There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris bites the hand that made him relevent again.

This means you.

There's a person at work who is forever talking on the cell phone while in the restroom. For a while I thought I was the only one maddened by this rude and inconsiderate behavior. But at the office Christmas party, I learned I wasn't the only one driven to insanity by this woman treating the ladies room as her own personal phone booth.

Shortly after the office Christmas party, the following sign was placed on the restroom door:

Please be courteous.
The public restroom is not the place for a cell phone conversation.
Thank you.

And for a couple of weeks, all was well. But yet again, the woman was spotted walking into the bathroom with her phone glued to her ear today. I can only assume she thought that sign was meant for someone else, surely not for her. So in order to make things absolutely clear, I'd really like to make the following edits to that sign (when no one is looking):

Please be courteous.
The public restroom is not the place for a cell phone conversation, Hacky McSmoker's Cough.*
Thank you.

*Offender's actual name will be substituted on the bathroom sign.

This is only a test.

We had a fire drill today at the building where I work. And the building management has made a habit of providing ice cream in the parking garage where we all gather after evacuating. One time it was Amy’s ice cream, our choice of chocolate or Mexican vanilla. And the last two times, it’s been bins of popsicles, ice cream sandwiches etc. like the ones they have at convenience stores.

I predict that in the event of an actual emergency, we’re all going to be very disappointed by the lack of snacks.

the newest outsourcing

Wombs for Rent in India

This is what obsession looks like.

These are my newest favorite things (not counting the cutest baby in the whole world).

They're called Sugar Shoes. They're so cute and fun, and vegan (I'm not, but hey, it doesn't hurt) and affordable. And I can't get enough of them. I have them on my Amazon and Kaboodle wishlists, I troll for them online constantly, and I bought the green ones entirely because they were on sale. Now I have to buy more green clothes.

The shoes are extremely comfortable. I buy about a 1/2 size bigger than I would normally, simply because they tend to be narrow, and I have wide troll feet. The canvas flats are only around $35, and I picked up the silly green ones for $10 at Amazon. I'm currently coveting the super cute wedge style. Feel free to make that my Christmas gift!

All shoes should be this fun.

Christmas meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both, though I like the act of wrapping presents. It makes it feel more like Christmas. Although my OCD tendencies shudder at the thought of wrapping oddly shaped presents.

2. Real or artificial tree? We always used to get real, but we have less and less room for them every year. So last year we bought a very narrow artificial one. It's tall enough to feel real, but without the mess, and gives us more options for placement. But I miss the smell of a real one.

3. When do you put up the tree? Usually not until the first weekend in December. But this year we put it up Thanksgiving weekend since the in-laws were going to be in town. And hey, bonus of having a fake tree? It won't be dropping needles and dying on us come Christmas day.

4. When do you take the tree down? The day after Christmas, without fail. Once the presents are unwrapped, it doesn't feel like Christmas anymore.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, but in moderation. This year we discovered the joys of eggnog ice cream. Yum!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? It's tough to remember. My mom wishes I'd say "the horse" I got in fourth grade. But I think I'll have to go with my beloved Speak & Spell.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Puhleeze. Have you met me? We're one step away from pagan equinox rituals.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Rob's dad. If he wanted it, he already bought it.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Myself. I have not just an Amazon wishlist, but a Kaboodle wishlist, for all the stuff that can't be found at Amazon. Oh, but also Cooper. He's only eight months-old, so he hasn't collected every toy known to man yet. And he's not very choosy, since it all just goes in his mouth anyway.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? There really aren't any bad presents.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Some years we manage mass produced cards with photos of us on them, and this year I had every intention of ordering them. But God, then they have to be addressed, and I have to buy more stamps, and there are never any photos of me without my double chin, so just, no.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Scrooged, Bad Santa, The Family Stone, and I will totally be watching any Lifetime network Christmas themed movie featuring Rob Lowe.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Sometime in December, usually before I have to start paying for express shipping.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I doubt it, but if I have, like I'd admit it?

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? My chocolate chip cookies, red and green M&Ms, whatever my mom has baked up, and gingerbread with whipped cream (not gingerbread cookies).

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear only. And for God's sake, no freaking tinsel. And yes, I have a lot of rules.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "So This is Christmas", "Hard Candy Christmas" (which is not a Christmas song, but that's the only time it gets played on the radio), and I have this unexplainable love for Trisha Yearwood's Jesusy "It Wasn't His Child".

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Usually only travel as far as my mom's in Bastrop. Some years we've gone as far as Dallas. Some year we're going to make it up to Rob's family in New York. But damn it's expensive to fly at the holidays.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid, Prancer, Vixen, and Rudolph.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? A lighted rattan star. It's rustic without being redneck.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? One present on Christmas Eve, the rest on Christmas morning. Unless we have to leave early the next morning, then we open them all at night. But don't tell.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Crowds, crowds, and more crowds. And people who think they need to spend a lot of money to make Christmas nice.

23. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color? All kinds of individually selected ornaments (lots of snowmen and Barbies), with some matching ones and candy canes interspersed. And white lights of course.

24. What do/did you leave for Santa? Cookies and milk. I never understood why Santa didn't finish all the cookies. I could never let good cookies go to waste like that.

The Dark Knight

Anyone else bothered by The Joker's new Clockwork Orange look?

Makes me prefer this:

They're vegetarians!

John Scalzi went to the Creation Museum, so we don’t have to. (via)

Today I realized...

I am either never wrong, or just incapable of admitting that I'm wrong.

In conversation I frequently use the qualifier "I could be wrong but..."
But I'm just being polite.
Or I'm just trying to soften the verbal blow.
Or I'm just pretending like I'm the kind of person who would consider another viewpoint.

But it's a lie. I don't actually ever believe that I'm wrong.

And yes, I realize how unpleasant that makes me sound. Hopefully I have some good traits that balance that out. Or maybe just some less obnoxious flaws.

Worst Job Ever?

Britney Spears' court appointed parental visitation monitor/unpaid babysitter.

Happy Halloween to you and yours.

And remember, as my mother always said, don't eat all of the candy in one sitting.

Even The New York Times loves Jordan Catalano

"This life has been a test. If it had been an actual life, you would have received actual instructions on where to go and what to do."

The Times gets all nostalgic about Angela Chase and "My So-Called Life" just in time for the spanking new box set to be released tomorrow. I myself have the original box set, released five years ago with absolutely no bonus features. The new set will include all kinds of cast interviews and bonus footage. Which will just serve to remind me of how much I miss flannel.

In summary

Did you know they now have a test to determine if you have the flu? And they now have a prescription medicine specifically for the flu? However, the catch is, the test only works within the first two days of symptoms. After that, the test isn't conclusive and they won't give you the medicine. Wow. How much do I wish I'd known that two days ago?

So in summary? It's probably best to just get the damned flu shot.

Things I've Learned on My Way to 30 (otherwise known as my second annual 29th birthday)

The quest for the perfect pair of jeans never ever ends.

I was right back in high school: nobody ever really uses algebra.

You can be too old for some clothes.

There's a difference between a job and a career. And that difference can be felt.

My bra-less days (if ever there were any) are long, long over.

Even when you grow up, eating all of the Halloween candy in one sitting will still make you sick.

There's less reason to get embarassed as I get older. People are human, nobody is perfect. And who cares what they think anyway?

Moisturizer is very important.

So is sunscreen.

I'm still going to get wrinkles.

Having a baby doesn't really change everything. But it makes things a lot sweeter.

The world may never be fair, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying to make it that way.

Tattoos don't look that weird on grandmas.

I don't care if I'm too old for pigtails.

We'll never stop needing help from our parents. Especially if they can wield a chainsaw and a sewing machine with equal skill.

There's no such thing as enough shoes.

As much as I try not to pass judgement on other people for the way they live their lives... some people are just stupid.

80's fashion didn't look good then, and it definitely doesn't look good now.

There may actually be a heaven. And it's called Retirement.

Forever really isn't that long.

Apparently I suck at Emmy betting.

So I had an off year.

The only categories I called correctly were Best Drama, and Best Actress and Supporting Actress in a comedy series. Oh, and Best Variety, Music or Comedy Series.

So four out of 12 isn't very impressive. But can you blame me? Who'd have thought they'd give it to James Spader AGAIN? I'm not a "Sopranos" fan, but even I knew it was Gandolfini's year. And Ricky Gervais and Jeremy Piven? Based on the insane "Deadwood" snubbing, I wast starting to assume the Academy is too cheap to foot the bill for HBO.

Scenes from an Anniversary

Need a charity deduction?

If you can, please consider supporting me, and the Allen's Angels team, in the Out of the Darkness Walk for suicide prevention.

I've been thinking about it...

And I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree with you America.

This is a lot of things. But it's not my idea of "fat".

Tired of your sullen 13 year-old? Marry her off!

"At first we were worried that Janine was too young to get married, but then her new husband bought her a house and a car and jewelry and the money we got let us buy a house for ourselves. Getting out of the trailer park at our age was the best thing that ever happened to us, and it’s all thanks to Marry Our Daughter!"—Mr. Jack M.

“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!" —Mrs. James P.

And yes, I realize that it's a joke.

Before and After

The water damage repairs are finely done. Photos have been posted. Now if only the kitchen had flooded too...

stats

To the person who found my blog by searching for "what kind of pants should be worn with slouch boots"... The answer is NONE, because slouch boots should never be worn. Trust me on this.

To the people who are forever ending up at my blog due to their feverish Googling of "are danny and melinda from the real world austin still together?" Sorry, you've really come to the wrong place. I made one offhand comment about those two crazy kids after watching the reunion special. And I swear, I regret it now.

And to the person who found my blog by searching for "god wants your ass"? You have big problems my friend.

In Austin? Hate Genocide?

Did you ever wonder: "What can I do to help end the genocide in Darfur?" All you have to do is go out and enjoy a meal in an Austin restaurant participating in the Dining for Darfur dine-out on Monday, August 27 and you'll be providing aid for the people of Sudan and Chad currently suffering from the violence, destruction and displacement. At the restaurant that evening you may even learn more ways of to help us call an end to the genocide that is happening in this region.

Participating restaurants will donate 5% of their gross sales to the American Jewish World Service (AJWS). Donations will be used for AJWS's nonsectarian humanitarian relief efforts for the victims in Darfur.

Participating Restaurants:

Arturo's
Blue Star Cafeteria
Chez Zee
Curra's Grill (all 3 locations)
Frank & Angie's Pizzeria
Freddie's Place
H-E-B Kosher Store Grill
Hut's Hamburgers
It's Italian
Kenichi
Lambert's Downtown BBQ
Leaf
Louie's 106
Manny Hattan's New York Delicatessen
Mars
Ms. B's Authentic Creole Restaurant
Opal Divine's (all 3 locations—Order a "Velocirita" and Velocity Bank will match a $1 contribution for every drink sold that day!)
Pluckers Wing Bar (all 5 locations)
Restaurant Jezebel
San Antonio Street Cafe
Spicy Pickle
Suzi's China Grill (all 3 locations)
Taco Deli (both locations)
Taverna
Tom's Tabooley
Upper Crust Bakery
Waterloo Ice House (6th and Lamar location only)

I've said it before...

"Democrats resolutely refuse to tell the poor the secret to not being poor: Keep your knees together until marriage."

For real y'all. Bitch be crazy.

I don't see anything wrong with this picture.

Testing My Emmy Luck

The Emmys are on Sunday, September 16. So I'll see if I can repeat my Oscar success.

DRAMA

SERIES:
"Boston Legal" (ABC)
"Grey's Anatomy" (ABC)
"Heroes" (NBC)
"House" (Fox)
"The Sopranos" (HBO)

ACTOR:
James Spader, "Boston Legal"
Hugh Laurie, "House"
Denis Leary, "Rescue Me"
James Gandolfini, "The Sopranos"
Kiefer Sutherland, "24"

SUPPORTING ACTOR:
William Shatner, "Boston Legal"
T.R. Knight, "Grey's Anatomy"
Masi Oka, "Heroes"
Michael Emerson, "Lost"
Terry O'Quinn, "Lost"
Michael Imperioli, "The Sopranos"

ACTRESS:
Sally Field, "Brothers & Sisters"
Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"
Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"
Patricia Arquette, "Medium"
Minnie Driver, "The Riches"
Edie Falco, "The Sopranos"

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Rachel Griffiths, "Brothers & Sisters"
Katherine Heigl, "Grey's Anatomy"
Chandra Wilson, "Grey's Anatomy"
Sandra Oh, "Grey's Anatomy"
Aida Turturro, "The Sopranos"
Lorraine Bracco, "The Sopranos"

COMEDY

SERIES:
"Entourage" (HBO)
"The Office" (NBC)
"30 Rock" (NBC)
"Two and a Half Men" (CBS)
"Ugly Betty" (ABC)

ACTOR:
Ricky Gervais, "Extras"
Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"
Steve Carell, "The Office"
Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
Charlie Sheen, "Two and a Half Men"

SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Kevin Dillon, "Entourage"
Jeremy Piven, "Entourage"
Neil Patrick Harris, "How I Met Your Mother"
Rainn Wilson, "The Office"
Jon Cryer, "Two and a Half Men"

ACTRESS:
Felicity Huffman, "Desperate Housewives"
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, "The New Adventures of Old Christine"
Tina Fey, "30 Rock"
America Ferrera, "Ugly Betty"
Mary-Louise Parker, "Weeds"

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Jaime Pressly, "My Name Is Earl"
Jenna Fischer, "The Office"
Holland Taylor, "Two and a Half Men"
Conchata Ferrell, "Two and a Half Men"
Vanessa Williams, "Ugly Betty"
Elizabeth Perkins, "Weeds"

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY PROGRAM

SERIES:
"The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central)
"The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (Comedy Central)
"Late Night With Conan O'Brien" (NBC)
"Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS)
"Real Time With Bill Maher" (HBO)

REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM:
"The Amazing Race" (CBS)
"American Idol" (Fox)
"Dancing With the Stars" (ABC)
"Project Runway" (Bravo)
"Top Chef" (Bravo)

Happy 32nd Birthday to the best daddy.

catching up on current events

JENNIFER: Oh, did you hear that Stephen Colbert fell and broke his wrist, running around onstage?

KANDIS: No, didn't hear that. That sounds like something clumsy I would do. Except for the running part.

As you can tell by the steam coming out of my ears, Emmy nominations are out.

Okay, does the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences even watch the shows they nominate? Seriously. Because I'm convinced that they don't. Or if they do, they have even worse taste than the people who keep "American Idol" and "Survivor" on the air.

Does "The Sopranos" really need even more accolades heaped on them? While "Deadwood" and "Studio 60" receive no critical nominations? I can't even fathom how that happened. There's never been a better show than "Deadwood".

Shameful.

I hope Ian McShane kicks all their asses. While Bradley Whitford mocks them savagely.

Edited to add: Oh yeah! And Lauren Graham, Kristin Bell and "Lost" too! Damned Emmy voters.

This is our house on drugs.

Last night around 9:30pm, a pipe burst in our downstairs bathroom. Water shot out of the wall for about 15-20 minutes while Rob and I ran around like chickens with our heads cut off, looking for the main water shut-off valve. Rob finally was able to turn off the water supply under the toilet (after first shutting off the hot water heater instead) and we found ourselves in the middle of about an inch of standing water. It was in the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, the master bedroom, master bath, my closet, three other closets, and the pantry. Basically the entire first floor of our house is hosed. We called a water damage service to come last night and they immediately began extracting the water and surveying the damage. We ended up checking into a hotel around midnight so that the technicians could continue cleaning up water, and spraying toxic anti-microbials. Cooper slept through the entire thing.

Today the technicians began ripping up our laminate flooring, our baseboards, our cabinet kickboards, what little carpeting we have, and even an area rug. I've lost track of how many commercial grade fans and dehumidifiers are criss-crossing our floors. Our furniture has been moved all over the place, and it's basically like running an obstacle course just to try to get a glass of water.

Oh! And the dozens of fans and dehumidifiers are putting off so much heat that I'm afraid our next electric bill will deplete Cooper's non-existant college fund.

We are now living in our upstairs guestroom. The insurance claims adjuster won't be able to make it out here until Thursday, and assuming they cover all the damages, who knows how long it will take for everything to get replaced?

So that's the fun in our life. How about you?

Oh, and we still don't know where that main water shut-off valve is.

some people can nap anywhere

Rob and Cooper enjoying a rest during our five hour delay at the Cincinatti airport. At two and half months old, Cooper has now been to Georgia, Ohio, and New York- courtesy of a trip to Cooperstown to see his grandparents, great-grandmothers, and various aunts, uncles, and cousins. Cooper turned out to be a better traveler than I am. Well, less of a whiner anyway.

Rob wrote more about our trip, and I'll be posting photos.

Sorry, I've been busy playing with my baby.

Don't you hate days like this?

It's official.

The CW Cancels "Veronica Mars"

Hey CW? You're dead to me now.

We've survived our first month!

So I've been a little busy lately.

I don't spend much time online anymore, have become a terrible correspondent, and have no idea what's going on in the world. However, I could probably tell you how many dirty diapers I've changed today, and what happened on "Guiding Light".

It's noon and I'm still wearing my pajamas and will consider myself lucky today if I get to eat lunch, pee, and shower and put on makeup. (Yes, makeup. I may wear tank tops and cut off sweatpants every day now, but that's no reason to totally fall apart.)

Cooper is doing great. He eats constantly, sleeps occasionally (though not in his bed, that's where we put him if we want to wake him up) and is growing like a weed. He's now over 9lbs and so strong that he's already rolled over. Now if we could just teach him to wash his own bottles, I may get some laundry done sometime this summer.

Look what I got!

Cooper Gregory Seaver, born April 17th at 9:22pm. 7lbs, 11oz, 18 1/2 inches.














We're healthy and thrilled. Thanks to all for your well wishes!

Baby Update: 40 Weeks

Apparently the baby does not care that today was supposed to be his birthday.

As you can see, he's still en route.

Super Kandis

Rob thinks I’m a hero.

Now of course I think I am. Hello? I’m wearing a cape. But how clever am I that I’ve successfully convinced him that I’m somehow amazing for managing to survive pregnancy? After all, it’s not like women all over the world have been doing this for thousands of years. (They have? Well for God’s sake, keep that to yourself! I could potentially score some jewelry out of this.)

Of course the reason Rob thinks I’m so heroic is because I’ve made sure that he knows all of the trials I’m going through while incubating our son. He lived through the ten weeks of miserable whining and nausea that was my first trimester. He gets to hear all about my daily aches and pains, and gets to see me limp around in the evenings like an 80 year-old crone. He’s forced to admire my puffy cankles and hobbit feet. And listen to the moaning and groaning every time I have to get in and out of the car or the bed. And I make sure he knows exactly how many times I had to get up to pee last night. (Six, if anyone is interested.)

Yet he’s managed to survive it all. He hasn’t once given up and snapped “Okay, I get it already! You’re uncomfortable!” He hasn’t once made fun of my freakishly huge belly and puffy ankles, and in fact always does his best to try and make me feel pretty. He makes dinner or goes and picks something up on the nights that I don’t think I can limp around another moment. He’s made many store runs for such essentials as: Dr. Pepper, Blue Bell, and Rolos. He’s assembled more nursery furniture than anyone should ever have to. (“This is the last thing we need, I swear!”) And he’s done all the lifting and carrying and cleaning that I deemed too much for my delicate condition. He took me away to a bed & breakfast in Fredericksburg for a lovely weekend of shopping and eating. And he’s accompanied me on several trips to what has to be a man's version of the seventh ring of hell: Babies R Us.

And I know that as long as he shows our baby boy as much patience as he’s shown me these last 39 weeks, he’s going to be a great dad.

Now, about those brownies I’m craving…

Have you seen Squishy?

Our friends Barrett and Heather have lost their beloved pug, Squishy.

They send out this message:

PLEASE HELP! We lost our pug Thursday night (March 15th) at the corner of 14th and Chestnut Ave. (East Austin). She's 5 years-old, fawn colored, fixed, does not have a microchip or a collar on. She responds to her name and also comes when clapping twice. She's very friendly, very sociable, extremely sweet so if you know of anyone who's taken in a stray pug please contact us. Any and all information will be appreciated, call anytime. Ph: (512) 784-0615.

We're asking anyone who is on MySpace to please check out our sites Infinity Recording Studios and Circle Line Designs and send a bulletin to everyone you know.(A bulletin on myspace is a message that is sent to every single one of your "myspace friends"). It's a great way to spread the word all across central Texas that we're looking for our pug Squishy. You can copy the information from our MySpace pages for the post or just copy this! The more people that we can reach the better our chances of getting her back home! Plus, it's something you can do from home or work that could have an immense effect! Please help us!

If you have any information you can reach us at 512-784-0615 anytime, day or night. Thanks to anyone and everyone who can take the time to try and help!

the lunch of champions

Today I ran up to 7-Eleven during my lunch break to get some gasoline and a snack.

The very nice Indian man at the counter handed me my receipt and said "Thank you and God bless the baby." Which I thought was really kind.

But then I realized that he may think the baby really needs the blessing since his mother is, by all appearances, subsisting on nothing but Slurpees, bbq Fritos, and Ding Dongs.

Beware the Ides of March

"When are you due again?"

"So, how much longer?"

"Wow, you haven't had that baby yet?"

"It seems like you've been pregnant forever."

Yeah, just going for the regular 40 weeks. But thanks. Really.


Edited to add: And this new one, courtesy of my hair stylist:

"Wow, how many babies are in there?"

Shoes You Can Use

My favorite flip flop manufacturer, who last year came out with the flip flops with the built in bottle opener, has debuted their newest innovative designs. The Reef Stash comes with a handy drawer for your credit card and key! Useful for those times you don’t want to carry a purse, or you know… pockets.



And the Reef Dram, with a built in flask. You heard me. They have a plastic canteen in the heel with a screw cap that can be opened by using a key that is included, a miniature funnel to insure a clean pour, and a measuring bar on the footbed that shows how much booze is left in your shoe.

Do they know the way to a spring breaker’s heart or what?

Please don't tell the milk nazis where I live.

So for a few months now, I’ve been struggling with a decision. If you’re of the male persuasion, this may be the part where you’ll want to avert your eyes. Because I’m talking about breastfeeding.

I guess I never gave it a whole lot of thought before I got pregnant. I’ve always known it’s the healthiest way to feed your baby. It was impossible to grow up with my mother (who nursed my sister and me for at least 18 months each) and not know the benefits of breastfeeding and the evils of formula. I always assumed I would probably breastfeed my child one day.

But now that I’m about a month away from the actual event, I’ve been doing a lot of reading, and talking to various people I know, and I’m still really torn about what to do. I really do know all of the advertised benefits of breastfeeding. And of course I want the lowered risk of allergies for the baby and lowered risk of cancer for myself. There is definitely the convenience factor for night feedings, of not having to get up out of bed at all (we’ll be using a co-sleeper infant bed). There’s also the added benefit of not having to pay for formula and sterilized water (we’re way to lazy to boil water and wait for it to cool).

However, I don’t really want to breastfeed. Of course I want all of the benefits, without actually having to do any of the work. But I find that I’m just not one of those people who feels a burning need to nurse their child. And no, it’s not because I think it’s icky nor am I embarrassed that I have boobs. Although I dread the idea of having to use a breast pump at work. Our setting at work is less than ideal, and though I’m not embarrassed about the boobs, I don’t exactly like the idea of drawing attention to them in front of all the pervs that seem to populate my office. The biggest con I have about breastfeeding is the fact that Rob has expressed a desire to help in the feeding equally, from the beginning. And when you have a husband willing to take on some of the night feedings so that you can get more rest, why would you want to turn that down? It would also give him an opportunity to get over his fear that he might break the baby, allowing for some important bonding time. There’s also the added peace of mind that would come with knowing that Rob would be able to care for our son easily, whether I’ve had time to pump milk or not.

Lately, the more I read, the more offended I become by so much of the breastfeeding literature. There’s of course the pervasive guilt factor: that if you don’t breastfeed, you’re a selfish mother. And then there’s the advocating of “exclusive breastfeeding” (no use of bottles or pacifiers). That may work out really well for the women who don’t have to, or don’t wish to go back to work six weeks (the standard maternity leave in the US) after giving birth. But it’s simply not realistic in this day and age. And besides not being realistic, I think it excludes the father in an unhealthy way. What’s the point of dual parenting if you can’t share equally in the tasks?

Some of the other pro-breastfeeding propaganda that bothers me:

Increases bonding between mother and baby. I don’t doubt this is true, but does that mean women who don’t breastfeed don’t bond with their babies? It seems that the act of feeding and cuddling your baby is how we bond, regardless of what that food source is. And when the father is also able to share in the feeding, he’s able to bond with the baby equally.

Formula Feeding is associated with lower I.Q. Possibly. Or not. According to this recent study, “Breastfed babies are smarter because their mothers are clever in the first place, not because of any advantage of breastfeeding itself, a study suggests. Researchers found breastfeeding mothers tended to be more intelligent, more highly educated, and likely to provide a more stimulating home environment.” And I can’t help but noticing that my formula fed husband, though not as smart as I am of course, definitely has stronger math, and geography skills than I do.

Breast milk contains immunities to diseases and aids in the development of baby's immune system. That’s probably true, but then I was sick so often as a child, that I had my tonsils out and tubes put in my ears (due to the numerous ear infections) by the time I was four years-old. My formula fed husband, though a seasonal allergy sufferer, still has his tonsils and tube-free ears.

Formula feeding increases risk of children developing diabetes. Yeah, so does McDonald’s and sodas and our sedentary American lifestyles. Statistically, kids in this country are getting fatter. We all are. I refuse to blame this one on the formula.

Formula feeding may increase risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). And that’s one scary reason right there, isn’t it? But then again, they’re still not sure what causes SIDS at all. According to this excellent article, there’s some evidence to indicate that the reason breastfed babies are at a lower risk of dying from SIDS is due to the fact that they’re more likely to be sleeping in the same room as their parents (thus having their breathing monitored). That seems to advocate co-sleeping more than nursing.

Formula-fed babies are more at risk for obesity in later life. Oh yeah? Have you seen me lately?

Breastfeeding is easier than using formula. Except for the fact that breastfeeding infants feed every 1 ½ to two hours, whereas formula fed babies feed every three hours or so. I don’t know about you, but that extra hour of sleep nearly clinches it for me.

Facilitates proper dental and jaw development, less money spent on corrective orthodontia. I don’t buy that for a second. That part is all genetics. I spent $3,000 on orthodontia for my breastfed self.


Basically, the whole thing makes my brain hurt. I do believe that breastfeeding is best, I really do. But I also don’t believe that the millions of mothers who have to, or choose to use formula are horrible people who don’t care about their baby’s health. If I do end up breastfeeding, it’s very likely that I would only do it for 3-6 months, not the one year or more that the American Academy of Pediatrics advocates. But whatever choice I make, it’s going to be because that’s what Rob and I decide is best for our family. And I hope people are respectful of our decision.

Edited to add: Interesting article from a formula feeding mom.

Can I do this for a living?

Okay, well I called eight out of 11. But completely missing Best Picture is a pretty big flub. Early on I leaned towards The Departed, just because the Academy seems to like big ensemble casts full of big names. But when the critics seems so dismissive, I didn't think it had a chance. I could have gone either way on the Best Director category, so I'm not really surprised Scorsese nabbed that one. At least I called Best Supporting Actor and Animated Feature correctly. In your face Roger Ebert.

My Oscar Picks at 7:10pm on Feb. 24th

I'll tell you the truth. I really don't feel as confident about my picks this year. I usually agree with a lot of Ebert's reviews, but I'm not feeling Eddie Murphy for Best Supporting Actor. Bowfinger? Really?

The Best Director category could go either way. Martin Scorsese has never won, but most critics agree The Departed isn't his best work. And the Academy loves them some Clint Eastwood.

I am also having an impossible time with the Best Animated Feature and Best Motion Picture. Honestly, none of the nominees for best picture have that special something that makes them an obvious choice. Of the nominees, I think I prefer Little Miss Sunshine, but that seems an awfully cheesy way for the Academy to go. Yes, the same Academy that gave the award to Titanic. I just feel sure they won't go with Babel.

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Forest Whitaker in The Last King of Scotland

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Helen Mirren in The Queen

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls

Best animated feature film of the year
Happy Feet

Achievement in cinematography
Pan's Labyrinth

Achievement in directing
Letters from Iwo Jima

Best documentary feature
An Inconvenient Truth

Adapted screenplay
Children of Men

Original screenplay
Little Miss Sunshine

Best motion picture of the year
Letters from Iwo Jima

Yes, I’m still alive.

Know how I know? The lower back pain, heel spur, waddling, the huge belly that feels like I’m carrying a bowling ball, ridiculously fast growing fingernails, congestion, exhaustion, sleeplessness, leg cramps, and other assorted aches and pains. Oh, and the fact that I had to get up to pee six times last night. Seven weeks to go, and this kid better be on time.

In other news, my mom finished a new sweater and diaper bag just for me.

I have a new online wishlist at Kaboodle. Because the two baby registries (Target and Babies R Us) and the three page Amazon wishlist really wasn't sufficient enough to document the sheer amount of stuff I covet on the web.

Rob and I are checking out Super Suppers this weekend. Anyone else try that? We thought it would be a good supplement to our Greenling produce deliveries. And plus, we’re really tired of all the stuff we know how to cook. So, short of hiring a personal chef, this is kind of our only hope.

Sunday is the Oscars! I’ll be working on my Oscar picks to post before then. Last year I correctly predicted 9 out of 11 categories. I don’t anticipate doing as well this year. None of the nominated films have buzz that reaches Brokeback proportions.

And Lamb! Poor, poor Sheriff Lamb. Michael Muhney said he was heartbroken about the decision to kill Sheriff Lamb off "Veronica Mars", but he was still glad that the plot point remained under wraps until it aired. Love him. And I'm really disappointed that we'll probably never really learn about Lamb's motivations. Like the time Duncan and Veronica broke into the Manning's house and exposed the child abuse going on in the house. Lamb relased them without a word. It was one of the most complicated and haunting moments of last season. And now we'll never know what it meant. Show your Lamb/Michael Muhney love by checking him out in whatever pilot is lucky enough to get him.

how I spent my weekend

The nursery is complete! (Except for the curtains my mom is still working on.)

And Rob thinks my belly is taking up the entire house.

Can you hear the angels?

Have you noticed that the sun is now shining a little bit brighter? That the air smells just a little bit cleaner? The birds are singing sweeter? And everyone around you is just a little bit nicer?

There's only one reason for that.

















It's Girl Scout cookie season. All's right with the world.

the stylish baby

Okay, it's possible I'm going overboard.





















But have you seen a cuter outfit? All cuteness courtesy of Uncommon Goods. If you're wondering what to get the baby, he also wants the one that says "I can't read".

The mountain range from Rob's perspective.

















Seriously, y'all? Incubating an alien is hard work.

self portrait: 27 weeks

I call it "barefoot and pregnant".





















I can't tell you what a relief it is to see that I apparently still have feet. I haven't seen them in a while. There's been a mountain range blocking my view.

doused in mud, soaked in bleach

All of the baby books recommend playing classical music since the baby can hear now.

So... Nirvana is consider classic by now, right?