What I Did Over My Christmas Vacation

It took about five days to remodel our bedroom. That's counting the days that we were really lazy and got a slow start, and the time it took to move all of our furniture in and out of the room. And the time it took to tape around all of the doors, and windows. And that short sentence doesn't convey how freakin' long it took to tape around everything. The walls have been painted with American Tradition satin in Autumn Sky, and the floors are Kronotex wood laminate in Heirloom Cherry. The baseboards were replaced and painted in a white semi-gloss.

I did the majority of the taping and cutting in (except for the ceiling). Rob assisted with taping and pried off the old baseboards. My mother came over and ripped out the carpet and padding, pulled up tack strips and nails from the concrete foundation, and helped with painting and cutting in at the ceiling, which I had been dreading. She also assisted with shopping for baseboards, and loaned us tons of supplies for painting and prying glue up from cement (who knew they made a tool for that?) which we didn't have. Then she came over the next day and helped lay the underlayment padding over the concrete floor. Then her friend Tami came to install the floor. My mother, Tami, and Tami's friend Frank laid the laminate flooring for the entire room while Rob and I said "Hey, that's cool!" and tried to stay out of their way. They also installed the new baseboards which Rob and I had painted. Then Rob caulked the baseboards once they were installed. All we have left to do is install thresholds in both doorways, and buy curtains.

Thanks to my mother, and Tami and Frank.

(More photos can be found here.)

I've been off all week working on remodeling our bedroom. Pictures to come soon.

Cyber Festivus Greetings

I was a lazy twit this year and didn't manage to get any Christmas cards out in time, so here's my virtual Christmas card:

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and much love to...

the Poiriers
the Seavers
the Gregorys
the Stricklands
the Kellums
the Schemms
Jennifer & Matt
Brian & Ainsley
the Bursts
Jimmy & Heather
Ben & Caitlin
John & Heather
Leslie
Nicole & Kevin
Shug & Kim
Jamaica
Kelley
Steve
the Roebucks
Michella
Emily
the Cummins
Cacedra
Susan
and anyone I might have missed...

Praise the Lord and pass the Little Debbies.

She's lucky I didn't post the one where she's "Strokin" all hopped up on Asskicker at The O.B.

Happy Birthday Sally! Sally (otherwise known as Nicole) is 29 years-old today. Wow, that is scary close to 30! I didn't get her a birthday present, or a Christmas present, or a wedding present. Mostly because she's been living in Prague for the last year and half or so. And she and her new husband are bohemian vagabonds who refuse to buy a house in the suburbs and stay put, so that I can give them tacky knick knacks. What kind of wedding present do you get for people like that?

Seriously, what is wrong with her?

Yesterday, Ann Coulter wrote in her syndicated column:

I have difficulty ginning up much interest in this story inasmuch as I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East, and sending liberals to Guantanamo.

Jay Marvin, sitting in for Jerry Springer this morning on Air America read that paragragh on the air. Jay Marvin was of the opinion that like her hero Joe McCarthy, Ann Coulter has a serious character flaw. Um, try mental illness? Bitch be CRAZY.

Some dweeb on a Rotten Tomatos forum did not understand the greatness that is "The Chronic of Narnia" posted:

Okay, call me stupid and for the record I don't listen to rap music but why is this so funny. It was a little funny but I really don't get this for the most part.

And Malchickiwick, some really clever persona who is my new best friend responded:

The style of the rapping is "gansta rap" which is generally performed by muscular, rich, hip, black artists, and the subject of the songs is usually "thug life," which involves drugs, womanzing, being hip, and having a lot of money.

In this case, however, the rappers are two, white Jewy guys with unimpressive physical attributes and little money or fashion sense.

Their song is about watching a geeky fantasy movie for kids, cutting corners on prices, and other unhip or mundane activities.

Thus, the form of the song is the opposite of the song's content, creating irony. Irony is one way of achieving humor.

Lazy Sunday

Yo stop at the deli, the theatre's overpriced,
'you got the backpack?' 'Gonna pack it up nice'
Don't want security to get suspicious,
Mr Pibb plus Red Vine equals crazy delicious.

I reach in my pocket, pull out some doh
girl acted like she never seen a ten befo'.
It's all about the Hamiltons, baby!
Throw the snacks in the bag, and I'm Ghost like Swayze

Did anybody win in Vegas?

So wow, good thing I didn't place any bets on my "Nip/Tuck" Carver guess. Nobody could have predicted a Quentin/Kit team! And then to play wacky music while those two head off to carve their way around Europe? Amazing.

The Chronic Whhhat? Cles of Narnia

If you missed SNL on Saturday night, you missed the one funny bit of the season! Chris Parnell and one of the newest featured players Andy Samberg, debuted their rap "The Chronic of Narnia". You must check it out.

R.I.P. John Spencer. Better known as Leo McGarry on "The West Wing", John Spencer would have been 59 on Tuesday.

What are my Vegas odds?

I'm calling it right now: The "Nip/Tuck" Carver is Gina. Right? Right? Quentin has to be a red herring, cause dude is wicked obvious.

Edited to add: Vegas odds reported at 500-1 on Gina. Sweet! Now I just need some money to bet with...

The four most recent searches that landed people at my blog:

weevil on veronica mars (yay for Veronica love! And sorry Weevil fan, I didn't mean it.)

your an ass (Awesome. And I applaud your grammar choice.)

is danny and melinda getting married of the real world austin (Even better.)

http://queenkandis.blogspot.com (It's called an address bar, check it out some time.)

The pipe, it has been passed.

The Golden Globe nominations were released today, and it feels like the Emmy's all over again. I really can't talk about the movies because the only contender I've seen is Walk the Line (which is in the Musical or Comedy category). I do plan to see Brokeback Mountain, Crash, The Family Stone, and Pride & Prejudice at some point.

So the TV nominations: Yes to "Lost" being nominated for best drama, "Everybody Hates Chris" and "My Name is Earl" for best comedy nominations, Mary Louise Parker for "Weeds" (I haven't seen the show cause we don't have Showtime, but she's always brilliant so I buy it here). Yes to Steve Carell for "The Office" and Jason Lee for "Earl" and Zach Braff for "Scrubs".

No to "Deadwood" and "Veronica Mars" being snubbed all over hell and back. No nominations for any "Deadwood" (Ian McShane or Molly Parker) or "Veronica Mars" (Kristen Bell or Jason Dohring) cast? Inexcusable. Oh, and Lauren Graham, Julian McMahon, and John C. McGinley are probably used to their amazing performances being ignored by awards shows. "Prison Break" gets a best drama nomination before "Deadwood"? Are you freaking kidding me? Even "The West Wing" cast got snubbed. Now sure, their writing has really sucked in the last year, but Leo had a heart attack! That had to be good for a nod. And four of the "Desperate Housewives" women nominated? Isn't that excessive? I don't even watch that show and even I know Eva Longoria couldn't act to save her life. And to try and convince us that there's so few female comedic talents on TV that they have to waste four of the five nominations on one cast? And even if that were the case, I can easily think of four women on "Gilmore Girls" who are much funnier, and that show is a drama.

The Golden Globes voters are smoking the Emmy crack.

AFI names the top TV shows of 2005: 24, Battlestar Galactica, Deadwood, Grey’s Anatomy, House, Lost, Rescue Me, Sleeper Cell, Sometimes in April and Veronica Mars.

Finally! Someone sees the light.

I blame Elvis. Again.

As if I don't have enough embarrassing obsessions and hobbies, I have another confession to make. I'm 28 years-old and I watch "One Tree Hill". I just can't seem to stop myself. You all can keep your "O.C." and your "Laguna Beach", and give me a plain old high school drama set in North Carolina any day. I adore the trashiness, and over the top love triangles and melodrama, and the hallmark of modern teen dramas- a serious lack of visible parents. And what parents there are? Totally crazy and about as emotionally mature as your average sophomore. And this week, "One Tree Hill" did the impossible. They made me like Tyler Hilton, or at least his pop singer wannabe character. And I really couldn't stand him! The smarmy tool with idiotic hair and no discernable motivation for his actions. But then he sold his beloved guitar to help someone he'd wronged, and now I actually like the dumbass. Fuckin' Elvis.

Nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like processed cake products.

I forgot to mention one of the very best things about Christmas. There is a God, and her name is Little Debbie.

Is anyone else cool enough to have a Swedish band named after them?

December Exclamations

Rob posted pictures of Christmas at our house!

Only 5 days until my very favorite Austin holiday event, the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar!

My sister Abby turns five in less than two weeks!

Nicole comes home from Prague on her birthday, December 23rd!

My Amazon wishlist still has three pages of gifts for you to choose from!

Last One to the Da Vinci Party

So I started The Da Vinci Code. I think everyone on the planet has raved about it. And when something gets that much buzz, I just hate being left out. I remember when The Firm came out when I was in junior high or high school, and it was simply huge. So I read it, because I just had to know what everyone was talking about. And to this day, I don't get what the big deal was. It was okay, but on the boring side. A Time to Kill was a much better Grisham novel.

Now I know, The Da Vinci Code has been out for a while. But honestly? I don't buy hardback books unless it's by an author that I already love. So I thought I'd just wait for this one to come out in paperback. But the damn thing just will not leave the bestseller list. It may never be released in paperback. So I borrowed a copy from my step-dad months, maybe years ago, and I finally started it. But I suspect it's not worthy of all the hype.

Am I wasting my time?

Am I the only one who noticed that on "The Real World - Austin" reunion special that Danny appeared to propose to Melinda with a donated ring? The vapid "TRL" host who led the circus thanked the jeweler by name. Which was helpful, cause Rob and I were wondering how a Real World alum (do those people ever get jobs?) could afford a such a shiny object.

I don't think this is what Al Gore intended.

What would we do without the internet? Without the internet, how would I be able to have an entire conversation over email about “Days of our Lives” with one of my oldest friends who is currently living in Prague?

Kandis wrote:
Rick Springfield is returning to “General Hospital”! Austin is back on “Days”! Marlena was married to some dude she doesn't remember! Belle and Phillip got married and had a baby! Except the baby is Shawn's. But now he's getting it on with Mimi.
They killed Cassie on “Young & the Restless”, but they don't show Y&R on the Soap Network so I don't watch.

Nicole wrote:
After all this time they're still not letting Belle and Shawn be happy together!?!? Phillip is such a drag!!!! And Cassie as in Nick and Sharon's Cassie is dead?? That's so wrong...

Kandis wrote:
Oh, and yeah, Nick and Sharon's daughter Cassie got killed off. And Belle and Shawn can't be together, because Phillip lost his legs in Iraq, so Belle couldn't leave him, after she decided for the hundredth time that she and Shawn should be together. But Phillip has robotic legs or some shit now.

Nicole wrote:
OMG I am laughing my ass off right now!!! It was funny enough that pansy-ass Philip lost BOTH (how tragic) legs in the war and now he has ROBOTIC legs!?!? Just when you think it can't get any worse... And why hasn't Philip's rich Daddy paid for advance stem-call research to be done in order to re-grow Philip's legs in a petri dish??? I should soo be writing this...

Kandis wrote:
Well I don't think Phillip would even have robotic legs if he wasn't a Kiriakis. He'd still be rolling his enormous head around in a wheelchair (and seriously, Phillip (as played by Kyle from "The Real World - Chicago" has a gigantic head). But Victor hasn't been around. He was on that damn Mystery Island with half the other cast for months. It was supposed to be like their big summer storyline, and then it dragged on for like a year. And various people were presumed dead at different times, including Marlena, Victor, Roman, Abe, Jack, etc. But now of course they're all back and alive and blah blah. Oh, except for Jack, who's dying from a mystery ailment.The best part about Phillip losing his legs in Iraq was when Shawn, Lucas, and Brady all mounted a rescue campaign and actually managed to get TO Iraq and to the crazy desert where Phillip's platoon was. The height of ridiculousness. That is “Days”.

Nicole wrote:
There are no words for that.... And I fled the country around the time that the Salemites were being deposited on some mystery island. I'm glad I got out while I could. Is that Chloe chick (didn't she date George Clooney) still on there???

Kandis wrote:
I haven't seen her lately, but then I hardly ever get to watch a full episode. I just stop for a few minutes when flipping through. The Soap Network runs “Days” reruns every day. I think Chloe was seen in public with George Clooney once. I don't know if they were actually dating, or if they were just standing near each other on a red carpet? Chloe was back from the supposed dead, with a huge ass ugly scar on her face that she was too scared to let Brady or anyone else see. But not letting anyone see her did not prevent her from wearing approximately 10lbs of makeup. Last I saw, Brady had FINALLY stopped playing sex buddies with Nicole (his father's ex wife, brother's ex girlfriend, and the actor's real life wife) and was going to marry Chloe, but she got cold feet at the last minute. Now I don't know what happened, and Nicole is now all over the returned Austin.