Book #36: Forbidden Nights with a Vampire

Forbidden Nights with a Vampire is book seven in the Love at Stake series. And yet again, I'm thankful this was available on Kindle so no one has to see me in public reading such ridiculously titled literature.

Vanda is originally from Poland, was made a vampire during World War II, still seems to be sufferring from some form of Post Traumatic Stress, and has serious anger issues. Vanda owns a vampire strip club in Hell's Kitchen and is in trouble with her coven master for multiple verbal and violent assaults against fellow vampires. They totally had it coming though.

Phil is daytime security for the "good vamps" of New York and volunteered to be Vanda's anger management sponsor. He's also a closet Werewolf. Why he doesn't want all the vampires to know this, I have no idea.

Vanda is revealed to be far too vulnerable, especially for someone who prances around in catsuits, with purple hair, and a whip tied around her waist. Phil gets to save Vanda, which is pretty much his reason for existing. Happily ever after of course, with only one "rascal" thrown in. At this point, I'm convinced that Kerrelyn Sparks is taunting me.

Book #27: Secret Life of a Vampire

It's Ms. Vampire Girl to you. Book number six in the Love at Stake series by Kerrelyn Sparks, is Secret Life of a Vampire. I haven't read one from this fluffy series in over a month. So it was a nice to revisit this complete departure from reality.

Lara Boucher is a former Miss Louisiana who decides to become a police officer after a near fatal car crash leaves her with a head injury and the wish to do something important with her life. She's fresh out of the police academy and working the night shift in New York City when she meets a very strange, yet incredibly good looking guy, who tries to wipe her memory.

Jack Venezia is a 200 year-old vampire, private investigator for a supernatural security agency, and the son of the infamous lover, Casanova. Jack has always been conscious of not living up to his father's legacy, but he's a very romantic vampire at heart. As with all of Kerrelyn Sparks' vampires, he has to have a catch-phrase epithet. Jack's personal favorite is "nine circles of hell". I think I prefer it over "God's blood".

The heroine of course doesn't get a personalized catch-phrase, so she has to use the often abused (at least in this damned series), "rascal". Argh! You're killing me Kerrelyn.

Book #17: All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire

All I Want for Christmas is a Vampire is the fifth book in the Love at Stake series. And as much as I enjoy this frothy escapist series, they're killing me with those titles. Seriously, even posting about them is a little mortifying. Oh, and the cover art? Could someone who's at least read the books choose the covers? (Hint: the heroine is actually a blonde.)

Toni Davis takes a job as daytime security for a coven of New York vampires in hopes of finding proof of their existence in order to spring her best friend from the loony bin. Yeah, it's not a very well thought out plan. And despite barely surviving a vicious vampire attack, Toni finds herself becoming attached to the vampires she guards.

Ian MacPhie is yet another 500 year-old vampire (there seems to be an endless supply for this series). Ian was turned into a vampire when he was 15, and in the previous novel, he took an experimental drug in order to age him (don't ask) so that he'd be old enough to find his true love. Despite having an amazingly popular online dating profile (oh yes), Ian finds himself only interested in his forbidden security guard.

Though I'm still enjoying this series for the most part, it would be nice to see a little variation in the next installment, due out at the end of March.

Book #15: The Undead Next Door

The fourth book in the Love at Stake series, Kerrelyn Sparks' The Undead Next Door doesn't stray far from the established format. Human and vampire meet and fall in love. Danger, suspense, humor and explicit you-know-what usually complete the package. Hello, it's a romance novel.

Heather is a single mother with an adorable four year-old daughter, and a redneck jackass ex-husband. She also has a live-in nanny (who we're supposed to think is charmingly amusing and eccentric). Although throughout the course of the story, Heather, who is a teacher, is conveniently on summer break and therefore doesn't have to worry about working. Heather is also a size 12 and is repeatedly and maddeningly referred to as fat. No, she doesn't fit into couture. But who does?

Jean-Luc is a 500 year-old vampire and world famous fashion designer. We're supposed to believe that Jean-Luc decides to open a high fashion boutique in a tiny little Texas town in order to go into seclusion, because he's become too famous and the press have started to wonder why he never ages. I had a very hard time suspending my disbelief that Parisian high fashion would land in small town hill country for any reason.

For once in this series, the heroine catches on fast. Heather realizes almost right away that there's something off about Jean-Luc and actually comes to the conclusion that he is immortal. Although, even though she was able to make that mental leap, she actually had a hard time also realizing that he was a vampire. Because there are so many non-vampire immortals running around somewhere?

I've mostly enjoyed this mind candy series, however the next time one of the female characters calls someone a "rascal", I'm going to fling myself off of a building. I don't even think grandmothers say "rascal" anymore.

Book #11: Be Still My Vampire Heart

Thank God this book was available in Kindle edition, because Be Still My Vampire Heart is not the kind of thing I'd like to be seen reading in public. If just for the corny title alone. Kerrelyn Sparks third novel in the Love at Stake series focuses on Emma Watson and Angus McKay, both introduced earlier in the series.

Emma is yet another member of the CIA "Stake Out" team we've heard about before. Her parents were murdered by vampires in Moscow and now she considers it her personal mission to eradicate the vampires. She's a world traveling vampire slayer. (Though they leave out all references to Buffy, which I found to be somewhat antithetical to this very modern series.)

Angus McKay is a 500 year-old Highland warrior who now owns his own security firm. He wears kilts and carries a giant broadsword but is apparently also perfectly comfortable with the internet and synthetic blood. He sees Emma as a warrior just like him. But of course he has to work pretty hard to get past her natural vampire prejudices.

I didn't find this book to be quite as much fluffy fun as the first two in the series (How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire, and Vamps in the City). Sometimes reading a series can get stale if each novel feels like a repeat of previous stories with just the characters names changed. Luckily this one somewhat redeemed itself with a little twist at the end.

Book #8: Vamps in the City

Vamps in the City is the second novel in Kerrelyn Sparks' Love at Stake series which I gleefully began earlier this month.

Darcy Newhart has only been a vampire for four years, and she's not very good at it. She can't teleport, she refuses to use mind control, and she doesn't even like the taste of blood- without chocolate in it. Anxious to get back into her previous career of journalism, Darcy applies to work at the Digital Vampire Network. In order to get her foot in the door, she pitches an idea for a vampire reality show (I know, right?). It's pretty much a knockoff of "The Bachelorette", but instead of one bachelorette, the lucky winner gets a whole harem (it's a long story).

Austin Erickson is a CIA agent working undercover for a secret operation called Stake Out, who is assigned to infiltrate the reality show in order to investigate vampires, and kill them if necessary. Of course he immediately lusts after Darcy, and takes a ridiculously long time to figure out she's not human. And of course by then they're both in love and beating themselves up over how they can't be together.

Like the previous book in the series, this is fluffy candy. Or maybe like one of those reality shows that you're embarassed to admit that you watch ("Tool Academy" anyone?) but that you simply can't miss. It's crazy silly, but highly entertaining.

Book #4: How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire

Can you believe it? How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire? That is seriously the title of the book! Based on my previous purchases, Amazon thinks I'm Vampire Girl, so it kept recommending this one to me every time I logged in. And upon actually taking a look at it, I realized the cover model is wearing my wedding dress. So obviously, it was meant to be.

This book is extremely silly, totally sappy, and faintly ridiculous. I could not put it down.

Shanna Whelan is in the witness protection program, hiding from the Russian mob, after seeing something she shouldn't have. Hey, it could happen to anyone. She's a dentist working the night shift at a 24 hour clinic. They don't get many customers, which is just as well, since she's afraid of blood anyway.

Shanna is a curvy size 12 (like my home girl Sookie Stackhouse- the literary one, not the HBO one). She has perpetually dyed hair, carries a Marilyn Monroe purse, orders pizza every night, and fantasizes about brownies. I kind of love her.

Roman Draganesti is a former monk, current millionaire scientist who's invented synthetic blood. Which is super handy, since he's a 500 year-old vampire who would prefer not to feed off humans. Roman is all tortured about his sins and his eternal damnation, which is apparently required for all male vampire leads. He also uses "God's blood!" as an expletive about eleventy times per page.

Of course they fall in love, but along the way, there are Scottish warriors in kilts, bombs going off, harems, creepy psychotic Russian vampires, a digital cable vampire TV station, teleporting, telepathic sex, a covert CIA team called Stake Out (get it?), a minor vampire war, chocolate flavored blood, and yes- brownies.

The best part? It's the first in a series! That's like crack to us borderline OCD types. You mean I get to read them in tidy sequential order with establishing storylines and character backgrounds? Can you guess what the series is called? Love at Stake! Of course it is.