door, two of my very favorite items were Nike ads. I know what you're thinking. And even back then, I remember being disappointed that two of the quotes that I looked at every day and memorized over time because they spoke to me so strongly, came from something as lame as a Nike ad.

A women is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a women is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control; by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because as every women knows, measurements are only statistics & statistics lie.

I've always wondered who wrote these ads. Did they really believe the things that they said? And did they ever go on to do something more important than shilling for Nike? But if not, for their sake, I hope they sold a ton of shoes.

All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES.

Book #17: All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire

All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire is the fifth book in the Love at Stake series. And as much as I enjoy this frothy escapist series, they're killing me with those titles. Seriously, even posting about them is a little mortifying. Oh, and the cover art? Could someone who's at least read the books choose the covers? (Hint: the heroine is actually a blonde.)

Toni Davis takes a job as daytime security for a coven of New York vampires in hopes of finding proof of their existence in order to spring her best friend from the loony bin. Yeah, it's not a very well thought out plan. And despite barely surviving a vicious vampire attack, Toni finds herself becoming attached to the vampires she guards.

Ian MacPhie is yet another 500 year-old vampire (there seems to be an endless supply for this series). Ian was turned into a vampire when he was 15, and in the previous novel, he took an experimental drug in order to age him (don't ask) so that he'd be old enough to find his true love. Despite having an amazingly popular online dating profile (oh yes), Ian finds himself only interested in his forbidden security guard.

Though I'm still enjoying this series for the most part, it would be nice to see a little variation in the next installment, due out at the end of March.

2009 Oscar Picks (at 12:12pm)

It's impossible to not second-guess your Oscar picks. While I feel pretty confident with the idea that the Academy will go with Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, in part because of the cinematic-like ressurection of Mickey Rourke's career, we can't discount the universal belief that dour and humorless Sean Penn is a great actor. Conventional wisdom says Danny Boyle will win Best Director for Slumdog Millionaire. This year is all about Slumdog Millionaire. However, sometimes the Academy knows a film is going to be honored already (Slumdog will be winning Best Picture) so they use the Best Director category to honor another good film, which is why I think Frost/Nixon and the universally beloved Ron Howard, might have a shot (as well as Benjamin Button in the cinematography category). Viola Davis (for Best Supporting Actress) is my dark horse , and I totally called it before I saw Ebert had too.

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Kate Winslet, The Reader

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Viola Davis, Doubt

Best animated feature film of the year
WALL-E

Achievement in cinematography
Slumdog Millionaire

Achievement in costume design
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Achievement in directing
Frost/Nixon

Best documentary feature
Trouble the Water

Adapted screenplay
Doubt

Original screenplay
Milk

Best motion picture of the year
Slumdog Millionaire

Book #16: A Lady at Last

The seventh book in Brenda Joyce's de Warenne Dynasty, A Lady at Last takes place in the West Indies and England in the early part of the 19th century.

Amanda Carre is a pirate's daughter who's spent her life running around her island home like a savage, dressed in boy's breeches. She can't read or write and has no wish to be a lady. But when her father is hanged and the richest man on the island agrees to take her to London to meet her long lost mother, she has to learn to live among the privileged if she wants a future.

Cliff de Warenne is the youngest son of the Earl of Adare and has made his own fortune as a merchant and privateer. He feels a connection to Amanda due to their mutual love of the sea and freedom, and he vows to secure a future for her in England. He passes her off as his ward, but of course he spends the entire novel lusting after her.

The one thing I did appreciate about this story was how the two main characters became fond of eachother right away and had no problem admitting it. I get tired of the books where the couple pretends to hate eachother half the time. However, Amanda realizes she's in love with Cliff long before he realizes he loves her. Men in romance novels tend to be slow.

Happy Valentine's!

It's not here yet. But when it does come, there should be chocolates.

Book #15: The Undead Next Door

The fourth book in the Love at Stake series, Kerrelyn Sparks' The Undead Next Door doesn't stray far from the established format. Human and vampire meet and fall in love. Danger, suspense, humor and explicit you-know-what usually complete the package. Hello, it's a romance novel.

Heather is a single mother with an adorable four year-old daughter, and a redneck jackass ex-husband. She also has a live-in nanny (who we're supposed to think is charmingly amusing and eccentric). Although throughout the course of the story, Heather, who is a teacher, is conveniently on summer break and therefore doesn't have to worry about working. Heather is also a size 12 and is repeatedly and maddeningly referred to as fat. No, she doesn't fit into couture. But who does?

Jean-Luc is a 500 year-old vampire and world famous fashion designer. We're supposed to believe that Jean-Luc decides to open a high fashion boutique in a tiny little Texas town in order to go into seclusion, because he's become too famous and the press have started to wonder why he never ages. I had a very hard time suspending my disbelief that Parisian high fashion would land in small town hill country for any reason.

For once in this series, the heroine catches on fast. Heather realizes almost right away that there's something off about Jean-Luc and actually comes to the conclusion that he is immortal. Although, even though she was able to make that mental leap, she actually had a hard time also realizing that he was a vampire. Because there are so many non-vampire immortals running around somewhere?

I've mostly enjoyed this mind candy series, however the next time one of the female characters calls someone a "rascal", I'm going to fling myself off of a building. I don't even think grandmothers say "rascal" anymore.

Book #14: Things I Learned About My Dad (In Therapy)

I went into Things I Learned About My Dad, not really being able to relate. I didn't grow up with a father, so I don't really understand the complicated relationships people have with their fathers. I do have a good step-dad who's a good father to my little sister. But when he first started dating my mother, I was nearly 17 years-old and I'm pretty sure he wondered why her annoying roommate was forever bumming rides and money.

Heather Armstrong, of the wildly popular Dooce.com, assembled the essays for Things I Learned About My Dad from amongst tons of other popular bloggers. They come from all different points of views, from mothers, fathers, sons and daughters. I especially enjoyed the ones about being a new dad to a newborn, since I've witnessed that particular phenomenon myself. The essays written by adults looking back on their fathers' lives were particularly moving.

One thing I can relate to in this book, is how much new parents become obsessed with bowel movements. I don't think a day goes by without us talking about dirty diapers. Rob and I never discussed bodily functions until we had a kid. Wait, that's not entirely true. He did reveal to me once that when he was little, he learned going number 1 (snicker) was "pee-pee" and number 2 was "going potty". Which boggled my mind, because I always thought "potty" referred to the actual toilet. Though in truth, I grew up saying "I'm going to the bathroom", no specifics necessary. I don't think I started saying "I've gotta pee" until I was a drunken teenager at summer camp. (Just kidding Mom! That totally never happened.)

One thing I have learned about fatherhood is that sons adore their daddies. Every morning I go wake Cooper up to get him ready for daycare, and the first thing he says is "Daddy?" and then he keeps up a running commentary about Daddy for the rest of the morning. Sometimes I wonder if babies are hard wired to think of mama as a given. But somehow they know that if they have a daddy, well that's something special.

Book #13: Letter to My Daughter

My grandmother gave me Maya Angelou's Letter to My Daughter for Christmas. I've been a huge Maya Angelou fan forever. My mother took me to hear her speak at Bass Concert Hall when I was in high school. She was amazing, simply the most lyrical woman who's ever lived. I bet she can make ordering a cheeseburger sound like a poem.

"You may not control all of the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

That was just in the first couple of pages. In truth, the entire thing is quotable. It's a series of vignettes written as a letter to the daughter she never had. Her thoughts on honesty, vulgarity, charity, her relationship with God, and friends that have passed. She also has some advice about not whining, but with all due respect to Ms. Angelou, some of us may skillfully use whining to bring about the change we wish to see.

It's a really quick read. In fact, I finished it in one evening. And before you make fun Sally, this kind of thing is why we're months behind on our television shows.

Book #12: The 5-Minute Face: The Quick & Easy Makeup Guide for Every Woman

Sorry, this may seem like cheating on my list. But it's yet another book that I get to put in the "completed" pile and get off my nightstand.

Okay, this isn't so much a novel as a really large beauty magazine. But hey, no ads! The 5-Minute Face: The Quick & Easy Makeup Guide for Every Woman provides some interesting tips from Carmindy of TLC's "What Not to Wear".

I love beauty products. Love buying them, love playing with them, and love reading reviews. So I don't necessarily need instructions on how to choose a foundation or what to do with my eyebrows (though this book did make me realize that I need to work on my eyeliner application). But I actually know a lot of women who are somewhat clueless about what products are best for their skin (or, ahem, age). So this book could be helpful for someone who needs some tutoring on products as well as a step-by-step guide for the basics (Carmindy's infamous 5-minute face routine), plus some popular special occasion looks.

My biggest problem with the book, and this was voiced by Amazon reviewers as well, is that there aren't any photos of regular women. Don't get me wrong, there are tons of photos. Many photos of the lovely Carmindy, as well as whichever model she uses to illustrate the technique on. The problem is, we know those women can be made to look gorgeous, because you know, they're models. It would be a lot more helpful to have before and after photos of those techniques used on average women, to see what a difference proper makeup application makes.

I did actually get a few ideas about some new products and tools to try. Though Carmindy also gives plenty of trade tips for quick fixes that don't require a toolbox full of professional cosmetics. There's some color guidance for all skin types and ages. And at the back of the book, she gives a product guide including her favorite high end products, as well as their inexpensive counterparts.

Book #11: Be Still My Vampire Heart

Thank God this book was available in Kindle edition, because Be Still My Vampire Heart is not the kind of thing I'd like to be seen reading in public. If just for the corny title alone. Kerrelyn Sparks third novel in the Love at Stake series focuses on Emma Watson and Angus McKay, both introduced earlier in the series.

Emma is yet another member of the CIA "Stake Out" team we've heard about before. Her parents were murdered by vampires in Moscow and now she considers it her personal mission to eradicate the vampires. She's a world traveling vampire slayer. (Though they leave out all references to Buffy, which I found to be somewhat antithetical to this very modern series.)

Angus McKay is a 500 year-old Highland warrior who now owns his own security firm. He wears kilts and carries a giant broadsword but is apparently also perfectly comfortable with the internet and synthetic blood. He sees Emma as a warrior just like him. But of course he has to work pretty hard to get past her natural vampire prejudices.

I didn't find this book to be quite as much fluffy fun as the first two in the series (How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire, and Vamps in the City). Sometimes reading a series can get stale if each novel feels like a repeat of previous stories with just the characters names changed. Luckily this one somewhat redeemed itself with a little twist at the end.

Blogiversary

I don't think I've ever celebrated a blogiversary before, but today is five years that I've been blogging. I'm not sure how long I've been at Blogger. I started out at LiveJournal, but it was weird, full of kids, and it kept wanting to know my "mood".

I've accomplished quite a bit in my 505 posts. There was the time I talked about my boobs, the time I managed to make up 100 things all about me, the time I was plagiarized by a teenage girl, the time perfect strangers judged me for choosing not to breastfeed, the time I barely posted for months because I gave birth to a tiny needy human, and then there was the time our house imploded, and it's possible I've mentioned shoes once or twice, my controversial post about the now closed Parmer Lane Curra's, and I might have said something about my TV addiction, then there was that string of months where I didn't shut up about Twilight, and of course the time I accused the entire Republican National Convention of not understanding the definition of patriotism.

But mostly, I think I just talked about junk food.

Book #10: The Stolen Bride

The sixth book in Brenda Joyce's de Warenne Dynasty, The Stolen Bride takes place in Ireland in the early part of the 19th century.

Eleanor de Warenne had a crush on her step-brother Sean, from the time their parents married when she was a very young child. Eleanor helped Sean rebuild his ancestral home, dresses in men's breeches to ride horses, and tells whichever brother is currently doing her a favor that he is her very favorite brother. After Sean leaves home and doesn't return for four years, Eleanor finally agrees to marry a very wealthy British lord, though she doesn't love him, because she's still got this kind of sick thing for her step-brother.

Sean O'Neil was always a good sport about tolerating Eleanor's spying, hero worship, and rescuing her when she got into trouble. In the four years he's been away, he married, lost his wife and step-son under very tragic circumstances (and of course he blames himself) and spent two years in isolation in a British prison. He's a very anguished criminal on the run. Sean shows up on the eve of Eleanor's wedding and all kinds of madness takes place. These two are some ridiculously tortured lovers.

As much as I enjoy these silly romance novels, I would never survive as a character. I'd be all "Sorry, I can't handle this star-crossed shit. I'm just gonna marry the rich guy." See? I wouldn't even have the vernacular down.

Girl Scout Cookie time! Nom nom nom!

It's that very special time of year, when we celebrate with family and are thankful for the blessings in our life. Cookie blessings. This year my sister is a Brownie Scout and I think I'll be ordering by the case.

Book #9: Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture

Okay, to tell the truth, I started this book last year and got about halfway through. Then I put it down for months (I'm slow with non-fiction) and didn't pick it back up until this week. So it feels a little dishonest to include it on this list, but I'm just so excited that I finished it and can take it off the nightstand stack.

Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture "is a bold, piercing examination of how twenty-first century American society perceives sex and women." (from the Amazon review)

You know who the female chauvinist pigs are. They're the ones who grew up wanting to be in Playboy, the ones who think it's empowering to flash the Girls Gone Wild cameras, and the ones who will make out with their girlfriends at bars because they know that it turns guys on. It's like they're a whole generation of women who's mamas didn't raise them right. The interviews with women in the book were really interesting because they all seemed to reveal that their sexuality was so much more about performance than pleasure. There were also some interesting ideas about how much women's sexuality and "hotness" prevail in our culture and media, yet by comparison, we tend to fetishize virginity.

I don't feel like I learned anything new from this book, but then I'm a daily Jezebel reader. So I know all about women and sex in culture and media. But I did think that the chapter when Ariel Levy travels around with the Girls Gone Wild production, was fascinating (oh, and also revolting), and worth buying the book for.

Book #8: Vamps in the City

Vamps in the City is the second novel in Kerrelyn Sparks' Love at Stake series which I gleefully began earlier this month.

Darcy Newhart has only been a vampire for four years, and she's not very good at it. She can't teleport, she refuses to use mind control, and she doesn't even like the taste of blood- without chocolate in it. Anxious to get back into her previous career of journalism, Darcy applies to work at the Digital Vampire Network. In order to get her foot in the door, she pitches an idea for a vampire reality show (I know, right?). It's pretty much a knockoff of "The Bachelorette", but instead of one bachelorette, the lucky winner gets a whole harem (it's a long story).

Austin Erickson is a CIA agent working undercover for a secret operation called Stake Out, who is assigned to infiltrate the reality show in order to investigate vampires, and kill them if necessary. Of course he immediately lusts after Darcy, and takes a ridiculously long time to figure out she's not human. And of course by then they're both in love and beating themselves up over how they can't be together.

Like the previous book in the series, this is fluffy candy. Or maybe like one of those reality shows that you're embarassed to admit that you watch ("Tool Academy" anyone?) but that you simply can't miss. It's crazy silly, but highly entertaining.

Book #7: Shakespeare's Counselor

The fifth novel in Charlaine Harris' Lily Bard Mysteries, Shakespeare's Counselor is also the last in the series. This was a somewhat difficult book to get through. Lily the heroine, joins a rape survivor's group. We've already learned about her attack previously in the series. Learning about the other members of her counseling group is equally hard. And then of course, one of the members of the group is murdered. So Lily and her new husband, private investigator Jack Leeds, are on the case- unofficially.

Lily is also training to be a private investigator. She spends some time undercover at a gym, and staking out a worker's comp claimant. About a third of the way through the story, we realize that Lily is pregnant, but that she doesn't realize it herself. In fact, she doesn't seem to have any clue at all, until she's in the midst of miscarrying. Afterwards, she's understandably weaker and more vulnerable than we've previously seen her.

I don't feel like the series ends on a completely satisfying note, but maybe that's because there's no big flourish. Lily and Jack will just go on living in their small town, private investigating, and apparently stumbling over bodies with disturbing frequency.

Book #6: Shakespeare's Trollop

Shakespeare's Trollop is the fourth book in Charlaine Harris' Lily Bard Mysteries. Her books are always a quick read, sometimes they're even over before I'm ready. Lily Bard survived a gang rape and now lifts weights and takes martial arts three times a week. She has turned herself into one ass-kicking house cleaner in the tiny town of Shakespeare Arkansas. Lily solves mysteries with the sometimes help of her private investigator boyfriend, Jack.

In this case, the murder victim was the Deedra, the local girl who's been around (she being the trollop in question). Being that Deedra was Lily's neighbor, and one of her customers, Lily feels invested in figuring out the killer's identity. She also happened to be the one that stumbled upon the body. That kind of thing seems to happen a lot in mysteries.

As a heroine, Lily is a little hard to embrace. For obvious reasons, she's not comfortable getting close to people, and she's discreet to the point of nearly being mute. However, she's very passionate about self defense, and she's a tidy soul. Okay, that might be an odd thing to care about, but it's actually one of my favorite things about all of Charlaine Harris' heroines. They all like to keep their homes spanking (or in Sookie's case, "spanky") clean. And being someone who also needs to have things in their proper place, I appreciate that aspect of their characters.

Book #5: The Masquerade

The Masquerade is the fifth book in Brenda Joyce's de Warrenne Dynasty series. Set in Ireland, in 1814, Elizabeth Fitzgerald is impoverished gentry who falls in love with the future Earl of Adare, Tyrell, when she's very young. Eventually Elizabeth comes to Tyrell's attention as a teenager at a masquerade ball. However, due to a ridiculous series of events, Elizabeth's skanky sister Anne, winds up pregnant with Tyrell's baby. Elizabeth helps her conceal the pregnancy, then instead of giving the baby up for adoption as planned, Elizabeth decides to keep the baby for herself (passing herself off as an unwed mother), thereby forever ruining her reputation. And because of that, she eventually ends up as Tyrell's mistress, while he's engaged to someone else.

As required for all romance novels, there are the requisite misunderstandings that lead the two main characters to spend pages and pages longer getting together than is really necessary. I think this is why I'm beginning to prefer mysteries. Please people, just talk to eachother and you could be together within 150 pages instead of 300 (or in this case, 560 pages).

Okay, but I liked it anyway and will be continuing on in the series.

Book #4: How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire

Can you believe it? How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire? That is seriously the title of the book! Based on my previous purchases, Amazon thinks I'm Vampire Girl, so it kept recommending this one to me every time I logged in. And upon actually taking a look at it, I realized the cover model is wearing my wedding dress. So obviously, it was meant to be.

This book is extremely silly, totally sappy, and faintly ridiculous. I could not put it down.

Shanna Whelan is in the witness protection program, hiding from the Russian mob, after seeing something she shouldn't have. Hey, it could happen to anyone. She's a dentist working the night shift at a 24 hour clinic. They don't get many customers, which is just as well, since she's afraid of blood anyway.

Shanna is a curvy size 12 (like my home girl Sookie Stackhouse- the literary one, not the HBO one). She has perpetually dyed hair, carries a Marilyn Monroe purse, orders pizza every night, and fantasizes about brownies. I kind of love her.

Roman Draganesti is a former monk, current millionaire scientist who's invented synthetic blood. Which is super handy, since he's a 500 year-old vampire who would prefer not to feed off humans. Roman is all tortured about his sins and his eternal damnation, which is apparently required for all male vampire leads. He also uses "God's blood!" as an expletive about eleventy times per page.

Of course they fall in love, but along the way, there are Scottish warriors in kilts, bombs going off, harems, creepy psychotic Russian vampires, a digital cable vampire TV station, teleporting, telepathic sex, a covert CIA team called Stake Out (get it?), a minor vampire war, chocolate flavored blood, and yes- brownies.

The best part? It's the first in a series! That's like crack to us borderline OCD types. You mean I get to read them in tidy sequential order with establishing storylines and character backgrounds? Can you guess what the series is called? Love at Stake! Of course it is.

Book #3: Dead Over Heels

Just finished the fifth book in the Aurora Teagarden Mysteries series. Dead Over Heels is also the last book in the series available in Kindle edition. (Amazon, get on that, would you?)

The story starts out with a dead man falling from an airplane and landing in heroine (and part time librarian) Aurora's front yard. The fact that the dead man was a cop, and one who was known to be openly hostile to Aurora, compounds the issue. Various odd occurrences throughout the story lead the reader to realize that someone is stalking Aurora and trying to win her affections in a seriously bizarre way. Aurora is a lot slower to come to this conclusion.

Again I find myself irritated by Aurora's relationship with her husband, and how little time they spend together, and how little they communicate. Sookie Stackhouse would never put up with that crap.

Wonder how I'm plowing through these books so fast. They're all around 240-300 pages, and I'm a bit of a speed reader. Also, my kid naps for 2-3 hours a day on the weekends, and is usually in bed by 7:30 at night. Oh, and my husband is pretty understanding about my penchant for burying my head in a story for hours at a time. I'm a lucky girl.

Book #2: The Julius House

Fourth book in Charlaine Harris' Aurora Teagarden Mysteries, The Julius House is fairly engrossing.

Heroine Aurora Teagarden settles into married life with her dashing older husband Martin. As a wedding gift, Martin buys Aurora the Julius House, site of a local family's mysterious disappearance. Aurora is of course unable to leave the mystery unsolved. She also spends some time wondering what secrets in her husband's past necessitate two on-site bodyguards. There's a lesson there kids: don't marry someone you barely know.

I enjoyed trying to unravel the mystery, but also spent a lot of time irritated at Aurora for being so clueless about the man she married.

Book #1: Three Bedrooms, One Corpse

Three Bedrooms, One Corpse is the third book in the Aurora Teagarden Mysteries by Charlaine Harris (known for the Southern Vampire Mysteries, basis for HBO's wickedly entertaining "True Blood", the Harper Connelly Mysteries, and Lily Bard Mysteries) . This is the fourth Charlaine Harris series I've read.

The heroine, Aurora Teagarden is a former librarian, who due to an unexpected inheritance, is now a lady of leisure. Score! Short, nearsighted, and heavily into true crime, she tends to stumble upon a lot of dead bodies. In this third novel, she begins an affair with the mysterious new older man in town, while also trying to figure out who keeps murdering local realtors.

I think this is Charlaine Harris' first mystery series, which would explain why Aurora Teagarden is the least clearly drawn of her heroines. Aside from her bookishness, lack of height, and fascination with murder, she doesn't have quite as much personality as her literary mystery solving sisters.

That aside, the books are entertaining, and I'll be devouring them as fast as my Kindle can download them.

100 Books for 2009... or something

I've been toying with the idea for a long time of trying to read 100 books in a year. Or at the very least, posting about the books I read just to see how many I generally read in a year. However, I've always hesitated because sometimes the books I read are embarrassing. You're saying "[gasp] You? No!" But for serious. It isn't just the vampire kick I've been on lately. (And believe me, I never had any intention of becoming that girl.) Sometimes... I read bodice rippers. Yep, heaving bosoms, tight breeches, with ridiculous titles like Her Forbidden Pirate or Love's Brazen Fire. I own books with Fabio on the cover. It's humiliating. But now that this is a known fact, let's get to it.