19 shopping days left until my birthday!

I wanna be Oprah when I grow up.

CHICAGO -- Talk show host Oprah Winfrey celebrated the premiere of her 19th season Monday by surprising each of her 276 audience members with a new car.

What do I have to do to get a red alert around here?

Cheney: Wrong Vote Invites Attack. If you vote for the democrats, the terrorists will kill you.
But wait... who was in power during the last terrorist attack? Oh right.

Republicans Take Over the World With Fuzzy Math

From MSNBC:

NEW YORK - The Republican National Convention went up close and personal Tuesday night, hearing the stories of a president agonizing over the awesome consequences of his power and a poor immigrant who conquered the worlds of competitive bodybuilding, show business and politics to become governor of the nation’s largest state.

Except for the part where California is the third largest state.

And later in the article:

Appearing on NBC’s “Today,” Bush was asked Monday whether the war on terrorism was winnable. “I don’t think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions so that the — those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world,” Bush said.
Bush believes the United States will win the war on terrorism, despite his remarks suggesting it could not be won, White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Tuesday. In his acceptance speech Thursday, the president “will make it crystal clear ... that we will win the war on terrorism by continuing to take the fight to the enemy,” McClellan said.

What he meant was, we can't win the war on "terra", because the Earth is just gonna kick our ass on that one.

From the ohmigod files:

Friends don't let friends get decapitated.
Sent by Brian


And friends don't let friends mummify in their apartments.
Sent by Julia

32 Shopping Days Until My Birthday

Just to help you out, I'm feeling very pink this year. Behold the updated wish list.

This is who we should have invited to Rob's party to finish off the beer: Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground.

KEYE News: Making 5:45am local sportscasts safe for the kiddos.

Expletive costs KEYE sports anchor his job (subscription required). So two people lost their job over an ‘F bomb’ that likely no one heard? Priorities people. And good luck Andy.

Updated 9/2/04 at 4:55am: Livejournal comment from Jason: KEYE has hired Andy back after realizing how retarded they were.

Sometimes I do work at work. This isn't one of those times.

Stumbled upon a really entertaining blog written by a woman in L.A. The initial posts were so funny that I went back and read all of her previous entries. And also, cause I'm obsessive like that. Anyway, really good stuff, and now she's moving to Austin, so I look forward to an outsider's take on our oddities. She's already experienced the horror that is H.E.B., so she's had her trial by fire. Check her out if you get a chance, and good luck in grad school Angry Bridesmaid.

Remembering the Gross Times

In case you were wondering what to get me for my birthday (42 shopping days left): Return of the Garbage Pail Kids!

poor pathetic me

I finished Visions in Death last night. It's book number 20 of the In Death Series by J.D. Robb (aka Nora Roberts). I keep trying to convince people to read the series so that I have someone to talk to about them. The only other person I know who reads them is seriously annoying. So now that I've finished that one, I have nothing to read except Hillary's biography, which I've been shamefully putting off. It's just not trashy enough.
My most recent Old Navy order arrived on Saturday. It included my new 3/4 sleeve french blue button up shirt, new khaki pants, and a new cargo skirt. I was ironing the blue shirt last night in hopes of wearing it this week. I accidentally burned it, right on the front, a darkened patch in the shape of an iron. I'm not even sure how it happened, except that maybe the heat setting was too high and the fabric blend contains nylon. So I hadn't even worn the shirt and now it's ruined. It's extremely dissapointing and I'm still trying not to cry.

Pimento cheese and Snackwell's crackers. I'm a wealth of complexities.

Those We Do Not Shut Up About

We saw The Village last night. I liked it, so I’m not sure why the critics are hatin’. I liked it better than Unbreakable and it was definitely better than Signs. You have to appreciate that M. Night Shyamalan is one of the few filmmakers out there who still has a surprise or two up his sleeves. (And since I’m one of those annoying people who guess the plot twist out loud seconds before it’s revealed, ruining the entire movie for others- according to Rob, then this should be very appreciated.) I was a bit disappointed at Joaquin Phoenix and Sigourney Weaver’s lack of screen time. Who knew Bryce Dallas Howard was going to monopolize the entire thing? Oh, and I’m calling it right now: She’s the poor man’s Claire Danes. And since Claire Danes took up with Billy Crudup while Mary Louise Parker was eight months pregnant with his kid, that’s not saying much. And no, there’s no explanation for why I possess that knowledge.

Potpourri

Rob’s 29th birthday party was last Saturday night. Any of you losers who didn’t show up missed out on lots and lots of beer. We had a pony keg, which contains 84 servings. There were 12 people at the party counting Rob and I. We returned the keg about a quarter full. Next time everyone will be required to consume their seven servings each.

We’ve postponed our house search until the spring. Our apartment lease is up then and it was going to cost us $600 just to get out of the lease early. We now know all the expenses we need to be prepared for and the neighborhood we want to buy in. We ended up withdrawing an offer we’d put in on a really cute four bedroom, two bath, seven closet house that I REALLY wanted. I try not the think about it. But seven closets? I was going to have one that was just for purses. Sigh.

I’m sharing two interesting articles today. I can’t seem to get enough of the Scott Peterson case, like the rest of the country it seems. And I don’t want to be too judgmental, because I know Amber Frey is not the criminal in this case. But what single mom gives the key to her place and leaves her child alone with someone on the third date?

And now on a totally different topic. Cow Udder Doping Scandal Hits Australia. Maybe it’s time we stopped judging dairy cows on their appearance?

And I am compiling a list of the movies that make me sob the hardest. Why? Because I work for a high tech company in the silicon hills that can’t seem to keep a steady network connection. I get bored.

Control your jealousy.

We had a seriously uneventful weekend. We drove to San Marcos to get my hair cut because that's where my hair dresser is. Rob went with me to keep me company and because I bribe him with lunch at Mamacita's. Then Saturday night we went with Brian to dinner and to the Alamo Drafthouse Lakecreek to see The Village. We got there an hour early and it was already sold out. So rather than drive to another theater where it was likely to be sold out as well, we stayed and saw Anchorman, with Will Ferrell. Not the best movie of the year, but it actually had some pretty funny moments. Ebert gave Anchorman three stars and The Village only one star. So who knows? Maybe it was money better spent. Besides, I just love the Alamo Drafthouse. More movie theaters should sell beer.
We also spent some time this weekend watching Colonial House. The eight hour PBS reality series premiered in May and we've just now gotten around to watching the reccorded episodes. Twenty or so men and women go live as 1628 colonists in Maine. From pbs.org: "Residing in a 17th-century environment cultivated from extensive research, the colonists negotiate personal and communal challenges as they deal with the demoralizing weather, rustic living conditions and backbreaking labor. Among the points of dissension that arise in the colony are: the rigid class and gender roles, mandatory religious observance, and the puritanical civil laws of the era, particularly those pertaining to profanity."
Who says we don't know how to have an exciting weekend?

We call it free gift with purchase.

Texas Teens Finds Marijuana In McDonald's Dessert

Author Paula Danziger dead at 59

Childrens’ books included The Cat Ate My Gymsuit
The Associated Press
Updated: 6:01 p.m. ET July 09, 2004
NEW YORK - Paula Danziger, author of numerous popular books for children and young adults, has died of complications from a heart attack in New York City.
Danziger’s first novel, The Cat Ate My Gymsuit, was published to glowing notices 30 years ago.
She also wrote the Amber Brown books about a pugnacious grade schooler.
Danziger grew up in New Jersey and became a schoolteacher in 1967. She says she always wanted to write, but didn’t start until a week in which she survived two car accidents in two days.
“Before I got hit by a bus,” she said.
Paula Danziger was 59.

The Church of Baseball

We leave for vacation on Wednesday, at some ungodly hour of the morning. Just two days left to pretend to work and throw way too many clothes and shoes into a suitcase. How does a girl with 20 pairs of flip flops narrow it down? So Wednesday morning, we board a plane bound for Cooperstown, NY, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame (which we will not be visiting). Also the home of James Fenimore Cooper and his lovely touristy estate, which we also not be visiting. Oh, and Barnyard Swing, Cooperstown's newest miniature golf course, which we will totally be visiting. We will be staying in a house on the shore of pristine Lake Otsego (according to the chamber of commerce). We will be without television, without internet access, and likely have very spotty cell phone reception for seven whole days. I will easily not worry about work, or bills, and I will struggle a lot to not worry about the four bedroom house in Anderson Mill that I'm in love with and desperately hope has not been bought out from under us while we're out of town (I would paste the link to the house here, but you would just buy the house for yourself and our friendship would be ruined). I will be laying on the dock, reading a trashy romance novel or riding around in Rob's grandfather's 80 year-old wooden boat, or attempting to hunt for non-baseball themed souvenirs. Try not to be eaten up with jealousy.

yay for books!

Pamie's book drive for the San Diego Public Libraries is going strong. They've received over 200 books, but they still need many more due to drastic budget cutbacks.
It's super easy to donate. Each library branch has an Amazon wishlist, many of them filled with books for children and young adults. I donated today. The Ranch San Diego Branch Library should be receiving:
Drawing Cats by Katy Bratun which was ranked a “must have” on the library’s wishlist.

Anne of Green Gables by L.M Montgomery which is still one of my favorite books of all time, and every girl should get to read it.

Remember the Ladies: 100 Great Amererican Women by Cheryl Harness, because sure, remember the ladies. But the best part? The misspelling of American? That’s how it appears on Amazon. I’m hoping that on the book itself it’s spelled correctly.

It was fun, easy, and now I get to be smug all day. What are you sending?

Miles Allen Matheny

My friend Brian (we've been friends for more than ten years) lost his brother Allen this week. Allen died suddenly at the age of 21. He was burried today in Pflugerville after a funeral so full that they ran out of seating. Brian eulogized him with the perfect mixture of humor and love and Allen will be greatly missed. Allen's obituary can be viewed online. If you're the praying sort, please add Brian and his family to your prayers and thoughts.