When cell phones attack.

Super Size This

Greatest new invention: The Hardee's" Monster Thickburger! My favorite part? Apparently two patties, three slices of cheese, four slices of bacon and mayo weren't enough. The bun is buttered!

Now why don't we have a Hardee's in Texas dammit?

"They came untied."

A 59-year-old great-grandmother is pregnant with twins and will deliver next month, three decades after she had her tubes tied. "I started craving grapes and apples, things I don't usually crave. By then I was four months pregnant." The news was even more shocking considering Harris -- the mother of five, grandmother of 14 and great-grandmother of six -- had her tubes tied 33 years ago after the birth of her youngest child. She was divorced years ago from the twins' father, 60-year-old Raymond Harris, a heavy equipment operator. She said they will remarry before the birth.

Note to self: Do not get tubes tied in rural Georgia.

Leave Thanksgiving alone.

Yo America! I gotta tell you something. Are you listening? Seriously, this is important. Stop eating and drinking everything put in front of you. Your life is not an uninterrupted episode of Fear Factor.

I still blame Florida.

“For my safety, I know he’s the one who’s going to do the job,” retiree Rebecca Lesko said after voting for Bush in Linwood, N.J. “I think (Osama) bin Laden is scared of Bush. That’s why we haven’t been bombed yet.”

Well kids, it's all over. So what will it be? Toronto or Vancouver?

My mother was in a bank today when an armed robber came in and told everyone to get down on the floor. When the robber wasn't looking, she and several other people ran out of the bank and called the police. Now most people would consider this a frightening experience. You may hear people say "my life flashed before my eyes". But do you know what my mother says? "I wish I'd been close enough to take him down. He was skinny, I could have taken him."

Six Flags Quality

On October 9th, the fam and I went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas in San Antonio. While we were there Rob and I posed for pictures at the Old Time Photo shop. You know, one of those places where they have an assortment of period costumes and props and they’ll take a black and white picture of you for an exorbitant fee? So we posed and they took some pictures. While we were posing, the batteries died in both of the digital cameras belonging to the store. They were also fighting with their printer over a paper jam that occurred on the customer’s photo that was taken before us. The girls working the store then announced that they wouldn’t be able to take any more photos that evening, and asked us to come back in 30 minutes to pick up our photo. So we did, and of course our photo wasn’t ready, due to the previously mentioned paper jam (and yes my mom asked if they had tried resetting the computer). So they offered to mail it to us. I paid for the picture (an 8x10) and provided our mailing address. Yesterday, the package arrives, from Ohio (wtf?). The envelope didn’t have “PHOTOS – PLEASE DO NOT BEND” written anywhere on it, so of course it was bent. So after three weeks, we received two 5x7 photos of a pose we did not choose, complete with some bizarre white spot on both of them making them unsuitable for framing. Gee, thanks for the memories Fiesta Texas.

Kinda not surprising.

"You are Shannon. Stereotypical rich bitch, you prefer working on your tan to helping out the other survivors. You spent a year in France, but you drank more than you spoke with the natives. You eagerly await the arrival of the rescue boat so that you can be whisked back to civilization, where your frivolous pursuits await you. And you wouldn't mind getting away from your brother Boone, 'God's friggin' gift to humanity'."

Which "Lost" Character Are You? Brought to you by Quizilla.

Hoedown (Ho down?)

I cannot believe the Ashlee Simpson meltdown we just witnessed on SNL. Her audio tape started playing before she started "singing" and she just totally froze and walked off the stage. Awesome! And then, at the end of the show, during the wrap-up group hug, she blamed her band for playing the wrong song. Priceless.

Return of the Stepford Apprentice

Potential bestseller?

What It Takes: Speak Up, Step Up, Move Up: A Modern Woman's Guide to Success in Business by Amy Henry (otherwise known as How to Come In Third).

"It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery."

I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I'm still giggling about the bitchslap heard 'round the world.

Jon Stewart (to Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala on Crossfire: "Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America."

Can you say worst "Gilmore Girls" ever? That made "One Tree Hill" look like some finely crafted drama. And what’s up with the obscure Manson Family references? Leslie Van Houten in the season finale and Tex Watson tonight. Did one of the Palladinos just finish that hot best seller of 1974, Helter Skelter?

When Trashy People Preach

I am endlessly entertained by the merciful Christian types who are forever twisting Bible passages to suit their needs and conveniently forgetting the ones that don't. There's one guy at work who's frequently changing his instant messenger screen name to something preachy and offensive (at the work place anyway). Yesterday it was: "strive to treat others better than you treat yourself". And today it's: "don't bring me your tired, your poor, your huddle (sic) masses." Doesn't the irony just kill? But luckily, considering he isn't the Statue of Liberty, I think he's safe from such occurrences.

What's up with the poncho hate?

Slate: Is That a Real Poncho? The hideous new trend afflicting America.

C'mon, you know you want to.

A - Age: 27

B - Band listening to right now: Smug and Smugger, otherwise known as my dueling coworkers

C - Crush: Dude, I’m married.

D - Dad's name: Who cares?

E - Easiest person to talk to: Nicole, especially since she’s out of the country and can’t roll her eyes at me from there.

F - Favorite band at the moment: Dixie Chicks

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears. I don’t eat worms, no matter how colorful.

H - Hometown: Austin, Texas

I - Instruments: Voice (nobody said it was a high quality, well tuned instrument)

K - Kids: Does Rob count?

L - Longest car ride ever: From San Marcos, Texas to Palermo, New Jersey. Have you ever noticed how wide Tennessee is??

M - Mom's name: Julia

N - Number of siblings: Two, that I know of.

P - Phobia[s]: I am fearless! Shutup, I so am.

Q - Favorite Quote: Today? “I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft.” -President George W. Bush

R - Reason to smile: flowers, Fall, and bread

S - Song you sang last: “Goodbye Earl” –Dixie Chicks

T - Time you wake up: 6:45am, 6:50am, 6:55am, 7:00am

U - Unknown fact about me: I am an open book! But sometimes, I hold the TV remote with my toes.

V - Vegetable you hate: Cabbage

W - Worst habit: Talking during TV shows and movies? Or the ritual kitten sacrifices? Probably the talking thing.

X - X-rays you've had: teeth, foot, back, stomach

Y - Yummy food: Double Dave’s Peproni Rolls…. And Salt Lick potato salad

Z - Zodiac sign: Libra

Swiped from where or when

Fall and Halloweenyness

Things I’m currently excited about:

-Potential cool weather

-Cute cold weather accessories

-Ponchos

-Macaroni and Gilmore Girls (Don’t judge! It’s Tuesday and I’m a creature of habit. Besides, Sebastian Bach singing the theme from The Greatest American Hero? There aren’t even words dude.)

-Wurstfest (November 6th baby!)

-My work holiday party at the Hilton (seriously)

-The hot new Australian guy on One Tree Hill

-Getting my braces off in seven months

-Halloween –even though we’re not dressing up or going anywhere

-Nora Roberts’ new novel: Northern Lights

-The sixth season of Buffy now out on DVD! (complete with the musical episode: “Once More With Feeling”)

-Pumpkin scented candles

-Pumpkin pie

-Halloween candy!

Spoiled and Dissed

You’re dying to know what I got for my birthday, aren’t you? Since I went on and on about how many shopping days were left, and my Amazon wishlist, etc. I got the X Files first season box set, and the Angel fourth season box set, and the Northern Exposure first season box set. Noticing a trend here? I also received The Lost Boys Collector’s Edition DVD, and two books: What Would Buffy Do? The Vampire Slayer as a Spiritual Guide and another book that I wanted so much that the title currently escapes me. I got a cute new pink corduroy purse, a glass train style makeup case from Sephora, a bottle of Ralph Lauren’s Romance perfume, and a cool scarf from Urban Outfitters. And my mom knitted me a great pink poncho that you can see here. Oh! And two beautiful bouquets, balloons, chocolates, a chocolate chip cookie cake, and a decorated cube at work. And yes, I know I’m the most spoiled girl ever. We went to Romeo’s on Barton Springs for dinner, and then out bowling at Showplace Lanes with a few friends. I’m struggling not to disown all the friends who totally dissed me on my birthday. And yeah, that will probably be the last usage of “dissed” ever on this blog.

Working just hard enough...

Peter Gibbons: You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter: Don't? Don't care?
Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, alright? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter: Eight?
Peter Gibbons: Eight Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

I just have to say it. I love the comedy duo that is Bess Armstrong and Huey Lewis on "One Tree Hill". Just brilliant.

I've been sick for last two days and if I'm still sick on my birthday, I'm going to cry.

Consider yourself warned.

Our DVD player decided to break the week that I joined Netflix. We just received our first movies: Mean Girls, Mystic River, and Secondhand Lions. This is the second Apex DVD player to go belly up on us in four years. Bastards. So we'll have to go to Costco tomorrow and see if we can find a cheap replacement that isn't Apex for a change.
The Shawshank Redemption has been re-released in some theaters for it's tenth anniversary. Woohoo!
Five shopping days left until my birthday. Feel free to get me a DVD player. (Our bedroom one is busted too.)